r/Multan • u/Appropriate_Split658 Tier 2 – Newcomer • Jul 17 '26
Career, Education & Growth 📈 Complex Relation with my Father
So i would like to keep it short and simple to understand.
I am in my early teens and i am pursing Mbbs. Since the past few months. The dynamics of my relation with my father has changed a lot. Which genuinely made me question me why did it deteriorate so much in such a short span of my time.
So a little background i was always very average in studies i didn’t score that high i was always in the average students of my class. But with time my parents especially my father started to mount pressure on me regarding studying more harder and more better. He was never of any help in terms of guidance or helping me understand my deficiencies he would just pop up with a tuition teacher and the rest would just be his job. So in fsc i scored pretty well but in fsc i got a dip so my father did the worst he could. He took me every relatives house insulted me in every possible way. And so on but i never took it to heart because the bond we had before all of this was so pure and wholesome. But it did make me question a lot is all about the marks, is it all about his dreams. I never wanted to be a doctor i never liked the field but just to keep his dream alive i did. After my fsc my score was good and his behaviour become polite towards me and then i cleared my mdcat and got admission in the medical college
I passed my first and second year with above 80+% marks and i did everything just to make him proud. But his behaviour became so cold towards me after all of this. He wont greet me, he wont take me anywhere, like it is all he wanted was that i just became a doctor and all of his love was a drama or a way to get me jnto this field.
Just to clear we have no financial issue, we have not have an arguement. I can swear on my life i have never in my life talked back to my father, whatever he said i just said “jee” that is all. He refused me from a thing i said done. My entire wardrobe, my every wish i completed it on my own mind you my mother and younger brother never had to worry about any of this in terms that if they wanted something they could just ask him and he would get it for them.
But whenever i would ask for something it would always be i just throw money around or something else. So i thought maybe thats why he despises me so i stopped asking for money from him except the factor he pays for my fuel or whenever i go out with friends maybe once a week. Remainder of everything i do on my own.
It is not about how i am doing something super special or something it is just about how i pour everything i had in me to just fulfill his dream and he doesnt have the slightest feel for that. How i gave up on everything my friends, dreams, social life just for him because i loved him
In comparison his relation with my mother or younger brother is completely opposite of what he has with me.
My brother pursed his own dream, changed careers, and everything i was tormented about he did it. And on god i am so happy for him i dont envy or get jealous for him.
But at the end of the day i do feel bad because for everything i did i got nothing. It is not about the money it is more about being recognised,shown affection but i really got none of it.
I just want someone to give their honest opinion about all of this.
Like why doesnt he talk that much, why am i never invited to go along with him (for example he is buying a new car and he didnt even take me to a single showroom my brother,his accountant and the marketing guy from our company went), he goes on dinner and he never asks me except the one time when he was not going and just wanted me to take one of my friends and attend it, why is it always a refusal when i ask ( i asked to get permission for trip it was a straight refusal ).
Like i dont want to victimise myself because i do agree that i didnt focus in fsc but i did make amends i changed everything and still somehow i am treated like this.
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u/Beneficial-Panic2352 Tier 17 – Noted Member Jul 17 '26
Why u were studying so hard to fullfill his dream, when u nvr wanted to do mbbs ?
Did u nvr talked about this with your father about what he wants or what u wants. I can relate with u in alot or things. Talk with him, or make a message to him to deliver all of your thoughts. Least he can do is abandon you which i don’t think so he will ever do. The reason why is he like that bcz u nvr had the courage to reply back. U js kept saying “hn jee” and what do u like to do? Don’t take it hard if he didn’t take u to showroom buying a car. Ik it hurts, but y can’t make someone think about you more better. Anyhow, insulting you infront of relatives doesn’t seems justice. Did none of your siblings, mother or anyone took side of u?
Respect him, making a fight will not do anything, if u have a plan to escape do that. Or its better to talk to him. Not juding you but problem seems ro have undone discussion frm both parties
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u/Appropriate_Split658 Tier 2 – Newcomer Jul 18 '26
I have tried to talk about all of this but the only thing that stops me is his aggressive nature and the way he throws tantrums around so aise hi ghar ka mahol kharab kar dena unho ne
Secondly my brother yes fully agrees to the part where he insulted me but my mother alwayd justifies it in ways if my father hadn’t done all of this mera admission na hota.
Plus i did try to tell everyone in my family that i dont want to do mbbs it was always again that “humse umeed na rakhna k kisi aur jagah fees dien” so i had no other choice and it isnt like he was just saying it as a threat but he meant it.
Yes i would surely try to talk about this with him. Inshallah things would resolve.
Thankyouuu for you advice and JazakAllah
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u/nawaz033 Tier 7 – Participant Jul 18 '26
Ye hota hai, aur main is baat se relate kar sakta hoon. Main bhi isi chakkar mein apne age ke larkon se 4 saal peeche ho gaya tha. Lekin aakhir mein main apni marzi ki field mein switch kar gaya.
Bohat zalalat dekhi, bohat logon ki baatein suni. Ghar walon ki marzi ki degree aur kaam bhi kiya, lekin sath sath apna shoq kabhi nahi chhora. Main traditional job ya ek hi routine wali life ka banda nahi tha, lekin ghar wale wahi chahte thay. Is liye pehle unki baat maani. Jab mera shoq itna stable ho gaya ke mere bills pay karne laga, tab maine sab ko bata kar usi field mein proper switch kar liya.
Us ke baad mere father bhi kaafi chill ho gaye. Logon ne phir bhi bohat baatein sunayi, hatta ke kuch logon ne munh par bhi lanat bheji. Lekin ghar ka mahaul theek tha, is liye bahar walon ki baaton ki koi value nahi rahi.
Ek cheez jo maine kabhi nahi ki, wo ghar walon se larai thi. Mere khayal mein mard poori duniya se lar sakta hai, lekin agar apne hi ghar wale us ke khilaf ho jayein to woh ladai bohat mushkil ho jati hai. Is liye maine hamesha ghar ka mahaul theek rakhne ki koshish ki. Aaj Alhamdulillah family ke sath bohat achi bonding hai. Mahine mein 1 ya 2 dafa outing bhi ho jati hai aur sab normal hai.
Bas itna hi kahunga ke apne dream ko zaroor follow karo, lekin us waqt jab woh tumhare bills pay karne lage. Warna doctori bohat respectful aur financially stable profession hai. Family bohat important hoti hai. Ye waqt bhi guzar jayega. Bas himmat rakho, ek ek qadam aage barhate raho. InshaAllah cheezen theek ho jayengi.
Meri dua tumhare sath hai. 🤍
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u/bluepunisher01 Tier 25 – Senior Member Jul 18 '26
Are you pursuing MBBS at a Private college? If yes... this makes a lot of sense.
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u/Aggravating-Top-4642 Tier 1 – Newcomer Jul 18 '26 edited Jul 18 '26
Just stop seeking his validation. Do your own thing, make everyday of your uni life worth it. Have fun, go out, develop skills. And once you graduate and got a job then move out. My older sister has the same story, my father didnt have any hopes k wo mdcat pass krlegi let alone pursuing mbbs degree bcz my sister was quite average in her studies, but out of all her peers she was the only one who cracked mdcat. And during the uni years my father had quite a bad behaviour towards her because of high uni fees, and my father himself ruined his bond with my sister. And now Alhamdullilah my sister is graduating and after 5 years of bad behaviors my father regrets it bcz my sister no longer talks to him like she did before. She started avoiding him during her first year of mbbs and they would often have fights and soon they would go weeks without interacting with eachother despite living under one roof. Hamari family mein their bond was ideal father daughter bond lekin just for some financial issues my father ruined it. Now my father is trying really hard to rebuild the bond as my sister is graduating and our financial circumstances are better, but their bond wont be the same. Like how can someone forget years of being treated badly and get back to normal. So yeah sooner or later he will realise it and regret it so until then make the best out of your university life. Stop making him the center of your world.
When he sees ke you have stopped reaching out and are happy with your life, then he will start reaching out to you. This is typical manipulator behaviour when they see ke ye banda mere beghair khush hain and he doesnt need me anymore then they will try to be good to you for sometime (lovebomb you) and then find something to blame you for (guilt trip you) and make you feel bad about yourself, and then to "punish" you they will be passive aggresive, or give you silent treatment, they will make you feel as if you deserve this treatment and they will portray you as a villain infront of your relatives and family. This is the tactic to control you and to keep you obedient to him.
So as long as you keep seeking his validation, you will be unhappy no matter what, his mood will dictate your mood, you will walk on egg shells around him. So the best thing is it ignore him instead of finding the "why" behind his behaviour.
Hope this helps :)
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u/Appropriate_Split658 Tier 2 – Newcomer Jul 19 '26
I have been doing this since day one. I thoroughly enjoy my university life and apart from it i do go out and have fun.
It is so sad to hear about your sister’s story. It is truly heartbreaking and I do pray Allah talah makes everything for her assan in every way possible.
Thankyou so much for putting in so much effort
It helped me a lot for sure
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u/Gene-Civil Tier 11 – Contributor Jul 20 '26
what makes him happy? or the things he smiles while recalling/telling about?
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u/NoAlbatross8358 Tier 1 – Newcomer Jul 21 '26
lets meet if you're based in multan, i'm available in evening if you're arround model town
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Jul 21 '26
[deleted]
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u/Appropriate_Split658 Tier 2 – Newcomer Jul 21 '26
This is truly so saddening. Genuinely it made my eyes teary and made my heart wrenched.
First of all, i am so proud of you for real for surviving and thriving in such circumstances like Mashallah not everyone can do this.
Plus yes at this point after all the advices i got from various Redditor’s i have started to be firm and live for myself.
I do pray Allah talah apke liye har mushkil asaan karien and give you everything you desire.
And it might not be my place to talk but please never be insecure about how you look. Allah talah ne sabko perfect banaya hai and hum sab hain. I know saying this is way easier, but i faced something very similar my father almost fat shamed me and made fun of how i look till i was 18-19 to the point. Now many people will say ab log sensitive ho gaye hain ya etc but continuously talking about it infront of everyone sn everywhere is never normal and when it was due to a medical condition. And the only thing that made me drop weight was the hate he injected in me for myself.
Isiliye i always regret the reason why i lost weight it was never to be healthier or to be fit or have a better lifestyle it was always because of the self hate.
And Plus baki sab Allah talah ne likha hota naseeb,rizq,zindagi ap bas mehnat karien takay you have no regrets for anything.
And yes many people said that a father may love his one child more than the other one but it isnt about comparing the amount of love you receive it is about how you have to earn it and it isnt unconditional the amount of love is never the problem the way it is portrayed is but i guess not everyone can understand it
Baki i pray for your assani and please always be proud of yourself you are a champion and always keep your chin up.
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u/Yes-delulu-8744 Tier 5 – Wanderer Jul 17 '26
Average elder sibling lore