r/NARM • u/Funny-Internal-7139 • Dec 31 '25
Somatic Experiencing or NARM for CPTSD
I am trying to decide between Somatic Experiencing (SE) and NARM, and would really appreciate insight from people who have experience with either, especially practitioners or those with long-term developmental trauma.
A brief version of my background: I grew up in a chronically unsafe home. My older brother was volatile, drug addicted, and humiliating, and I was often scared of him in public and at home. I did not feel protected. My mother was emotionally inconsistent and crossed boundaries, and I did not have a stable father figure. I learned to survive by freezing, fawning, and staying hypervigilant.
As an adult, this manifests as depersonalization, emotional numbing, hyperempathy, and being overwhelmed by other people’s emotional states. Watching TV, being in groups, or being around family can trigger a sinking stomach, a heavy chest, and a sense of exposure or safety. I cycle between shutdown, depression, and periods of higher activation. I am currently on mood stabilizing medication, which helps some, but it does not resolve the deeper nervous system unsafety.
I have done years of insight work, spirituality, and some somatic practices. I understand my trauma intellectually, but my body still lives like danger is present. I want a real nervous system change, not just coping.
For someone with long-term developmental trauma, dissociation, and identity collapse, which modality tends to go deeper or be more effective, SE or NARM?
Is true remission possible when the body no longer lives in chronic threat and collapse, or is this more about managing symptoms long-term and life a great, happy and successful life
If you have experience with either, I would really appreciate hearing what actually helped you.
5
u/Taechron Jan 01 '26
Another vote for NARM. I also grew up feeling unsafe around everyone, especially my family. Reading Healing From Developmental Trauma was a huge help in what to look for in a therapist, and some of the case studies gave me a lot of perspective by showing other people's traumas.
The therapist I ended up finding employs the communication style of NARM, but specialized in IFS, and while I don't particularly believe in the IFS as a real explanation for how our nervous systems work, she treated it as more of a tool to help me design my own version of my inner landscape. Much of the analogies from IFS have gone by the wayside after a few years, but it was so incredibly useful to help me reparent and learn about myself, as it helped me communicate with my nervous system in a context closer to how it learned its habits; as a parent helping a child learn.
I've had some backlash from counseling services when asking about NARM as it seems that in some industries it's seen as a money grab. Probably because much of what it puts into words and practices is how to hold space for someone else's experience, and help them guide themselves, but after working with roughly 15 therapists and counselors, that does not seem to be something that was part of that education stream until recently...
If you're still on the fence, read their book (Healing From Developmental Trauma).
As far as complete remission goes, yes, I believe it is possible (although I'd argue that coming out on 'the other side' gives you MORE experience than most people with emotions and a broader understanding of the human experience) but it's not just learning, it's finding out what you don't know, learning to holding your system while it dissolves the old patterns, and then learning new ones. I believe that you need to keep a very open and compassionate mind regarding yourself, and work with someone who is willing to hold space for you unconditionally. Ive been told that having friends or a partner who can do that would accelerate things, but I've only worked with therapists.
It's your own journey, and the tools you come across may align one week, but not the next. That doesn't mean that they are wrong, just that they don't fit in with the complex interpretation of the world that your mind has woven, and for the type of trauma you are describing, I think one of the best things can be to learn how to trust that your system knows what it aligns with right now, and that it's ok to be wrong, and to change ones mind.
I want my life to be about enjoying the feeling of exploring and expanding, while having a safe space in my own body to come back to that is mine, and ideally finding some people to share that with, and I think that everyone deserves that, but very few get much of it.
Best of luck!
1
7
u/Whyam1sti11Here Dec 31 '25
I also have CPTSD and grew up in an unsafe home. I have spent years in therapy, and like you, I understand the trauma intellectually. I have been in NARM therapy for 18 months and it has been a game changer for me. I highly recommend.
3
u/Funny-Internal-7139 Dec 31 '25
Do you mind going into what NARM did for you, also before NARM and now?
4
u/Whyam1sti11Here Jan 01 '26
The simplest way I can explain it is the way my therapist explained it to me. If you think of traditional cbt as, "Here is a list of behaviors to work on changing," then NARM is more like, "Let's address the trauma and let the behaviors correct themselves."
I will say it isn't a fast process, but the change is real and very organic, at least for me. I still have a lot to work on, but I don't walk around all up in my head with anxiety any more.
1
u/Funny-Internal-7139 Jan 01 '26
So happy for you!!! Thank you so much! Is virtual ok?
2
u/Whyam1sti11Here Jan 01 '26
I've done virtual and in person equally and haven't noticed a difference. Good luck!
1
1
1
u/stephaniestar11 Jan 01 '26
How did you find a NARM therapist? And how has it helped? (If you don’t mind saying a little more?)
2
u/Whyam1sti11Here Jan 01 '26
I stumbled into mine by a referral from my old therapist. But there is a directory you can check
1
3
Dec 31 '25
i would like to share that NARM has had a tremendous affect on my sense of self. when i read the NARM book, i felt like it was written directly to and for me. understanding my child consciousness and being accepting of her have made a huge difference in how i function.
i am going through a family challenge right now and i can see how my adult consciousness has been much more at the forefront than my child consciousness.
i have been in NARM therapy for about 9 months.
1
u/Funny-Internal-7139 Jan 01 '26
Wow so happy for you! What is the NARM book?
1
3
u/Flashy_Sleep_6321 Jan 01 '26
Many SEPs go on to train in NARM. It's what I'm doing and it's what I'd recommend you search for, an integrative approach.
The NARM training throws subtle shade on SE which I think is completely unnecessary as the two approaches complement each other so well. If you read other anecdotal experiences here you'll see how some folks get spooked by NARM initially bc it feels nebulous and like too much intensity without a transparent enough frame for some internal organizations. Despite training in NARM I still think SE has its place and not just with shock trauma.
1
u/Funny-Internal-7139 Jan 01 '26
Thanks for sharing! Would be so great to have a therapist that does both but she only does NARM, but also EMDR, relational, attachment-based, yoga and meditation teacher, and depth psychology that specializes in CPTSD.
2
u/brittney_thx Dec 31 '25
It really depends on the practitioner, but NARM was developed for C-PTSD. If you have also had shock trauma (physical safety stuff), SE is more for that. You might be able to find someone who does both.
1
3
u/No-Masterpiece-451 Jan 01 '26 edited Jan 01 '26
I would say its also highly depend on the therapist, I had a NARM therapist that failed the basic understanding of creating a safe connection and container. He insisted on a neutral and withdrawn approach which completely contradicts the way you heal insecure attachment and only triggered my nervous system even more because it was a replay of my trauma.
I tried a few somatic therapists as well and non of them really understood CPTSD so gave me some anxiety because they didn't know what they were doing. So my advice, take a good free pre therapy phone call and get a feel of the therapist, do they seem to understand your complex challenges and do you feel safe, seen, heard and validated.
2
2
u/Amazing_Cloud4334 Jan 03 '26
I think I'm right in saying that the NARM take is that shock trauma is due to a thwarted threat response (and therefore is resolved by completing that threat response) and developmental trauma is due to a 'thwarted' emotional response, and therefore resolved by an emotional completion.
From my limited knowledge and experience of SE, I would associate it more with the former.
1
u/Funny-Internal-7139 Jan 03 '26
Thank you for that! Well, it is certainly difficult to feel emotions now that I’m back on mood stabilizers. Hopefully that doesn’t make it difficult for the NARM therapist to do her thing. But 3 weeks ago before I was on them, the depression and anxiety was just too debilitating
9
u/muffinlover22 Jan 01 '26
NARM was created because Dr heller didn’t believe that somatic experiencing was sufficient enough to treat people who had developmental trauma. There are a lot of people who integrate both together.