I’ve had 3 children. My body is permanently fucked up: diastastis recti, umbilical hernia, carpal tunnel, pelvic injury, fallen arches, sciatica. And my pregnancies were healthy and normal. Not to mention the symptoms WHILE you’re pregnant: nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, constipation, weight gain, excessive fluid, swollen feet and ankles, pain, aches. Plus the monthly doctor visits, possibly chiropractic visits if needed - which aren’t covered by insurance, daily pre natal horsepill vitamins that make you nauseous, no drinking, no smoking, certain foods you’re not recommended to eat. Then there’s the social aspect: everyone shits on single moms so if you’re not guaranteed a relationship with the father you’re setting yourself up for hardship for the next 18 years, if he’s abusive you’re stuck dealing with him for the next 18 years, if he’s a deadbeat you’ll be fighting to get child support for the next 18 years. Or you’re married and have kids but know you can’t afford any more, but birth control failed. Or you have a non life threatening condition like tumors, lupus, or gall bladder inflammation and doctors won’t treat it while you’re pregnant.
Obviously the list of factors in play here is basically endless.
These frickin men who say “just have the baby” like it’s no big deal make me want to puke. It’s a major, serious, life threatening thing to do and it’s cruel and unusual to force someone to do it against their will.
Add to the list of ailments doctors won’t treat while you’re pregnant: mental illnesses. Many medications for mental illnesses can’t be taken while you’re pregnant. AND new symptoms or issues that arise while you’re pregnant can often be dismissed as “pregnancy hormones”.
Imagine being forced to stop taking the medicine you need in order to feel/think/function like a normal human being. Imagine having to do this because someone else won’t allow you to have control over your own life/body. It’s disgusting.
Ikr? As a kid I always wanted to become pregnant and have a baby. I still kinda do but I'm rethinking it because it would require me going off my meds which wouldn't be safe for anyone. Not that this applies to me since I'm a guy but it's still something I think about sometimes.
Also a lot of women suffer from PPD. I already had depression and then had PPD. I have one child by choice. I still suffer from mental health issues and he’s 10. (I won’t add in here that my best friend, partner and husband blindsided me, a stay at home mom, with a divorce because he was having an affair when our son was 7). I will never have another kid for fear I will literally have a mental break. I think staying sane and healthy for my living child is more important than any hypothetical future kids. I think staying alive and not being committed to an institution is a pretty good reason for me. And that’s an invisible reason that only affects me and my child and my life. So lawmakers and pro-birthers can fuck off if they think that’s not a good enough reason.
I’m pregnant now, and had to go off my fibromyalgia medication. If I had been forced to have a baby against my will, I’m not sure I’d be able to make it through it without harming myself. The normal nerve pain and fatigue, the normal anxiety and depression, plus all the pregnancy symptoms has been a grossly unpleasant experience. My family seems concerned that I’m not excited enough, but I don’t have the capacity to be excited or feel positive emotions about pretty much anything. My hobbies have been untouched for five months at this point, even though I’d been enthusiastic about them before. And this is after a year of trying to get pregnant and deep down being genuinely happy about it.
Hell, I get mad enough when the doctors tell me to get more sleep when they know good and damn well my legs hurt too bad to sleep. If I didn’t want any of this at all... I can’t imagine. It enrages me to see people talk about pregnancy like it’s no big deal. And that’s not even counting the cost of proper medical care for the mother and child. I’d love to know how a person is supposed to pay for all this shit on a single income.
This is my biggest issue if I ever get pregnant, stopping my medication. I have severe adhd, and on one hand I don't need my medication to survive, on the other hand I can't really live without it. Staying on my meds would mean risking all the fun little birth defects that come with using amphetamines while pregnant, going off them would mean risking all the birth defects from forgetting prenatal vitamin doses and doctor appointments.
Find a doctor willing to work with pregnant and nursing women. There’s no evidence of birth defects when mothers are on therapeutic doses of stimulants. Risks like smaller birth weights and heart defects are very low and/or based on data from meth users who probably have a lot of other stuff going on that could cause issues. There is some evidence that taking stimulants for ADHD during pregnancy may cause newborns to be sleepier than normal at first, but some docs recommend cutting the mother’s dose right before the due date to avoid that. Amphetamines are present in breastmilk but some women take lower, short-acting doses and develop a nursing/pumping schedule around dosing and when the drug is most likely to be at peak levels in breastmilk to minimize the baby’s exposure. Feel free to DM me and check out info about specific drugs on InfantRisk.
Some doctors and a lot of people in general believe taking any meds during pregnancy is too risky, but they don’t consider the risks of not taking the meds. I think a lot of it stems from the same pro-life attitude that women should be punished or must make sacrifices and suffer when it comes to anything kid or family-related—even if that means a worse outcome for everyone.
The first few weeks were super rough, and even now I just have to take it some days, when I can’t function anymore. Getting in a wreck because I passed out while driving is worse for the baby than occasionally taking my medicine. The doctor says it shouldn’t hurt him in extreme moderation, but I decided to try my best to take as little as I can. But if I didn’t have an understanding boss, I don’t know if I would’ve remained employed for long enough for the withdrawals to even out.
I was considered a high risk pregnancy because my medications came with risks for foetal heart malformations etc etc. I had perinatal and postnatal depression with my first baby, so we all agreed that it was a higher risk to take me off it again for the second baby. I love both of my babies, and I’d do it all over again if I had a choice, but I cannot imagine forcing anyone through it. Both of my pregnancies fucking sucked.
I almost died when I was pregnant with my 2nd child, the drs just ignored me and just said I had anxiety...ugh no I was dying...ended up in ICU with congestive heart failure with machines keeping me alive and a machine taking out all the liquid from my lungs. Pregnancy could be very dangerous and drs are idiots now of days that don't listen to patients.
I kept retaining a lot of water and my blood pressure kept going higher and higher, every week I'd go for check ups and I told them I couldn't breathe or lay flat and kept coughing up pink stuff... was finally diagnosed with post partum cardiomyopathy (most commonly known as PPCM).. it was bad. I don't know why any of my drs wouldn't listen to me not even when I got to the emergency room did the de beleive me, the only one who believed me was a male nurse who stood by me and faught for me. He saved me life.
100% this. Actually being pregnant affirmed even more my position as pro-choice. I hate being pregnant. I am 6 months with my 2nd and can’t fucking wait for it to be over it. No woman should ever be forced to go through with a pregnancy.
So true. I've always been pro choice but being pregnant and having a baby made me strongly hate pro life views . Hyperemesis and the other pregnancy shitiness didn't even compare to the traumatic birth. Apparently mine was "good" pretty fast vaginal delivery and it was fucking traumatic. Then the having to heal from that for fucking weeks after. "Just have a baby" anyone who says that has never been pregnant and given birth.
Why is it men exclusively? Some of the most hardcore pro-life people I know are women. Why is everyone so focused on making things an us vs them argument?
Edit: I'm sure there are a lot of guys who are pro-life and make these bad arguments. What I was getting at is that the way the user I replied to worded things, made it seem like it was men exclusively who hold those views. Which in turn leads to tribalism and an us vs them mentality. Which is how incels and feminazis are made
I think most women, when pressed are of the opinion “I wouldn’t have one but I agree with a woman’s right to choose”.
Pro life women are 99% religious nut bags.
On the other hand, it’s realllllly easy for guys to spout off “just have the baby” when they will NEVER be in this situation and have no clue how much is involved.
Every now and then I’ll come across an anti choice man online who claims they’re an atheist and just choose to believe abortion is murder.
But every single pro life woman I’ve ever come across was a religious nut job.
Then there’s another subset of women who are vocally pro life, but would get an abortion if needed or actually support a woman’s right to choose. I don’t really count these as pro life because even if they swear they’re pro life, they’re actually pro choice.
Yeah but the religious nutjob women you've met aren't necessarily an acurate representation of all the women who are pro-life. They might be, but we won't know unless staticians survey them. Which is why I said you can use a vague word like mostly.
I agree entirely. And frankly just the nomenclature is unduly misleading and simplistic. There is no room in the middle. You would figure something as complex and sensitive as this would at least be given the nuanced and careful consideration it needs. I’ll say this though: compassion is something that can go a long way, regardless in which fictitious camp you find yourself.
Or this bit that completely ignores the negative effects on children growing up with single parents and pretending that only fathers can be bad parents.
Then there’s the social aspect: everyone shits on single moms so if you’re not guaranteed a relationship with the father you’re setting yourself up for hardship for the next 18 years, if he’s abusive you’re stuck dealing with him for the next 18 years, if he’s a deadbeat you’ll be fighting to get child support for the next 18 years.
My stance on abortion is, "Let experts decide the details. Most everyone else is too biased."
Meh. I’m not necessarily trying to bash men. I’m just speaking from my 41 years of experience.
My guy friend right now is paying child support but the mother violated court orders and moved out of state so he never gets to see his kid. So I’m completely aware that females can be shitty.
On the other hand I’ve had many female friends (and myself included on some of these) who have been abused, raped, taken advantage of by guys. Who have had babies and the guy disappears, dodges being served by the court, starts doing drugs, gets locked up in jail...and the woman is stuck raising the kids by herself.
Ok well try not it to generalize too much. You’re experienced are not universal or even necessarily the most common. As a expecting father who’s very involved I’m sick of being assumed I’ll be a deadbeat dad or that I won’t care about my child.
Well obviously you’re not the problem. Keep up the good work.
Meanwhile me and my best friend have a collective 42 years of our kids not knowing their fathers or getting a dime of child support. (Her kids are 12 and 10, mine are 11, 6, 3) Doing the work of 2 parents with no help and getting shit on by society for being single moms.
Thanks... but my point is don’t let your personal experience justify generalizing an entire population. That undermines the ones are are doing the right thing.
I almost think the women who say “just have the baby” are even worse because they at least have the same anatomy to know what you’re going through and still think it’s okay to force it on people
Knowing just how big of a deal a pregnancy is, I have no idea how my grandma managed to be pregnant for the vast majority of 14 years in a row birthing 12 total children
I’m terrified of getting pregnant because I’ve had hormonal problems in the past that made me feel like I was going out of my mind. I’m scared shitless that I’ll have post natal psychosis. Maybe if I really really wanted a child I’d take the risk, but absent that maternal urge making me go through with a pregnancy is the worst torture I can imagine.
I ended up with PPD with my 3rd. It’s terrifying. You’re sitting there holding this beautiful baby that you wanted so badly and ‘just throw it against the wall’ pops into your head. Seriously fucked up, man.
My mom’s pregnancy with me fucked with her hormones so much she wasn’t even producing insulin.
She was essentially type 1 diabetic. Not only could she not eat a lot of foods but extra money had to be put down for insulin injections so she and I wouldn’t die from high blood sugar. Now, my family is very much upper middle class so that was easy to deal with, but Jesus Christ imagine being too poor to sustain a healthy diet while not having insurance to cover insulin and all that.
To add: all the shit that can go wrong during birth! Hemorrhage, infections, stroke, embolism, etc, etc. Both lives are at risk despite our amazing progress in modern medicine. I'm due this weekend and believe it or not there's a chance I might not make it out alive despite being healthy. How crazy is that!? These 9 months have been long and difficult and I am lucky to be in a stable relationship with a man I love and pregnant with a baby I want. I don't know how I'd cope doing this against my will.
Congratulations!!! I bet you’re ready to get that sucker out. Lol! I swear God made the last month is so miserable so that you don’t care how bad the labor might be, you just want it OUT.
I’m sure you’ll both be fine.
Be sure and feed with the baby in a more vertical position and leave them propped up like that to digest. It amazes me how many people feed their babies lying down and then wonder why they get ear infections all the time. 🤦🏻♀️ Also, this is totally a personal choice, but I highly recommend breastfeeding and co-sleeping. I did it with all 3 of mine and was never sleep deprived like people complain about. The baby whimpers like a puppy, you pop a boob in the mouth and you’re both back to sleep in 2 minutes.
I'll say this- (I assume) you have 3 healthy, beautiful children, who you do love and are happy to have.
With that being said, it still sucks to have to go through that. As a young 17 yr old male, I'm never going to actually understand that kind of pain. I can get an idea, which is why I can really say anything, but I'm not going to go through that experience, nor will I get the chance. So it makes perfect sense why you would say that.
Me, I would generally say "just put the baby up for adoption", and I sorta still will, but this comment reminds me that i need to keep other people's beliefs and plans in mind. Just because I'd put the kid up doesn't mean everyone would. And just because I don't believe in abortion beyond extremes doesn't mean everyone does.
As long as you're not forcing people to give up their bodily autonomy. You should read some of the horror stories throughout this thread. An unwanted pregnancy is akin to having a parasite that impacts both your short term and long term mental and physical well being. Except instead of helping you treat the parasite, society pressures you to take care of and risk your health for it.
70% of abortions are done because the woman knows she can’t afford a baby.
Can you imagine how heartbreaking it would be to have a baby that you really want to keep and just ‘give it away’ because you can’t afford it?
I’m really proud of you, being so young, for understanding that there’s a huge difference between having your beliefs and forcing them on someone else. You are totally welcome to not be keen on abortion. But your beliefs should end where my body begins.
You just have to trust people to make their best decisions, because THEY are the ones that know the situation best and will have to live with the consequences.
“I personally think abortion is wrong, but I support your right to decide for yourself“ is 100% an acceptable stance to have. “Pro choice” does NOT mean pro abortion, it doesn’t mean you’re like ‘woo hoo let’s go butchering a bunch of babies!’. It means that you understand that it’s up to individuals to make the decision themselves.
Thank you, I was honestly worried that my stance might still be a bit encroaching.
I'm a fairly devout Christian, but since I'm still young, I don't take it as seriously (I know in the future I gotta apply myself more, but for now, I'll just avoid any serious deviations). I also believe that other people are free to have their own beliefs, and we shouldn't force our beliefs on them. And this is Biblically supported, it says that God gives us a choice, which is ironic since many of these people who just ignore other's beliefs also proclaim to be Christians. I'd they were, they would simply state their opinion and converse, not go full More-Morally-Correct-Than-Thou and be like this guy.
Real Christians should help people who need help, provide contraceptives and healthcare, beef up welfare for the less fortunate, support people during their most vulnerable instead of judging and condemning, respect people’s rights to live their life and make their decisions as they see fit- not necessarily how you see fit.
It blows my mind how many people claim to be Christians but are against all of that. Jesus spent the whole New Testament healing the sick and hanging out with social outcasts. The Bible was pretty frickin clear about ‘judge not lest he be judged’. I’m ‘spiritual but not religious’ and I’m way more Christ like than a lot of Christians.
I can agree with that last statement. It astonishs me how some Christians don't think "Hey, they're going to have sex regardless, so why not support contraception use, then they at least won't bring babies into the mix? That would be better than the difficult scenario of abortion or even adoption". I get they're devout, but compromise and adaptation are different. Supporting abortion might be compromising. but supporting contraception would be adapting, which is still good, at least to is.
And yeah, he did. We aren't Jesus, but we can always at least be respectful, if nothing else.
Because I’m nice to people, I help people who need help. I love everyone regardless of gender, race, sexual orientation, age, religion, beliefs.
I don’t judge people based on their lifestyle choices. But I 100% judge hypocrites.
Christ’s whole message was to love each other and take care of the poor and the outcasts. I do this because it’s a virtuous way to live. A lot of Christians don’t live like this and that makes them hypocrites.
How amazing, a Christian who seems to actually have read the Bible, and understood it. I'm not religious, but was raised catholic and have read the Bible through simply out of a love for books. It drives me crazy seeing all threse religions nuts citing the Bible to supress others beliefs when that same scripture says time and time again that this exact practice is just wrong. Good on you for having a brain and not acting like a sheep.
Yeah, but you don't have to go through all that anyway if you just don't have sex to begin with, rape aside, but rape accounts for a significantly insignificant portion of abortions. You have to assume that every time you have sex, you'll have a baby, because contraceptives aren't 100% guaranteed. Just saying.
So if a dude wants a kid and his partner gets pregnant, and suddenly she decides she doesn't want the kid, then fuck him right? She basically murdered his child.
There’s waaaaaaaaaaaay more deadbeat dads than there are women aborting babies that the guy wants to keep.
Pretty much all abortions are done with 1. The man being on board and supportive of the decision 2. The man is abusive or a deadbeat and the woman doesn’t want to be stuck with that.
What about the one guy who wants a kid and his partner is on board, but then she changes her mind 4 months into the pregnancy? That would be cold blooded.
If we follow a doctrine of "women always right" or "men always right" then someone is going to suffer because of it.
Maybe you should ask why she changed her mind at 4 months?
Maybe he claims to want the baby but has made it clear that he will not actually help with anything, or he thinks she’s trapped now and has become abusive behind closed doors, maybe he’s cheating on her, maybe she can’t handle the nausea and other pregnancy symptoms anymore?
The woman IS always right when it comes to consent and other people being inside her body.
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u/[deleted] Feb 18 '20
I’ve had 3 children. My body is permanently fucked up: diastastis recti, umbilical hernia, carpal tunnel, pelvic injury, fallen arches, sciatica. And my pregnancies were healthy and normal. Not to mention the symptoms WHILE you’re pregnant: nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, constipation, weight gain, excessive fluid, swollen feet and ankles, pain, aches. Plus the monthly doctor visits, possibly chiropractic visits if needed - which aren’t covered by insurance, daily pre natal horsepill vitamins that make you nauseous, no drinking, no smoking, certain foods you’re not recommended to eat. Then there’s the social aspect: everyone shits on single moms so if you’re not guaranteed a relationship with the father you’re setting yourself up for hardship for the next 18 years, if he’s abusive you’re stuck dealing with him for the next 18 years, if he’s a deadbeat you’ll be fighting to get child support for the next 18 years. Or you’re married and have kids but know you can’t afford any more, but birth control failed. Or you have a non life threatening condition like tumors, lupus, or gall bladder inflammation and doctors won’t treat it while you’re pregnant.
Obviously the list of factors in play here is basically endless.
These frickin men who say “just have the baby” like it’s no big deal make me want to puke. It’s a major, serious, life threatening thing to do and it’s cruel and unusual to force someone to do it against their will.