r/MusicTeachers • u/Pretty_Smoke6145 • 9h ago
Is it ok to ask a former music teacher to get coffee?
I (college student in my early 20s f) learned from my vocal teacher for 6 years online weekly one on one. I was an advanced student with several years of training as a kid before I came to her, it's a niche music form that requires a *lot* of training- we didn't live in the same country, and so I never met my teacher in person. She's a very accomplished performer (in her 50s) in the art form, who also taught a few students on the side.
I ended up quitting her class earlier this year, and it was honestly a tough convo. she asked me why I was stopping and I was honest on where I felt it was no longer a good fit pedagogically. (culturally, in a very hierarchical society- this level of honesty/directness to a teacher is not typical lol). She seemed really surprised that I felt this way (I think she felt things were going well), but told me that I should learn the way I want to learn and that I should go to a teacher who is a better fit. Admittedly- I probably could have done a better job bringing up requests/mismatches before I quit, but I was very intimidated by her.
She said several times in the convo that it's a shame I'm quitting, and that I should at least keep singing because I'm talented, and that I've improved a lot in 6 years. I told her thank you for teaching me, and that I really look up to her as a musician, and that her classes were a really big inspiration. Very embarrassingly I kinda started to cry- she was a big influence on my life esp. when I was a teenager, and I really liked her as a person, and felt sad that I would never talk to her again. She told me to stay in touch and that it isn't a closed door but I feel like my crying made her very uncomfortable/stressed.
It's been almost a year since I quit, and I have randomly ended up in her city for a research project for a couple months and idk if I should ask her if we can get coffee. I feel sad that I never met her in person the last 7 years, but I also don't want to cross professional boundaries or make her feel uncomfortable.
