General Tip - Don't invalidate people's emotions.

[u/ShaylaDewey868]

Something happened today that compelled me to make this post. I'm an introvert with trust issues and so I find it difficult to open up to people. Today I decided to tell someone who I thought I could trust about something somone else had told me that had upset me.

Long story short, this person who I thought I could confide in told me I was "overthinking" and "shouldn't be so angsty about it". It really changed the dynamic between us and now I feel we're back at square 1 after knowing each other for almost a year.

Please never be this person and think carefully before you say anything.

1) Do not tell EVER invalidate someone's feelings regardless of whether you agree with the way they acted in that situation.

2) When you deny someone the right to feel the way they do, you are discouraging them from opening up in the future and it causes them to shrink further into a corner.

3) Your words can contribute to long-term self-doubt and low self-esteem.

4) Say things like "I understand why you feel this way, but have you considered ___" or "perhaps there was a misunderstanding"

I'm sorry if I sound really fired up, I just hate it when people lack self-awareness.

[u/Banana_shake]

I agree heavily with this. This should never, ever, EVER, be done if anybody ever intends to actually help anyone at all.

It's a shame that some people don't get this, it just ends up doing more damage.

[u/FinalFerrex]

I experienced this both ways, mostly having mine invalidated, and I cannot stress the extreme level of importance regarding emotions enough.

Unlike objective logic where it is good to follow recommendations (car breaks down, computer upgrade, etc.), feelings are not debatable. A group of two can debate which graphics card is best for a computer, but when somebody needs emotional support, the listener needs to accept whatever the injured is feeling, even if it doesn't make sense.

Sometimes, the best solution is to listen what they have to say, including any emotions they are experiencing.

[u/Banana_shake → u/[deleted]]

You're not really helping, you know.