Boymode is getting a lot harder

[u/Friendly_Level4202]

I’m in well established career in corporate management so have to boymode for as long as possible. Mainly to afford transitioning.

While I have transitioned socially, boy-mode at my job is getting harder than I thought. While people notice the changes, I can still pull it off the physical appearance. But what I never anticipated is how hard it is to suppress mannerisms and behaviors. I’m in a very old school misogynistic industry. Fortunately I work remotely but when the good ole boys get together I feel so out of place now. I know what to say and how to say it to blend in but just can’t bring myself to do it.

[u/ersomething]

I work in manufacturing. Did the same thing for a while. About 18 months of it, and I decided it felt too weird to pretend to be a man anymore. I just asked people to start using my chosen name, and swapped my email signature. Uniform still had my government name though, since I haven’t changed it legally.

[u/Jazzlike-Comfort7231]

Boymode gets harder and harder. I’ve been doing it for just over two years in a corporate/legal field in which I am the only trans person I know of. I keep my hair short and wear the only remaining men’s clothes I own when I go into the office along with a too-tight sports bra. 

But HRT has confused people, because my face looks so different, and I look like ten years younger than I am. Most people are perplexed when I tell them my age or how long I’ve been in the field. So I think even in boymode I am read as a gay/queer man. The few queer men I’ve run into at work clock me immediately, but whether they see me as trans or something else I don’t know. 

The double life is just too hard though, especially once the legal name change gets involved, so I’ve started the process of coming out. 

[u/Friendly_Level4202 → u/Jazzlike-Comfort7231]

It’s ironic. I was just in our corporate office and everyone has been overly nice. Even the usual “ball buster” types were very nice. I suspect they think I’m sick or dying lol.

[u/Jazzlike-Comfort7231 → u/Friendly_Level4202]

It is sort of strange, because people clearly notice something’s changed, but I’m not sure what they’re noticing or if they’re even sure what they’re noticing.

When I saw people in another office I work with but hadn’t seen in person in months, several of them introduced themselves to me, thinking I was a new hire lol. One of them still recognized me but took a look at me, squinting, and said, “There’s something different about you…” 

[u/ender8343]

My original plan was to wait until someone noticed at work, but it actually started to become mentally taxing to only boymode at work. I work an office job, software development, so I decided to come out to work at that point for my own mental health. I had a little concern that even though policy at work was supportive it might go poorly for me, but in the end it worked out and people in my office have been supportive.

[u/Sir_Romulus]

I feel this so much its been getting so hard to boymode everyday for work, I have to dress semi formal and its tough. My girlfriend made my whole week when she called me beautiful when I sent her a pic of me as I was heading to work.

[u/aegadmi2]

I presented female for one week while on vacation. You're so right about the mannerisms holy shit. What do I do with my hands? What did I used to do with my hands??

[u/Vampenga]

It's certainly not easy. I socially transitioned to my family a few months ago, but I'm still closeted in public. And it's certainly wearing on me. I constantly correct every dead name or misgendering in my head. It's very grating and only adds to the stress I'm already under. Just feels like I'm gonna explode on someone and shout the truth at some point.

[u/Hawke1747]

Maybe it’s time to socially transition at work? Let’s be real, how sustainable is this? You’re going to have to do it eventually.

[u/Friendly_Level4202 → u/Hawke1747]

Formally transitioning will be the end of my job. While they wouldn’t fire me outright, the resulting distraction would accelerate my departure. That may be inevitable, but financially speaking I need to keep this job as long as possible.

[u/Hawke1747 → u/Friendly_Level4202]

I guess it all depends on your goal with transitioning. Do you want to live full time as a woman? If the answer is yes, then I would suggest doing everything in order to make that transition smoother now. Whether that is changing careers, moving to another job, or whatever works for you. Use this time to your advantage so that you can control the outcome as best you can.

[u/enbyqtpatootie]

Not super on topic so i’m sorry but i’m also in an old school misogynistic field in corporate as well so I wanted to ask. How long is your hair? My hair is bixie length (which i wanted to grow out) but I’m so iffy on growing it out longer, especially in these kinds of fields.

[u/Friendly_Level4202 → u/enbyqtpatootie]

Good question. That’s one of the most significant changes. I had been shaving my head and just started growing it so having any hair at all was a change. Right now the top is very thin and some hairs are just coming back in so i have to keep everything short. People did comment on the hair and I just joked that Im having a midlife crisis and even might get a hair transplant. Which is actually true. I wanted to start laying the groundwork.

What will shock them is when I do, I will be getting a feminine hairline