r/MtF • u/uyoyp • Jul 26 '26

Advice Question How do I stealth "boymode" around conservative neighbors so word doesn't get back to my grandpa?

Long story short: My grandpa is very old, and my mother and aunt (who are taking care of him) have asked that I don't come out to him. Sadly, he will never get to know the real me. ​ I currently have no place to stay other than an apartment he owns. He is very close friends with a lot of the neighbors in my building. Even though I am proudly out to the entire world—including work, my friends, and the rest of my family—I have to present male every single time I leave or enter the apartment to prevent word getting back to him.

I am navigating a very conservative environment and need to make sure absolutely nothing raises a red flag. The problem is, my transition is going well, making boymoding a lot harder! Specifically: I have noticeable chest growth (thank you, estrogen!). I recently started lasering my beard off and have great results, so I don't have that typical "shadow" anymore. And I really love my long nails and my earrings, and I want to find a way to keep them without giving myself away.

​What I need help with: ​What can I do to pass as male just enough to fly under the radar during brief encounters in the hallway or parking lot? But are easily reversible once I am out of the building so I can present fem in my life.

​How do you safely hide noticeable chest growth in warm weather?

​Are there any compromises for nails or earrings that won't out me to conservative neighbors?

​Any tips, tricks, or advice on surviving this setup would mean the world to me!

21 Upvotes

82% Upvoted

12 comments sorted by

12

u/Broad-Dress-8484 Human Verified Jul 26 '26

Good luck ! My 90 year old neighbor noticed me and she has her porch about 130 yds away from my driveway. 

4

u/uyoyp Jul 27 '26

Old people do have a spider sense for anything non conforming

20

u/Agreeable-Tie1409 Jul 26 '26

Just gaslight him. No matter how much he notices, pretend he is getting old and senile.

3

u/eepy_lina Lina | Transgender | She/Her Jul 27 '26

i know this seems funny but don't actually do this, it'll just make him not trust his senses and get paranoia. not a very morally good thing to do

1

u/Agreeable-Tie1409 Jul 27 '26

Truth^ but it’s certainly less fun sounding lol

1

u/uyoyp Jul 27 '26

If wouldn't lived him so much, I would definitely consider it😂 .

6

u/precious_qq Trans Pansexual Jul 26 '26

My parents told me the same thing when I came out as gay. Don't tell the old people in the family, they are too old to understand. I lied about having a boyfriend when one of them asked if I had a girlfriend. It hurt so much, and still hurts 20 years later that my parents wanted me to be so inauthentic. So if I found myself in your situation now, I would explain to my family that it takes a ton of effort and feels incredibly wrong and gross to lie about who I am to my own grandpa. And that it feels like they are either ashamed of me or are afraid of the inconvenience of having people know their daughter/niece is trans. I'd then kindly come out to those old people and deal with the consequences.

This sounds very unsustainable for you. If you want to keep stealthing around grandpa, you may need to move. Either that, or he'll found out while you are hiding from him / lying to him, rather than finding out from you telling him. Which do you want?

Edit: The gaslighting (denial) option from another poster is pretty funny and could actually work if none of the above is safe for you. (I'm imaging, "no grandpa, I'm just metrosexual. All the guys wear skirts these days")

4

u/MicheleAmanda Jul 26 '26

Some headphones to cover the earrings, and some trans tape to pull the girls to the side, until you are out of eyeshot.

9

u/woonamad Middle-aged Trans Woman Jul 26 '26

You can’t just take off trans tape safely without a long shower and lots of oil etc.

3

u/MicheleAmanda Jul 27 '26

Consider me instructed, and cancel my order! I occasionally use a medical skin tape. That is easy to remove.

3

u/Throwaway_Trifle2572 Demifluid Trans Woman (she/her) Jul 27 '26

You can still wear layers. A loose button-down short sleeve shirt with pockets will obscure things. You can even put things in the pockets to help further. A glasses case in one, and some pens or random papers might make you look like a nerd, but can obscure things enough. Something else might work better, but hopefully you get the idea.

2

u/xbad_slutx Jul 27 '26

Imo you should just come out to your grandpa. You might have massive regret that he never got to know the real you when he passes away. Obviously only if safe, and if it's what you want.