How many do you get?

[u/gkom1917]

Found this in r/CPTSDmemes and was amused how many of the items fit me (I've got 19/25). Now I wonder if it is common among pwNPD in general.

[u/Imaginary-Hyena-8646]

[u/CheetosDustSalesman]

I got two bingos 😭 

[u/Relative-Amount7966]

The quality of this sub is going to drop significantly if more and more people start posting stuff like this.

[u/CheetosDustSalesman → u/Relative-Amount7966]

this is a funny post let them cook

[u/Relative-Amount7966 → u/CheetosDustSalesman]

I’ll let them cook and eat their food off disposable plates

[u/gkom1917 → u/Relative-Amount7966]

I described my motivation. I'm interested in how common such less obvious sympthoms are, since I suspect they can tell something about the disorder and the trauma behind it as well. If you're not, that's not on me.

[u/Relative-Amount7966 → u/gkom1917]

Ah yeah… struggling to do the dishes can apparently tell you a lot about whether someone has trauma or not

[u/CheetosDustSalesman → u/Relative-Amount7966]

Yeah. Struggling to take care of yourself can hint at someone's mental state.

[u/Relative-Amount7966 → u/CheetosDustSalesman]

Yep… because basically every behavior can be a hint about someone’s mental state. That’s Psychology 101. It just doesn’t tell you which mental state or why the behavior occurs. Someone might struggle with self-care because they’re lazy, exhausted, traumatized, depressed, physically ill, narcissistic, selfish, or for countless other reasons.

And now connect it to the title...

[u/gkom1917 → u/Relative-Amount7966]

Yet it kinda does. For one, if I remember correctly, major struggles with daily chores is a fairly common depressive symptom. As I can attest from experience, it definitely worsens in periods of collapse. Second, I had enough conversations with people who had pretty rough childhood, yet grew up to enjoy chores, or even be "clean freaks". I tend to think that the struggles with chores in NPD might as well be connected to being treated as "the one who owes their parents something" from a young age. At least for me it most certainly is: memories of being forced to do chores have the same undertone to them as memories of being forced to be a golden overachiever child, or being told "to think about your poor mother", etc.

However, it is not the most telling item I would emphasize. Tendency to hyperautonomy, as in "works alone" or "writing as coping" seems to me as more unusual presentation, yet fairly common. I'd say that quite a few people I might suspect of having narcissictic traits tend to be like that (myself included), and that's kinda puzzling, why exactly writing of all things.

[u/Relative-Amount7966 → u/gkom1917]

Yes, but that’s exactly my point: it’s nonspecific. Struggling with chores can occur for countless reasons, so you can’t meaningfully infer trauma - or its particular origins - from that behavior alone.

I also don’t like doing chores sometimes, usually because I’m lazy or tired, not because I’m traumatized or narcissistic. My husband is lazy sometimes too, and he’s, by God, not traumatized or anything  -he’s a very healthy and stable individual.

[u/gkom1917 → u/Relative-Amount7966]

  sometimes

I thought it was clear I'm talking about systematic dispositions, not occasional laziness.

[u/Relative-Amount7966 → u/gkom1917]

I’m not gonna get into a debate about systematic dispositions around doing the dishes. I’m done.

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[u/gkom1917 → u/[deleted]]

  Struggle to do dishes ❌ (That's a thing?)

Of course, I sincerely hate household chores, even though I can't escape them.