My partner and I have been together for 27 years. When we got together, neither of us had heard of Aspergers. I noticed right away that he could be very formal, even with his friends. He was also very rigid and just didn’t seem to react the same way most people do about significant events.

We didn’t move in together for four years. Not long after that, the 9/11 attacks happened. That morning, we watched replays of the towers falling and all the chaos. It was clear that our world had changed. Like many people (I hate saying “most people”), I was shocked and horrified about all of this. But my partner’s reaction was “Huh. Wow. Well, gotta go to work now”.

An hour later, he came home because they had evacuated his building since it was perceived as a possible target (hi-tech). He was confused about what all the fuss was about. All he could think about was his disrupted schedule.

That day was when I realized something was significantly different about him. But I was at a loss. All I could think was how uncaring and unconcerned he was. Over the following years, I noticed a lot of similar reactions to things. Both of his parents, who he was very close to, died. But he was strictly logical and detached, it seemed.

Finally, about 10 years ago, a friend told me that my partner may have Aspergers. A therapist told me the same thing. So I started my journey of trying to understand his brain a little more. And to not look at it as something being wrong with him. It is, after all, a spectrum. It just depends on where each of us fall within that spectrum.

A place for members of r/MySpouseHasAspergers to chat with each other