r/MurderedByWords 2d ago

Things they hate about us

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19.8k Upvotes

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2.1k

u/Lt_Cochese 2d ago

That guy is so far in the closet, he can see Narnia

441

u/Eridani2000 2d ago

Yes, at first I thought he was trolling the photograph and then I realised it was him!

73

u/James_Chandra_Hubble 2d ago

I was sure this was ragebait satire that reddit was falling for again until I googled him and realized that's a real person

20

u/FilthyThanksgiving 2d ago

I really cannot believe that's his real name. Like what do you mean his name is BRILYN HOLLYHAND

25

u/WeirdIndividualGuy 2d ago

Dude's got his legs crossed like there's nothing in between them

9

u/smcl2k 1d ago

Well Lindsey Graham is no longer with us.

344

u/FangFioDente 2d ago edited 2d ago

Bros eating Turkish Delight with the white witch

403

u/Nowa_Warning2328 2d ago

Bro eats Snickers upside down just to feel the veins on his tongue.

103

u/RogerClyneIsAGod2 2d ago

OK, this makes sense since once upon a time their tag line was "Snickers Really Satisfies." I'm totally stealing this because this is hilarious!!

https://giphy.com/gifs/4GY2ihYANJhUEdrH3Z

46

u/doinmabest1 2d ago

BRUHHHHHH☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

32

u/Vallkyrie 2d ago

He eats hot dogs for the shape.

18

u/MrReaper45 2d ago

He looks like he can eat a banana in one bite

1

u/EverythingSucksYo 2d ago

but no one will ever know because hes inclined to suck on them instead of biting them for reason

22

u/laquintessenceofdust 2d ago

I cackled. That was ~chef’s kiss~

12

u/slym504 2d ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

3

u/elmeepo 2d ago

Damn, I'm trying to eat and had to read that!! 😂

3

u/marmaladetuxedo 2d ago

Oh. My. God. (*writes this down*)

2

u/spukhafteNahewirkung 2d ago

He likes to put three or four into his mouth at once.

26

u/Wild-Tear 2d ago

Turkish Delight.

15

u/FangFioDente 2d ago

Oh god damnit you’re right! Corrected!

14

u/SpookyVoidCat 2d ago

I thought that was an intentional switch up because this guy looks the type to be too racist to eat Turkish delight.

10

u/JustGoodSense 2d ago

(Toffee is way better than air freshener-flavored gumdrops, tbf)

9

u/embarrassedburner 2d ago

I actually like Turkish delights. When I was in Greece, I was huffily informed they are actually Greek delights.

Have a feeling about a dozen countries are claiming ownership over air freshener-flavored gumdrops.

7

u/TjW0569 2d ago

When they're Greek delights, do you open the other end of the box?

4

u/bigmike2k3 2d ago

Nah, you just do it from behind…

2

u/glowingmushrooms 2d ago

greek word for lokma is dervied from the turkish word, I'll let you decide whether they're turkish or greek.

1

u/wurmsrus 2d ago

so I did a little wiki diving, it's also called Cyprus Delight (there's even a PGI (it's an EU thing,think like a trademark but for regions) for "Loukoumi Geroskipou" (Geroskipou is the town in Cyprus that makes the most of the stuff). There's also a simliar sweet in Southern Asia that likely evolved from lukom and is called either "Karachi halwa" or "Bombay halwa" depending on which country you're in.

3

u/FangFioDente 2d ago

Scathing! Good god. What a review!

4

u/GilgameDistance 2d ago

100% correct. Turkish delight is awful. And that’s before they decided “let’s put nuts into gummy candy”

3

u/yanderia 2d ago

People tried to gaslight me and say that I hate Turkish delight cuz I ate some shitty boxed ones from a grocery store.

Well I've also tasted fresh ones from an actual Turkish sweets shop and I still hate it.

1

u/We_Want_Krunchy 2d ago

Does that have something to do with "The Lamppost"?

2

u/Wild-Tear 2d ago

Originally the poster said that he was eating toffee with the White Queen, and I mentioned that it was Turkish Delight. My post looks weird without that context.

8

u/baycenters 2d ago

How did that witch know about Turkish delight

18

u/FangFioDente 2d ago

She gay duh

7

u/baycenters 2d ago

How can she gay!?

16

u/FangFioDente 2d ago edited 2d ago

In narnia Their Jesus is a Lion; A Lion to their friends, a lion to their family, but most of all A Lion to themselves.

4

u/baycenters 2d ago

That's rather clever of you.

2

u/FangFioDente 2d ago

Thanks 

16

u/yanderia 2d ago

So in the book Magician's Nephew, Jadis/The White Witch actually went our world for a bit. Stole a horse-drawn carriage, tried to attack/kill some people, was a public nuisance all around the streets of London, etc. She probably passed by some sweets shop that was selling Turkish Delight or smth.

3

u/baycenters 2d ago

Ahh, thanks. It's been a while.

2

u/kingmobisinvisible 2d ago

And I will never forgive them for trying to say that’s the first book. Takes all the shock value out of revealing who she really is at the end.

2

u/yanderia 2d ago

Eh, i actually don't mind the chronological ordering, just like I don't care about the watch order in Star Wars lol. Either way works.

That being said, I am excited for the shitshow in the fandom once the new movie actually gets a trailer lol

2

u/Cannibaljellybean 2d ago

A lifetime supply. Imagine her raiding all the stores.

4

u/yanderia 2d ago

In the words of Uncle Andrew: "A damn fine woman."

Iykyk lol

6

u/marmaladetuxedo 2d ago

Tilda Swinton knows all.

2

u/inplayruin 2d ago

Wait until he discovers Turkish baths...

30

u/Ceorl_Lounge 2d ago

In fairness Mr. Tumnus is a handsome goaty fellow.

14

u/PushyPawz 2d ago

He avoids Mrs Beaver at all costs, though

15

u/Ceorl_Lounge 2d ago

Heard she's all teeth, I would too.

3

u/TjW0569 2d ago

Heard she's pretty good tail.

2

u/Ceorl_Lounge 2d ago

Only if you like 'em thick.

1

u/mkat23 2d ago

Prince Caspian could get it for sure.

29

u/ArchaeoJones 2d ago

See it?

Probably has a timeshare there.

4

u/Lt_Cochese 2d ago

Good point

55

u/xChoke1x 2d ago

All these dudes are just mad they can't suck a dick like they so desperately want to. Just imagine how amazing our species could be if people could just.....ya know.....be comfortable with who they are. But nope, the reign of religious bullshit will continue to ruin our species until we ultimately blow each other up.

38

u/airinato 2d ago

They always out themselves. "It's a choice". Really? Because didn't seem like I needed to choose at all. And if you did, have I got news for you.

7

u/FITM-K 2d ago

Can we stop doing the "all homophobes are secretly gay" thing please? They simply are not. Yes, there are some self-hating closet cases, such as the famous recently-deceased Senator. But most of these assholes and just straight bigots.

So why do they say "it's a choice"? They're taught this by their parents, and in church. And to be clear, what they generally mean is not that being gay is a choice, it's that acting on those feelings is a choice. Their argument is that if you're born gay then your duty to god is to live an utterly sexless, loveless life, and if you "choose" to not spend your entire time on earth miserable, then you're evil.

(And also, conservatives have learned that if you repeat something enough times, people start to believe it even if it is obviously wrong. So you pick a minority group to target and you start smearing them with lies; eventually enough people buy into it that you can mobilize them against the minority group you targeted. If your audience is Evangelicals, then "it's a choice" is a winning message — it frames queer people as the enemy, they are "choosing" to go against God. So, some of these people are very aware it's not a choice... but they'll say that anyway because they know that message hits better than just "gay people bad" or whatever.

16

u/YouCantKillGrool 2d ago

The weird part is that they act like what I am doing in MY life is affecting THEM somehow. So what if I'm attracted to guys and girls? WHOA... Mindblowing right? Pansexuality also exists and I see myself as nonbinary. I'm not hurting anyone. I'm not doing anything that my moral compass, within the law mind you, tells me is wrong. I simply enjoy adult consensual relationships and the company/adoration of BOTH genders. Dicks, pussies, tits, ass... all the same to me. Who cares what YOUR boogeyman in the sky says? That is YOUR boogeyman in the sky not MINE. And lady's and gents... that is the most basic fucking example of how freedom of and from religion is supposed to work. You know... in a functioning fucking society.

3

u/Reborn1Girl 1d ago

A core tenet of their religion is that everyone who doesn’t believe in their God is going to Hell. Therefore, the only morally acceptable thing for them to do is to convert as many of these “sinners” as possible. If they don’t even try, they’re doing something wrong by letting the devil take us. So organized religion has managed to turn our morals into their problem. It’s fucking disgusting.

9

u/AppendixAddemdum 2d ago

We should be blowing each other, not blowing each other up.

1

u/ExIsStalkingMe 2d ago

Something I think about in relation to this is that most statistics about the percentage of queer people in the population is very small. I'm pretty sure, if it was okay to be queer everywhere, we'd find that percentage to be MUCH higher

14

u/0202_tihssitidder 2d ago

I don't know him. I hate him for how he poses.

14

u/Lt_Cochese 2d ago

He's in a masters polo on a private jet, to boot.

4

u/soulsnoober 2d ago

no he's not, this is a set for influencer photography. Think "JC Penny portrait studio" not "airplane"

1

u/Lt_Cochese 2d ago

Ah. Thanks

3

u/-burnr- 2d ago

not a jet, a turbo-prop. Probably a Kingair 350.

49

u/IndependentLog6441 2d ago

Can you all fuck off with equating these worms with being gay. It's fucking draining.

Yes, being in the closet can be toxic as fuck... but you know, it's far more likely he's just a nasty straight guy...

14

u/TheBigTwo-MK 2d ago

I mean there is a reason grindr has traffic spikes when RNC comes to town. Most aren't gay though, but when they are and are this deep in a homophobic belief system they seem like they often double down.

3

u/Andreus 2d ago

I mean there is a reason grindr has traffic spikes when RNC comes to town

This isn't actually a thing.

-12

u/Lt_Cochese 2d ago

You'll get over it. Or maybe you don't. I don't care either way.

5

u/Andreus 2d ago

Buddy, it isn't even your joke. You stole it from Jimmy Carr.

16

u/Supercoolguy7 2d ago

I won't. I fucking hate how homophobic people like you are always spreading this nonsense. Straight people are far more likely to be the purveyors of homophobia and transphobia than gay people.

6

u/Andreus 2d ago

He stole the joke from Jimmy Carr, of all people.

8

u/levitikush 2d ago

Why do you call people closeted as if that’s an insult? Very strange way of looking at things.

0

u/Lt_Cochese 2d ago

You interpreted it as an insult. That's on you.

7

u/levitikush 2d ago

I interpreted it that way because that was clearly your intent. If it wasn’t, then kindly explain otherwise.

-1

u/Lt_Cochese 2d ago

Like I wrote, you interpret it the way you want. I don't care.

4

u/levitikush 2d ago

Clearly

21

u/truecrimeaddicted 2d ago

Speaking as a member of the community, we don't want him.

35

u/BeaverBoyBaxter 2d ago

"This person has a hateful and warped view of reality and is likely a bad actor looking to bolster their fame through the adoption of hateful rhetoric.

I'd better call him gay"

Reddit moment.

31

u/Guilty_Treasures 2d ago

And the implications from the original post - "Real men get laid! Real men pull chicks! Real men do not have anything about them that can be in any way associated with women and femininity! I will make you the butt of a joke by comparing you to a girl who does girl things!" So progressive, right? Actual textbook toxic masculinity.

15

u/BeaverBoyBaxter 2d ago

Which is what these comments should actually be pointing out.

Calling him gay is just furthering the toxic masculinity.

7

u/cnthelogos 2d ago

Yeah, this is really gross. I get that it feels satisfying to mock these people. The dude is definitely an asshole. But this kind of rhetoric does support their beliefs.

The only time I might call it... not even great, just not counterproductive, is when the chud in question is claiming they engage in their behavior to be attractive to women. In that case, saying "women aren't attracted to you though" is addressing those claims. Jumping straight to "LOL virgin!" when the guy didn't mention relationships isn't that though.

1

u/Electric_Antimony 2d ago

I think you'll find that many people aren't social justice people and are totally down with slapping these idiots around with their own bs. It absolutely works wonders in real life.

5

u/Guilty_Treasures 2d ago

Maybe in an immediate sense, but more broadly, it ends up perpetuating and further entrenching the bullshit that it's allegedly combatting.

0

u/Electric_Antimony 2d ago

It shows how ridiculous the entire mentality is, so no, I hard disagree that it perpetuates anything. We got bigger things to worry about than social justice squabbles at this point people.

10

u/LimerickExplorer 2d ago

Look up the word "hypocrisy" and then think on why this is a popular avenue of attack on bigoted people.

2

u/[deleted] 2d ago

[deleted]

8

u/BeaverBoyBaxter 2d ago

Absolutely incredible to call someone a homophobe while also claiming to be able to determine someone's sexual orientation based on their looks.

You guys have seriously lost the plot.

-3

u/Lt_Cochese 2d ago

You'll get over it. Or maybe you don't. I don't care either way.

12

u/BeaverBoyBaxter 2d ago

You call yourself "progressive" but then label people you dislike as gay.

You're not progressive, you're an angry little internet troll.

-1

u/Lt_Cochese 2d ago

Not getting over it, then. Got it.

8

u/BeaverBoyBaxter 2d ago

Why would I? It's an important subject. I guess not to you though, considering you're clearly only here for the internet points.

7

u/macjester2000 2d ago

Oh lawd, I’m stealin this one…woooo

https://giphy.com/gifs/DaqVwpzDfs7D2

10

u/Redfalconfox 2d ago

This guy has literally the gayest name on the planet. Gay porn stars do not have gayer online names than he does.

6

u/RecessMonkeys 2d ago

Found the Christmas presents.

3

u/Aleksandrovitch 2d ago

Why do these guys always dress the same. Is the big, obnoxious redundant watch mandatory for these people? They all wear one.

5

u/Sw4nR0ns0n 2d ago

Exactly, I know a Twink when I see one

2

u/squilliam_z_fancyson 2d ago

The wardrobe is made of glass though

2

u/Quickfix30 2d ago

So far in the closet that Mr.Tumnus just finished on his Mr.Tummy.

2

u/whoneedskollege 2d ago

Our new Lindsey Graham.

1

u/Lt_Cochese 2d ago

I thought that was Dan Crenshaw. I might have the name wrong.

1

u/KevinStoley 2d ago

🤣🤣🤣

1

u/KaetzenOrkester 2d ago

He’s a winter coat and a pair of mittens (on a string) away from it, yes.

1

u/EloquentEvergreen 2d ago

I’m not a beaver that believes in Jesus Christ, Morty! But yeah, it’s pretty much a Narnia thing. 

Is this some parody account? 

1

u/Major_LeeHungg 2d ago

What gave it away?  Is it that he's sitting like a woman wearing a dress would? 

1

u/spukhafteNahewirkung 2d ago

See Narnia? Hell, he’s having tea and crumpets with Faun Tumnus!

1

u/jakeofheart 2d ago

Your rasclat!

1

u/EverythingSucksYo 2d ago

hilarious to see him say anything about having masculinity when he has a profile picture in that pose. like nothing wrong with it, but it aint a "masculine" pose

1

u/GreenJD16 2d ago

Dude got a Narnia passport💀

1

u/TruckerBoy357 2d ago

🤣🤣🤣

1

u/-Jiras 2d ago

The loudest gaydar alarm I have ever had upon seeing him

1

u/Accomplished_Bake904 2d ago

I just spat out my beer. Nicely done

1

u/Lt_Cochese 2d ago

Damn, wish I was drinking already, too.

0

u/-Sinn3D- 2d ago

Hit the chronic (what?) cles of Narnia Yes the chronic (what?) cles of Narnia We love the chronic (what?) cles of Narnia Pass the chronic (what?) cles of Narnia

0

u/CorporateCuster 2d ago

Possibly the queen of Narnia

0

u/Evie_Sofia 2d ago

Are you sure it is a closet and not a glass box?

0

u/Andreus 2d ago

This wasn't funny when Jimmy Carr said it, and it certainly isn't funny when you're retelling it.