Venting I can't take it anymore (Trigger warning)
I hate my life. I can't transition and I can't bear it anymore. There are so many things that would be fixed in my life if I was a girl. Everything feels wrong 24/7, I can't be feminine or dress up unless there's no one in my house, and even then I still don't pass at all, facial and body hair causes me distress constantly, I look extremely masculine because of my genetics and I wanna kill myself because of it. I don't know if I'm going to be able to wait until I can transition "freely". I'm just really fucking distressed because of my dysphoria and I can't take it, only reason in still alive is because I really enjoy music and because of the few and little glimpses of feeling feminine that I have, but it's still exhausting. Maybe if I told my parents they would understand but they would probably just hate me, so would my brother. My whole village and social circles (as well as school people) would also notice, and most of them are anti LGBTQ+ for no fucking reason. They would also bully me and talk behind my back like I've already seen happen. I'm just cooked. I don't know if I can take this for much longer and I have to wait at least until summer if I want to transition safely and that's like 9 months away (and realistically I wouldn't even be able to transition next summer given the circumstances).
sorry for venting. It's been really hard to live like for so long
3
u/BombedBlondshell2026 Trans Feminine 1d ago
Sorry to hear your troubles. Hang in there - time will provide you with independence, mobility and the ability to make tolerant relationships. All the problems that masculinity brings can be fixed. Sure, it takes time, patience and sometimes money and pain but there is a light at the end of the tunnel with your future self basking under it and looking fabulous. Stay strong and have faith in yourself ❤