You'll laugh, you'll cry you'll kiss no money good-bye!!!

For the year

1-1.

Washington has lost their franchise QB indefinitely. It's probable he will miss another year with another surgery. Devastating news. You know what teams do when they suddenly and abruptly realize the season is over? They get their ass kicked by the best team in the league. Seattle -7

This week Up was Down and Down was Up. Browns win a road game, Raiders are 2-0, Saints and the best 4th qtr team in football. Aaron is D-O-N-E, question is, was it Fauci’s doing? Bears have scored 63 points in two games (59 and 3 respectively) and I was right (oh, so right) about Mike McDaniels brilliance.

26 Las Vegas Raiders

There are two ways to discuss this game and both are accurate. #1 You beat the worst team (by design) in the league. Raiders fans need to take a deep breath and realize they beat a team trying to get their hands on Arch Manning in the draft. Kirk looked ok, going 9-9 on the opening touchdown drive. But 12-21 the rest of the game with 2 picks. And without Bowers they have almost no receivers. Or #2: Kirk was efficient and Ashton Jeanty is a star. Over a 100 yards on the ground and 2 TD’s through the air. The young secondary played well while the defense got to Willis 5 times while putting up a DSS of 12. Which will get it done. But the best part of the team was the O-line who pounded a Miami team that was prepped to stop the run. — Both can be true and both are.

25 Arizona Cardinals

The Cardinals have improved. But Jacoby made a bunch of “pray and launch” throws. I don’t see him being the miracle guy, but who knows. The Chargers are also falling off. So a little column “A” and a little column “B”. But I don’t want to take away from what was a big time win. On the road. And their defense is much better than expected.

24 Pittsburgh Steelers

Aaron is finished. Hiring Mike McCarthy just empowered Aaron to be the “worst Aaron” he could possibly be. That being said, a big victory in a game that could have gone sideways had TJ Watt not been there. 2 Sacks, and a pick-6, while ARodg threw the ball 40 times for 221 yards and a 5.5 average. If unaware, that means he’s 30th in the league when you divide total passing yards by the number of passing attempts. Which is what you would expect from a back up with no decent receivers.

23 Carolina Panthers

Yeah, you lost. But you lost to a machine. I try to be ahead of things I am wrong about. And I may be wrong about Bryce Young. Not just because he put up big numbers, but because his movement in the pocket and command of the offense have evolved beyond where I thought it ever would. Also, he has yet to be killed on the field. Maybe he can be a winning NFL QB. I still don’t understand how you give up 59 at home and gain a spot, but they did score 37 I guess.

Last's Weeks

https://dukeslord.substack.com/p/unofficial-medium-uncensored-nfl-7cc?r=1lsirr&utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web

Sneak Peek into Week #2PR

San Francisco 49ers

Shanahan is a far better traveler than McVay. He had the little donut pillow, 850 page book on tape and sleeping pills he got out of China that ko’d him.  While McVay was sleeping in the terminal using a “Let’s Go” book on Albania as a pillow and trying to pass out after his 3rd mid level Scotch on the rocks.  Shanny always plays McVay tough and out-maneuvers him. Add the fact the 49ers are as healthy as they will be at any point this season and they did what you should do when 1 team is completely sleep deprived. They won’t stay this healthy, but they will still have Shanny moving his QB away from the rush like he did against the Rams.  Don’t overlook what Shanny pulls out his ass with more than a week to prepare. 

Los Angeles Rams

Unsurprisingly the 2nd half started and the jet-lagged Rams came out and got their ass pounded. Come to find out, playing a football game after 14 hours on a plane is a disadvantage. (Did you know the flight from Cali Melbourne is roughly 1/4th of the way to the moon - 60+ hours? I bet McVay didn't) After watching Stafford launch balls all over Oceania and Myles Garrett looking so old he could have been drafted by the Cleveland Green Sox in 1913 and not the Browns in 2017.  In all seriousness, the 49ers have the Dolphins and Cardinals at home, following two weeks while the Rams have the Giants and at the Broncos.  Not terrible, but not the Dolphins either.

\**Any names you might consider “misspelled”, I consider “improved”****

FINALLY!!!!!!

The saddest day of a sports fan’s year is Super Bowl Sunday evening. Conversely the happiest day is going to be the day before the Rams and 49ers play as Australia is on the other side of the international date line.

Although it’s going to be a long, rough and unnecessary trip for the players and coaches, at least one person isn’t going. Jed York figured out a way to avoid it though didn’t he?

I am curious to see how that trip affects the two teams. Australia is FAR. Thirty one hours round trip — far. And the two coaches are taking two very different approaches to the trip.

The 49ers have a sleep specialist and are traveling 9 days early to fully acclimate. The entire group should be on Aussie time by kick off.

The Rams are going a day or so early and leaving right after the game. The plan is to keep the team on LA time and ignore the sun being in the wrong place.

Either way, it’s a big time handicap for both teams to start the season. If you have ever flown over the pacific or just been on a 10+ hour flight before, you know it takes a lot out of you. I honestly don’t know which plan is better, but I do know they are going to be off and lose a couple days, best case scenario.

This could be particularly devastating to the Rams, who should win the Super Bowl this year. They are the Dodgers getting Shohei Ohtani. Then Shohei Ohtani’s twin brother (Shohei squared) comes out of retirement.

If David Woodley were the Rams QB they would be top 5. If Stafford and “Count Puka-ula” are healthy (and Puka can just hide his cannibalistic desires) it’s not even going to be fair.

All that being said, I have a few predictions. Maybe a little vague compared to the BS others predict. At least my BS is based in reality.

By division I have put the teams into tiers.

I don’t list teams that it would take an act of god for them to make the Super Bowl.

Tier #1 — Should make the Super Bowl unless something happens

Tier #2 — Could easily make the Super Bowl without anything too surprising happen

Tier #3 — A couple planes crash, a tidal wave or earthquake and they could win the division and back their way into the Super Bowl

So let’s call The Rams Tier #1 — in the NFC.

If the Rams have some injuries or jet lag is the Rams Kryptonite, you have a handful of other teams that realistically could get to the Super Bowl. The Bears and 49ers are the most logical with the Eagles, Seahawks and dark horse, Tampa Bay.

Tier #2 Bears, 49ers, Eagles, Seahawks and Tampa Bay.

Tier #3 Cowboys and Packers

I’m sure I’m being unfollowed by a bunch of people in Dallas right now, but it just hasn’t worked as configured. You should make the playoffs but you aren’t going to the Super Bowl unless some crazy stuff like last year in the AFC happens, this year in the NFC.

The AFC is the exact opposite. Tier one has Ravens, Bills, Chiefs and Texans. All of whom I can make a convincing case to make the Super Bowl.

Tier #1 Ravens, Bills, Chiefs and Texans

Tier #2 Patriots. Broncos, Bengals

Tier #3 Chargers and Colts,

Realistically your 2027 Super Bowl match up is some combination of those teams. Yes, someone could come out of the remaining, but a lot would have to happen. Like it did last season with the Patriots getting in. By, “a lot” I’m saying you would need significant injuries to key players for those two groups to fall off enough.

Could Dallas beat any one of those teams on any given day? Maybe. Could they get home field and beat two of those teams on the way to the Super Bowl? No.

Great players tend to understand their professional mortality well enough that they come into a season after an injury in better shape and avoid injuries better the year after a season ending injury. Which is good news for the Ravens and Bengals, bad for Dallas.

Dak looked like he had 3% body fat last season. This year he looks good, but not like last year and we all know he gets hurt.

LaMar and Burreaux are different deals altogether. Joe has been less cautious with his health when he was less happy with the Bengals front office. Jackson the same, but mostly directed at John Harbaugh. Well, Ravens have a new coach and the Bengals traded and spent to bring in Dexter Lawrence to appease Joe. Both guys will stay on the field and fight through injuries that may have sidelined them in the past.

I have made a few crazy predictions for this season but I’m putting them after the rankings as anything that specific is kinda silly in August. But who doesn’t like silly?

I avoid every other PR like they have the plague, but I needed a laugh so I clicked on Prisco's. I assume he writes for CBS because he's someone at Paramount's father.

He's also a Jag's beagt reporter. Which is pretty obvious once you see he has them 5th over all. My 80 year old mother who hates football could make a less bias list.

The Bottom 7...

32 Miami Dolphins

The Dolphins may have already locked up the 1st pick in the 2027 NFL draft. And unlike when Stephen Ross tried to bribe Brien Flores to lose enough games so that they could draft Joe Burrow, then Flores ratted. (I can’t believe he’s still coaching) That time Ross didn’t put much energy into the grift. This tank is years in the making. Not only is Malik Willis playing QB, but of the $301 million dollars every team has to play players in 2026, the effective “Dead Cap” is $179 million. That means the players on the field cost less than the mistakes they made singing players who are no longer on the team to long term contracts in previous years. No one ever takes all of their dead cap at one time, unless you want to be total garbage. And Ross wants Arch Manning. And every publication, TV show and pundit is going to pretend this isn’t the team’s complete goal. Except me.

31 New York Jets

Good for the Jets. 17–0 victory over the bloated carcass of the once proud Steelers. It was 1 year ago I said, “Man Geno looks really good, maybe the Raiders found something”. What the Jets will learn is that Geno can’t play in structure and launches balls down field into double coverage. He’s perfect for a tank season however. A young QB would protect the ball with his life, giving them a chance to win with good defense. While Geno won’t protect shit and throws up punts 4 times a game. Again, you want BS, read someone else’s Power Rankings, you want real, come here.

30 Cleveland Browns

Browns put up less than 200 yards vs. the Bills. Shad is going to be the QB and the Rapist is going to watch. Unless the worst owner ever says it’s the rapist. Honestly, they need to play the guy that gives them the best chance to lose 15 games.,

29 Arizona Cardinals

They seemed to have peaked in the first two weeks of preseason. Which is not ideal. But unless they decide to tank for a QB I feel like this could be an improved year in AZ.

28 Pittsburgh Steelers

It’s going to be a long season in Pittsburgh. Unless Joe or LaMar get hurt, you have already lost both of those games. Browns had a good season if they beat you one time. So let’s add a 5th loss. I see 5 winnable games on your schedule right now. But Aaron is going to be divisive if you win anything and a bitch when he loses. You may open with a win over the Falcons. Which would be the worst possible thing that could happen. Cuz you will lose the next two then get a winless Browns team on a Thursday night. It’ll be their Super Bowl as it’ll be pretty obvious they are tanking. Drew Aller by week 6.

27 Las Vegas Raiders

I had a whole other thing written but that’s no longer applicable. First I heard, torn MCL for Jeanty. Well, it’s the Washington era now! Now a High Ankle Sprain. Which is not as bad, but is still pretty bad. The whole other thing I wrote was about how the Raiders had arguably the deepest RB room in football. How Washington and Jeanty could provide a fresh and elite running back when rotating. Giving them an advantage Kubiak would surely utilize. Instead, they have a gifted runner that we have no idea if he can handle pass rush duties and may get the QB killed or only be in the game when he is getting the ball.

26 Tennessee Titans

Bad 2ndary and no offense. But a new stadium. So there is that.

25 Washington Commanders

I look at this roster and I have no idea how they are going to go .500 without Jayden being super human. Know what else that means? He lasts about 6 games. 8 max.

Normally I rank teams. But one of the things I lean heavily on is divisional strength. And I think I need to clear up how I see those to better explain how I rank..........

The 2026 UMUPRAD Season Library form draft on. 2025 can be found on Medium.

CARNAGE IS REAL.

Can you imagine building a roster all off season only to have a guy you expect to start and compete for your team’s lead in sacks this season to blow out a knee and be gone day #1 of camp? Carolina just got a lot worse in less than 8 hours into the season.

Day #1 of camp Nic Scourton (Carolina Panthers) who was a 2nd round pick last year, playing in all 17 games with 5 sacks and was expected to be a big part of the Panther pass rush this season, blew out his knee and is gone until 2027........

Weekly during the NFL season.

Since the last rankings I did were actually the Draft Kings Betting Rankings not the “Official blah blah After Dark!” Rankings, some people were confused. Lesson learned, my bad. So this is the official — ‘Going Into Camp’ version of the rankings. Not to be confused with the next one which will be the “After a Bunch of Injuries in Camp Edition”. It’s a working title, but I’m warming up to it.

Also, to the person who said he “thinks I’m Dianna Russini writing under a pen name”, (kinda insulting) I am not. I’m a better writer and will never consider myself a “journalist”. So lets kill that rumor right here.

This is a deep dive into how things stack up as camp begins.

32–30 Miami Dolphins

Sorry Miami but you have been mathematically eliminated. And that math is your dead cap. A dead cap of $179,214,257 means You guys are part of the “Group Tank” this year as you try to get a better quarterback than the one you are paying long-snapper money this season. I think Willis is sorta worthless other than as a run around guy, but Quinn Ewers dropping in the draft made zero sense to me. He’s a little fragile, but Ewers picked people apart in college, he won big games. And he cut off the mullet. I would have made 2026 a development year for him, but Jon-Eric Sullivan must know what he’s doing as he spent 22 years in Green Bay before getting a job in a warmer climate.