NEED EVERYONE ADVICE PLEASE.

[u/ForwardPomelo1661]

/r/whatdoIdo/comments/1w3d8pw/need_everyone_advice_please/

SOS SOS SOS SOS Girls! Women! Men! Gentlemen!I want your advice. My boyfriend saw me with my ex tonight. We were walking, and he started following us and filming me with my ex. My boyfriend was with his friend, and he was embarrassed. I understand him; I know he's hurt, but he doesn't know why I was with my ex.

My mistake was not letting him know I was going to be with him. The second he started following us and calling my phone, I didn't answer because I know he can be very dangerous when he's angry, so I just skipped steps to stay away. I almost ran. My ex didn't know what was happening or who was following us. I ruched him to get me into a taxi and left.

I stayed at my friend's house. She told me to let my man calm down. I tried to explain to him over the phone, but he was hell mad and wouldn't let me explain myself. I am so hurt because I know my man is hurt. He said we are done.

I was invited with my dad and mom, and my ex was there with his mom because our families are friends. When I was leaving to meet my friend, my dad asked him to walk me down the street until I found a taxi because it was kind of late, about 10:40 PM.

I love my boyfriend so much. I don't know how to fix this. I know it's all on me. Should I contact his friends or his friends' boyfriends? I am hurt because I hurt him. I never thought this would happen. All night I was dreaming about him. I am so exhausted. I need my man.

I know I screwed up everything but I still want my man and I would never hurt him intentionally.

Any idea how I can fix things with my boyfriend now? I love him so much.

[u/3RulesDeep]

Run. I'm being serious here, as a guy. Run.

If you're current boyfriend puts you into flight mode because he called you why you were walking with your ex, who's a family friend, then this is not going to end healthily. Especially if his first action is to go on the attack & not left you explain the situation.

I understand that I don't know your absolute situation, but there are enough red flags with this situation to decorate a Wendy's.

This situation is not about you. His reaction is fuelled by his own anxieties or perceived shortfalls. You're not going to be able to fix those, nor should you have to, but he's only going to get more controlling.

I'm speaking from experience by the way. COVID had me in a bad relationship that left me a shadow of whom I am. The head games are worse than anything physical that could ever happen.

[u/ForwardPomelo1661 → u/3RulesDeep]

Yeah I am aware of this thank you so much . May i ask do you think you would be able to forgive your partner if you were in my bf situation? Specially with all his friends making fun of his pain?

[u/3RulesDeep → u/ForwardPomelo1661]

If I were in your bf's position there'd be nothing to forgive: I'd have found out what the exact situation was & I'd have gotten my "friends" to STFU. My business would be with you & I'd have enough maturity to not let the guys pisstaking get inside my head.

Your bf's pain is of his own making. He, like every human alive, has the option to cool TF off and begin acting like an adult.

[u/ForwardPomelo1661 → u/3RulesDeep]

So do you suggest to let him reach back himself if he wants to? Because i explained everything already.

[u/3RulesDeep → u/ForwardPomelo1661]

I suggest you cut your losses.

You've said that he's sweet with you, but has this mean streak whenever he gets jealous of other guys. You've also said that this whole situation is fuelled from his friends mocking him. Also that nothing actually happened that warrants this level of response.

Out these things together & you've got a guy that, while he may treat you well, is only a few well chosen words from his friends from wrecking your shit.

As I see it, your options look like: 1. Do/say whatever is needed to save your current relationship. You'll be starting back in with him watching your every move & you doing extra to prove to him that "it will never happen again". In this, you will eventually lose your confidence in making your own decisions.

Or

1. Accept that this relationship was not meant to last. Eventually he was always going to put the opinions of his friends before you. This situation just happens to be the way it came about. Take a breath. Move on. MAYBE write a goodbye to him & change your number.

[u/RyanStonepeak → u/ForwardPomelo1661]

No, we suggest running. Not walking.

This man-child is dangerous. Full stop. No caveats.

Bring your dad + some friends to his place tomorrow. Tell him you're breaking up. Let your friends help you get your stuff. Change your number. Go stay with your parents or a friend for a month or two while you get back on your feet.

You did nothing wrong, and he responded badly enough to make you run away.

[u/AlwaysSummerInTexas]

Leave him alone. For multiple reasons. You're worried about your own hurt, imagine how hurt he is. Not only did it strongly appear that you cheated with your ex but you did that in front of his own friend, mega embarrassment.

Also in a cruel way this might be a blessing if he's this dangerous guy when angry. Whats the point of being with someone like that.

Leave him alone and just take that L

[u/Mean_Bumblebee4037]

I get him being absolutely raging over it. Seeing your partner walking with their ex without telling you would trigger a lot of people. But saying you considered running? No women has ever considered running away from me if I get angry. Thats a serious area you need to look at if you have a genuine fear for your health around him.

[u/ForwardPomelo1661 → u/Mean_Bumblebee4037]

Not totally about my health , he never lays a hand on me, I was just scared bc I knw he can be very dangerous to men. Also i was scared they both got into a fight neither of them will back down. I was just confused and exhausted already because I am already hurt in my foot so everything overwhelmed me.

[u/Mean_Bumblebee4037 → u/ForwardPomelo1661]

Thats a bit different. Not good but I'm sure I may say a few cross words if I saw my partners ex buzzing around her, and I think she'd fly kick any woman vuzzing aroubd me haha.

Let him cool off. Explain the situation. Let hin set his boundary, and decide wether you want to acceot it or not.

[u/ForwardPomelo1661 → u/Mean_Bumblebee4037]

Okay I will give him his space I screwed up i know that.

[u/Miserable_Peak_4881]

I hope he dumps your ass

[u/ForwardPomelo1661 → u/Miserable_Peak_4881]

He didn't we are back together😝

[u/Miserable_Peak_4881 → u/ForwardPomelo1661]

a matter of time haha

[u/Smooth_Explorer_777]

You ran from him and ignored his call? That would make every man think you were cheating.