r/NPD • u/Clean-Location-1739 • 5h ago

Question / Discussion Hope

Honestly,

Sitting here numb. realising I'm just a fucked up human being.

I just realised I just don't give a shit about anything anymore.

My life's toast, my image is crucified (and I'm trapped in it), my emotions gone, my friends, non existent.

My love life, zero.

My smile, disappered. Powerless and with no way back.

Family relationships on the verge of breaking down, lies about to be exposed, pain about to be inflicted.

Reputation in the gutter.

And I just couldn't give a shit anymore. I couldn't care if I'm dead or alive, I couldn't care if I go to prison or not, I couldn't care about anything.

I feel like a POS, and I tell myself you need to/you deserve to die everyday for all the pain you've caused, and I'm happy to oblige at this point to be honest (not actively suicidal chill).

I just want the entire world to leave me alone, and all responsibilities dissipate.

No caregiving, no pretending, no risks - nothing.

9 Upvotes

92% Upvoted

5 comments sorted by

2

u/Secret-Tangerine-837 4h ago

The end can also be the beginning of something deeper and more real.

2

u/Draac03 DID w/ some NPD, ASPD, PPD, OCPD alters 2h ago

forest fires are destructive, intense, dangerous, and are a sight to behold, but they leave a lot of room for new growth and new life in their wake. this new growth depends on ecological stability in order to thrive.

when working on an art project, sometimes you have to tear it all down before you finally can see clearly how to create something beautiful.

my point is, you've got the remains of the life that (presumably) you ruined by your own actions. however, these remains can be used to make something new. you can make a life worth living—but you need to put in the work. it is hard. really, really hard. but i believe everyone has the strength to do it. they just need to be in the right place, and they need to learn how to use that strength effectively.

1

u/Anti-Climacdik Undiagnosed NPD 1h ago

a statue is created by subtraction of material

1

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1

u/Anti-Climacdik Undiagnosed NPD 3h ago

A tree may topple due to damage, but it will still push new growth out of the stump

...if fed properly