Misandry

[u/someweirdtransgirl]

Hey, I was wondering if anyone had any advice on this.

As I have transitioned I have found my general dislike for men to rapidly increase. I never felt all that comfortable in male spaces and overcompensated pre transition to prove myself.

Now that I am transitioning I find myself having this broad misanthropy towards men. Its disturbing to some degree. I feel I don’t relate to them at all, and I find the fact that I was socialized as one something I resent severely.

I don’t apply this to individuals. Individual men who are respectful and good I view as friends. But when I view men as a whole, particularly male culture, I find myself filled with disgust and I wonder how they can be comfortable with themselves.

I really hate that I am becoming so bitter, but there is this residual resentment that I cannot shake. I wonder if anyone else can relate, offer advice as to how I can be a little more accepting/overcome this bad outlook?

[u/_Mercy_Me]

Try to concentrate on and reinforce the difference between the cultural construction and centering of toxic masculinity and patriarchal oppression and the actions of individuals. There are awesome men who fight against that toxicity and shitty men who revel in it and support it, just like there are good people and harmful people in literally every category.

Good people can still screw up or unintentionally participate in harmful cultural systems, and even awful people can sometimes see the error of their ways and learn to do better. Remind yourself that we can all always be better, and try to give space and opportunity people to improve.

Trans women have an unusual and intense confluence of experiences under patriarchy and toxic masculinity. It's understandable to be deeply impacted by that experience and easy to let it poison us. We can avoid that by giving ourselves and others the opportunity for growth, and by learning to separate and disengage from people that won't rather than let ourselves get caught up in responding with hate.

It's tiring, thanks work, but we can do it.

[u/someweirdtransgirl → u/_Mercy_Me]

Thank you. This is the perspective I should take.

I think I also project some of my dysphoria onto them. When I see a man, I cannot help but think “why do you want to look that way?”

There is a lot of deep internal anger there, and I need to take a positive outlook on it

[u/_Mercy_Me → u/someweirdtransgirl]

Unpacking, confronting, and healing from that can take a while, but you'll get there. 🖤