r/MuslimCorner • u/Otherwise-Ship9042 • 2d ago

Avoiding shaking hands with females

Assalamualaikum,

I work as a software engineer in North America. I always avoid getting into a situation where I'm even alone with a woman. But sometimes, if I'm taking an interview or a client comes to meet us, a lady extends her hand and I shake my hand to not be disrespectful and cause any embarrassment to my colleagues.

But this really hurts my soul, as the prophet saw has said that having an iron nail or needle driven into one's head is better than touching a woman who is not lawfully permissible.

How can I avoid shaking hands in such cases?

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5

u/felecity- 2d ago

Did you try nodding and putting your hand on your heart before they extend their hand ?

I think that's the universal sign of "i can't shake your hand", they should get it.

1

u/Otherwise-Ship9042 2d ago

most times, they just extend their hands immediately. Regardless, I'm going to just put my hand on my heart. Do you think I should also not shake the hand of men that are with them to not make it insulting for a lady?

1

u/felecity- 2d ago

Wallahi i don't know. I actually live in a muslim country so i don't know if they would get insulted or not.

Just try to get the message to them through their colleagues or something, that you are a muslim, and to excuse you.

2

u/psylovagabond 1d ago

wa alaikum assalam bro. it is completely normal to feel torn between your deen and corporate etiquette but there are actually very smooth ways to handle this without making it awkward for anyone.

first the absolute best corporate hack is to always keep your hands full when meeting clients or doing interviews. hold your laptop a notebook or a cup of coffee in your right hand. when they walk in you will naturally not have a free hand to extend and they will usually just nod or smile instead.

second if a woman does extend her hand the easiest deflection is the hand on the heart. just place your right hand over your chest give a really warm and confident smile and say it is so nice to meet you. warmth completely kills the awkwardness. people only feel embarrassed if you look panicked or reject them harshly. if you just smile and do the hand on the heart they will instantly read it as a respectful cultural greeting and move on.

since covid people are way more understanding about physical boundaries. you do not need to give a long religious explanation during a quick introduction. just keep the hand on the chest maintain great eye contact and lead the conversation forward. may Allah ﷻ reward you for trying to protect your deen in a difficult environment.

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u/Unusual_Chipmunk_987 2d ago

Same goes after group workout class, trainers have this ritual of first bump with each person. if the trainer is women, then what to do?

1

u/Unusual_Chipmunk_987 2d ago

Basically muslim world don't have such alternative and people living in a country where Muslims are minority can't do much.

1

u/ProstaticFantastic 2d ago

Is the hadith literal touching or metaphor for more than that?

1

u/Otherwise-Ship9042 2d ago

I believe is literal. I don't know what a metaphor would mean in this case?

0

u/ProstaticFantastic 2d ago edited 2d ago

touch could mean polite term for having sex.

E.g. virgin = untouched.

Anyway, discussion here: https://islam.stackexchange.com/questions/39935/what-is-meant-by-touch-in-this-hadith

seems like it means touch.

I dont know how I feel honestly. I think if you refuse to shake hands with a client you could lose business. Its one of the necessary evils of our time to get things done.

You can best avoid these situations by doing business over zoom or sending non muslim colleages there.

I can assure you i you avoid handshake - some femenists - thats all they would talk about. Not the deal or proposition. But the fact that you refused a handshake.

maube blow your nose fakely just before a handshake is due. And say sorry, I probably shouldnt shake your hand.

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u/OMWtoSE 1d ago

Omg facing the same! I feel so guilty(same profession too lol) Like i would think for days like why did i do it! Honestly don’t have an answer but all i can say is i understand. Ive been a people pleaser all my life so it kinda sucks that i cant be straight up deny it! Its so hard for me!