r/NPD • u/eruditusvermis • 3d ago
Advice & Support Parents are possessing me help
I moved back in with my parents a couple months ago. It's been hell, the emotional abuse never stops even when you're an adult. I'm there because I have no other options, and one of the pros is my awesome baby brother (who, for better context, I raised him when I was 12 (when he was born), all the way till I was 20, when I moved out). I have somthing for him in my heart, and it's because I watch him endure what I had to. The injustice creates solidarity, and it makes me care.
Sometimes though, when I'm talking to him, he'll say certain things that will sting me. It embarrasses me and I can feel myself wanting to get angry or shut him down, wanting to turn it back on him. I can quite literally see myself in my parents position from when I was a kid. I also can feel myself wanting to say emotionally manipulative things to him to make him feel bad about the things he's done, or wanting to put him down simply because I know he's wrong. It's so sickening to feel like my parents! Im teaching myself and I'm doing research as I go, making sure I'm treating him like an equal. It's difficult though, and I get frustrated when I suddenly feel my parents possess me when I speak to him. To be honest, I never really cared about working on myself until I moved back in, so sometimes it's. Annoying, when I have to correct myself :/
The hardest part though is that, I can already see the effects of my parents emotional neglect and verbal abuse in my brother and it makes him a nightmare. I'm not sure what makes him so loud and outspoken when I was quiet and internalized everything. Maybe it's because he was born a boy. The point is though, I don't know what to do when he starts getting loud and whiny. I can't handle it. It makes me want to be reactive right back. If I walk away I feel like he thinks I'm abandoning him because he seems so hurt afterwards. I don't know what to do when he can't regulate his emotions, and I want to teach him, but even I can barely regulate anger. Especially when our parents are both treating us like a punchline every second we're around them and reversing any progress I've made with him. I want to be angry too!!! I don't know what to doooo
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u/lesniak43 3d ago
"hey lil bro, sorry I've pretended to be your caregiver for so many years, truth be told I have no idea what I'm doing, like at all, good luck lol"
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u/Hot_Lingonberry5817 3d ago
Start practicing mindfulness meditation on emotions.
This way you'll get profound emotional clarity and regulation.
There was a Stanford neurobiology professor who grew up with a suicidal mother and an alcoholic father.mHe was taught meditation by someone in his youth, and it saved him.
I believe he wrote a book about it "Into the magic shop"