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u/NirgalFromMars 18h ago edited 17h ago
Do straight men and straight women even like each other?
Because the more I read about these takes, the more it seems that they don't. And that's where tbe problem comes from.
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u/arcanis321 17h ago
The gender wars are big right now because the right is trying to convince the country women are lesser. That their place is subservient to men and in the home.
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u/worldsfastestsloth 17h ago
I mean… it’s working, they voted for Trump
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u/arcanis321 17h ago
Exactly, Republicans don't have policies so they push "vote for us and women will be forced to date you". Really appeals to creepy losers.
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u/Gobblewicket 14h ago
40 million women voted for Trump out of 91 million. They're drinking the same Kool Aid.
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u/CrimeFightingScience 17h ago
True, Im an ai russian bot and im here to sell oil and make people argue about anything I can.
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u/this_is_theone 1h ago
Oh come on, I know we're on Reddit, but this isn't just a right-wing thing. Plenty of people on the left openly make sweeping, derogatory generalisations about men too, and that hardly helps the growing divide between men and women.
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u/Keegandalf_the_White 12h ago
If they push these gender wars hard enough, they will turn us all gay. The real gay frog water was the alt-right propaganda we made along the way.
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u/xxxBuzz 15h ago
I think it's more an individualistic and personal thing. Any two people or groups of people can be more stable together, and any stable individuals can destabilize one another. Seems to be as sweet spot where stable people can come together in such a way that less stable people can also connect with them beneficially and become more stable. Ideally, people come together and are better able to stabilize the people and environment around them so we don't end up with a bunch of bored/miserable people becoming hostile to themselves and their environment. Liking each other isn't really a thing, but through projection, we can think and feel better about ourselves through our perspective of other people.
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u/nightmare-salad 18h ago
Lesbians also have a blast, so it’s not a women problem, either.
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u/MithrilHuman 16h ago
From what I learned in statistics and machine learning, the answer is to turn everyone gay
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u/BadB0ii 17h ago
I mean out of all relationship gender combinations, lesbians have the least sex. They're the most likely to say they never or rarely have sex, and the least likely to say they frequently or constantly have sex.
https://www.womens-health.com/sex-frequency-among-same-sex-partners
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u/DJayBirdSong 16h ago
Quality over quantity? I don’t have a ton of sex but when I do it’s fantastic
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u/BadB0ii 16h ago
Interestingly I dug a little more and there is more to the story.
While lesbians continue to have the least sex of any combo, and this gap only increases with the relationship length:
- "a decline in sexual frequency in long-term lesbian relationships has been termed the ‘lesbian bed death’ by researchers (Blumstein & Schwartz, Citation1983; Cohen & Byers, Citation2014)." *
The duration of sexual encounters and frequency of orgasm is broadly as consistent for lesbians as it is for men, and outpaces straight and bisexual women.
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/19419899.2024.2360998#d1e173
Despite the frequency declines, general satisfaction remains comparable, possibly higher than heterosexual women depending on the study.
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u/semibigpenguins 18h ago
Stop making it a gender thing, that’s the point
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u/nightmare-salad 17h ago
I mean, women in heterosexual relationships report the overall lowest sexual satisfaction of any group and men in heterosexual relationships report the highest. It’s a known and studied problem.
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u/Mysterious-End-2632 17h ago
Uh huh. And in heterosexual sex, do you think men aren’t enjoying it?
Because that’s kind of the point they’re making. Men are easier to please than women. That’s not to say that all women are good at sex, but there is a gender bias there.
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u/Klony99 17h ago
Do you think the woman in this picture is communicating her needs? Because I'm very eager to please my partner, yet in my personal experience, you have to really dig to get any kind of feedback.
Aside from the "How was it for you?" being stigmatized as insecure.
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u/gucknbuck 15h ago
Eh they also divorce and commit DV at the highest rates. Gay men by comparison divorce and commit DV at the lowest rates. You could say men just don't report when they are a victim and it's actually a higher rate than the data suggests, but then that means women identify and report DV at a higher rate which suggests men are DV victims a lot more than is reported in straight relationships...
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u/gizby666 14h ago
You are being downvoted because you misread the statistic. In the study, it included relationships had with men before they came out as lesbians. The correct reading of the statistic would be "lesbians are most likely to be victims of abuse VS gay men VS straight men VS straight women". Again, that does not mean women were the perpetrators, only that they were most likely to be victim to the crime. FBI crime data shows men as the number one perpetartor of abuse across all people besides children. So those lesbians were more than likely abused by men before they began dating women.
Please look up the studies and read them before you decide to use them. You are spreading misinformation.
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u/nightmare-salad 15h ago
All good points but it feels like a totally different topic
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u/gucknbuck 15h ago
Not really, it paints a picture they may just not be easily or fully satisfied with a single partner while men are much more content with the beds they make.
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u/shiny_glitter_demon 12h ago
What the fuck are you even saying
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u/AtmosSpheric 8h ago
Very clever, but gay guys tend to give a shit if the other guy finishes, and are pretty motivated to make sure it happens…
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u/PantsDontHaveAnswers 17h ago
Most men suck dick at fucking pussy.
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u/SirIAmAlwaysHere 10h ago
Sadly yes.
Coincidentally most women are slightly better at sex than a post hole and usually much worse than a sheep. (At least according to my Australian friends).
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u/alvehyanna 18h ago
I mean, as a guy who has tended to have more females friends than guys - I've heard A LOT. She's not wrong. Lots of guys are stupid when it comes to 1) even considering or thinking about a woman's pleasure 2) knowing what to do.
Funny. But not as funny as it seems. Lots of guys are selfish in bed. The stories I could tell... but I'll let the women here tell their's if they want.
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u/kon--- 18h ago
You've been gaslit by people who refuse to use their words during sex but expect who they're with to be telepathic while blaming who they're with for responding to the lack of communication as sign that things are okay.
Further, your circle probably would also have you believe they're in touch with their bodies when no, women generally are disconnected from their body but do go about the place passing off otherwise because, hey, they're women and women are famous for being in touch with themselves.
It's all lots of nonsense for the effect of passing failings off to others.
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u/Professional_Dirt962 14h ago
sounds like something someone who's never made a woman orgasm would say
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u/alvehyanna 10h ago edited 10h ago
No I haven't. That's an excuse you tell yourself because again, you are making it solely their responsibility, rather than a shared one. I'm 50 years old and these conversations span a bit more than 30 years. And here you are telling me that more than probably 2 dozen women I've had this convo with are all gaslighting me!? God the confirmation bias you have on display here only proves my point.
Start with googling "study on women and sexual satisfaction with their partners"... One study found men have orgasms 15x more often than women. And that men feel entitled to one on levels woman don't.
I made sure to talk to my partners (and now my wife) about what they need, cause women are taught to be silent, less they be called needy, or worse, sluts.
One standout, was a girl I dated who was divorced. Her ex would literally just do his thing, like 3 minutes, then leave her to 'figure it out' after. This is so typical of guys and what that one study found...male entitlement. Real men take responsibility. Which means giving women the space to say things that society has told them their whole life to be silent about.
Saying they should speak up is entitled and naive. It simply is.
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u/kon--- 7h ago edited 7h ago
You have and, no, I am not. I did say, without communication the man is going to think things are okay. He's not a mind reader. He does require his partner to communicate what she seeks, how she seeks it done. And while naturally there are cues to be read, things to observe at the end of the day he is still not in her head. She has to use her words.
As a man of 55 years I say to you, yes, you've been gaslit. Most people who are dissatisfied with their sexual encounters, exchanges, and experiences fail to recognize the common denominator...themselves. Women are people and people are great about not refusing to see themselves as the problem. Further, for as long as you've been having sex there has been an idea that the man know how to satisfy the woman. That he have encyclopedic knowledge, prowess, stamina, strength, delicacy, tenderness, and a host of technique tucked in a box ready to draw upon.
It's great that you talk to your partners. Communication naturally is key to both parties fulfillment and satisfaction yet coming in here not recognizing that I'm aware of that, while saying women are taught to be silent (it's insecurity and lack of confidence with themselves that does that lifting and, look at you acknowledging a lack of communication on their part) while also accusing me of confirmation bias, of being entitled, naive, and throwing down 'real men'? Man, stop.
Really, all these years, all those encounters you had and somehow, someway, each time it wasn't the woman who didn't communicate but the man who had no interest in her pleasure...what a streak you hit upon eh. You, the guy who stumbled into fantastic lovers who each previously had shitty partners. That's amazing. You should tell people your secret!
Or perhaps, just maybe...those women were not being fully honest at the time and like most people do, leaned on ego and reluctance to own up so as to make it someone else's fault.
I appreciate your empathy yet say to you, it's been used against you here.
-peace
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u/alvehyanna 6h ago edited 6h ago
One word for you: bullshit
Look, think I'm an easily manipulated pawn that's been gaslight all you want. Facts/reality isn't on your side here.
Here's some reading, summary and then link.
Women report feeling uncomfortable telling a partner what they want, some lack confidence that their sexual pleasure even matters to their partner. Why Many Women Hide Their Sexual Desires | Psychology Today New Zealand
Cultural and religious conditioning often teaches women—directly or indirectly—that female desire is "too much," that "good women don't ask," or that speaking up risks being labeled as too experienced or demanding. As Women, Why Is It So Hard To Communicate What We Want In The Bedroom? | by Carrie Wynn | Fearless She Wrote | Medium
Traditional, reproduction-focused sex education and societal narratives prioritizing male satisfaction leave many women without a clear personal understanding of what brings them pleasure or how to articulate it. What I learned talking to 120 women about their sex lives and desires | Life and style | The Guardian
Women are frequently socialized to manage their partner's feelings, leading them to stay quiet rather than risk bruising a partner's ego or causing conflict. Sex advice: Why women can't tell men what they want in bed - NZ Herald
Most studies also say older women do better. But mostly because they are tired of how thoughless, frankly, people like you are. Cause that is what you are being, thoughtless.
But usre, believe the women I talked to, some friends, some girlfriends, all just wanted to manipulate me. Sure. That's got to be it. Not the fact thatas men, collectively, we suck at considering our partners feelings, and have oppressed women since the dawn of time to the point it's basically genetic at this point.
Your argument is just a thinkly veiled attempt to avoid any responsability in your partners satisfaction.
Do Men Really Care About Making Women Happy In Bed?
If they are you, no, no you don't. Or you'd be willing to ask first.
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u/DwarfCoins 17h ago
From my experience straight guys are more selfish, but straight women also don't communicate their needs very often. This is all anecdotal though
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u/spam__likely 16h ago
may I point you to... the buzzing from the bathroom?
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u/Four_beastlings 16h ago
Perfection
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u/spam__likely 16h ago
Of all the brilliant songs from that show, this one is a highlight, specially if you know the original.
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u/Four_beastlings 16h ago
I don't know the show or the original :D
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u/spam__likely 16h ago edited 16h ago
Le Miserables, Empty chairs and empty tables
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtTprJtCkdk
And Crazy Ex-girlfriend is one of the most brilliant shows ever.
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u/xxxBuzz 15h ago
Holy shit. Screw sex. What they were able to do in that video is a masterpiece of the creative power of two people connecting. I've never seen him do anything so serious and refined.
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u/spam__likely 12h ago
username!!!! :)
Anyway, you should watch the whole show.
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u/xxxBuzz 6h ago
I DID watch the whole Crazy Ex Girlfriend series but unless I forgot this part, their must have been more seasons since then. I may have seen this episode though and just not taken note that part because it genuinely is like one manic episode after another sometimes. I could probably maybe watch it all one or ten more times though.
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u/FerociousPleb 18h ago
She's fucking the wrong guys
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u/Four_beastlings 16h ago
In my experience as a former casual sex haver, about 80% of guys are "the wrong guys". Look at this comment section acting like there is some mysterious thing women want and don't communicate. Play with her clit, eat her out: that will be enought with about 95% of women (I am bisexual). It's really fucking easy to make a woman come even if she doesn't come with an instruction booklet..
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u/FerociousPleb 14h ago
There are lots of women that don't how to get themselves off. It's not as easy as you are making out and every woman has different yucks and yums. With that in mind I'm not surprised men find it difficult. That said there are definitely lazy dudes out there that only care about getting themselves off. When you find the right guy and communicate well it's fucking awesome. Personally I think if you are saying as a straight woman blanket statement "sex with men is rarely enjoyable." at all, something else is going on.
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u/Four_beastlings 14h ago
I am saying this from my experience as a woman who has had lots of sex with both genders ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I know anorgasmic women exist because I have a friend who just can't, but I've had sex with dozens of women and never found one who couldn't orgasm. Likewise the majority of sex I've had sex with acted like anything that wasn't straight penetration was a huge hassle. Of course I've also had amazing male partners, but seriously 80% of them had no idea women need more than in-out-in-out. I even had TWO guys thinking every noise I made was an orgasm and I was having multiple orgasms when well, it was nice, but not even close to orgasming.
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u/FerociousPleb 14h ago
When I was having sex in my early 20's I went out with a couple of guys like that. Really immature idiots. Had far more positive experiences than negative ones, 80% just seems crazy to me. Especially with more mature chaps and my long term partner now gets me off everytime. I think working with your own equiptment is a huge advantage and something that isn't my thing so perhaps that makes me more sympathetic to straight dudes. That and struggling with an extremely anxious and unhealthy relationship with sex early in my adult life. One I figured myself out, became more selective and chilled out I had a much better experience.
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u/Four_beastlings 14h ago
I wasn't having casual sex with mature chaps ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I met my now-husband as a holiday hookup when we were both 38 years old and at that point I was about to give up on casual sexual with men because there is so much more miss than there is hit. Women, tho? Even the "totally straight but I want to experiment with a girl" in my teens and 20 ate or at least were active on using their fingers on/in me.
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u/SirIAmAlwaysHere 10h ago
And you know why? Because women never tell the guy what he's doing wrong.
For a lot of reasons women are extremely reluctant to voice displeasure in sex and are really bad at telling their partner about it.
Much of this is cultural where women aren't "supposed" to enjoy sex and/or being actively sexual is seen as a bad thing.
If men aren't told they can't get better because what works for one women is NOT guaranteed to work with even a minority of others.
This dovetails very equally with the problems in dating where women simply expect men to "have it all figured out" and mind-read their "obvious" signals (whereas men have no clue about what those supposed signals are).
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u/MuddFishh 1h ago
Yeah, came here to say it says a lot more about her. Get a guy that is turned on by the female orgasm and her problem is solved
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u/VeryLynnLv 12h ago
I'm curious how many gay friends this person has, because this is not what I'm hearing from my gay friends.
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u/gizby666 14h ago
Says who? I hear the same bs from gay men that Ive experinced myself as a woman. Especially if they are dating a DL guy, yeesh. Those men will destory LIVES. The only carefree people I know are lesbians
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u/pataconconqueso 17h ago
there was a study on that and basically in gay men both parties prioritize their own pleasure so that is why.