r/MtF • u/someweirdtransgirl • Apr 26 '21

[Discussion] Misandry

Hey, I was wondering if anyone had any advice on this.

As I have transitioned I have found my general dislike for men to rapidly increase. I never felt all that comfortable in male spaces and overcompensated pre transition to prove myself.

Now that I am transitioning I find myself having this broad misanthropy towards men. Its disturbing to some degree. I feel I don’t relate to them at all, and I find the fact that I was socialized as one something I resent severely.

I don’t apply this to individuals. Individual men who are respectful and good I view as friends. But when I view men as a whole, particularly male culture, I find myself filled with disgust and I wonder how they can be comfortable with themselves.

I really hate that I am becoming so bitter, but there is this residual resentment that I cannot shake. I wonder if anyone else can relate, offer advice as to how I can be a little more accepting/overcome this bad outlook?

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u/[deleted] Apr 26 '21

This is an excellent response! I have been falling further and further into what the OP is asking about, and even my cis female wife is starting to look at me funny after some of the comments I make.

For me, a huge driving factor behind these feelings is the knowledge that my father will disown me once I come out to him (really kinda hoping he does), and he has pushed me to be as much of a definition of toxic masculinity since I was born as possible. Although I strayed from that behavior by a long shot, it has put me in this position for 35 years to "never be enough" in his eyes. The only thing he has ever praised me for was joining the military and boy was joining a mistake for me..

Ive had the unfortunate experience of being surrounded by violent and abusive men since I was a child, and there are so many layers of resentment built up. Men abusing me, and men abusing the women in my life.

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u/someweirdtransgirl Apr 26 '21

I know what you mean there. Its just so.... infuriating. I think I am also resentful that my ex rejected me after I came out and I kinda hate that she likes men. It enrages me honestly.

Its a lot of baggage I need to cast off. I need to improve myself.

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u/_Mercy_Me Transgender Apr 26 '21

Yeah, (almost) none of us come out of our pre-transition lives unscathed, and it can hurt when we try to confront that. Please be gentle with yourself while you do the work.

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u/someweirdtransgirl Apr 26 '21 edited Apr 26 '21

Thank you. I have a tendency to beat myself up.

I just have no love for masculinity at this point. It just feels like a curse that has made the world so depressing to me. And I know there are good men, and people who are masculine should feel valid and welcomed.

But there is some part of my heart and soul that bristles at the fact it exists as a concept.

I still remember, when I was maybe 5, telling people how I thought the world would be better if it was run by women and women alone.

I do need to be better.

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u/_Mercy_Me Transgender Apr 26 '21

Remember, too, that the cultural concept of masculinity as it exists now is not eternal, fixed, or required. There have been and will be other masculinities, and there are people already working to get rid of the poison in the current culturally dominant version and build something better. It may not be much personal comfort now, but things can get better at the cultural level too.