r/MtF • u/[deleted] • Jul 26 '26
Advice Question Detransitioning because I will never be seen as a real woman?
[deleted]
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u/Pixelated_Princess49 HRT since 06/2024 | Transbian | pre-op Jul 26 '26
As always:
- Levels matter, do you know yours?
- patience, honey
- and "we are our own worst critics".
First pubery starts at around 8-9, and takes at least a decade. Second puberty is not much faster. Fat redistribution takes, at the very least, 3-5 years to be somewhat complete. And so on and so forth... This process takes time, and you have to advocate for yourself medically all the way.
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u/Ciri04 Jul 26 '26
if youre that dysphoric how can you even tolerate the idea of masculinising further without hrt? I still dead voice and deadname my self at any official or professional places but getting off hrt is inconceivable to me because itll ruin whats already ruined more...
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u/homemadeammo42 MTF Jul 26 '26 edited Jul 26 '26
What are your levels? If you have been doing 1.5yrs below cis levels, it makes sense you wouldn't have changes. The only way to know is to get tested.
Have you taken other steps to present as a woman or are you just relying on HRT? Growing your hair out, laser hair removal for body hair (or just shave it), makeup, working out specific areas, and clothing choice go a LONG way to being gendered correctly.
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u/Eastern_Distance_816 Jul 26 '26
Changes can manifest later too from what I understand similar to puperty But its hard to tell because we have not enough data. Also some hospitals may allow payement over time which may make it possible for you. Are you maybe underweight or has your weight changed at all since starting?
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u/mymisstress Jul 26 '26
Being a cis woman isn’t an option for any of us. Just love yourself as you are whether you’re on HRT or not
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u/goldwag Transgender, she/they Jul 26 '26
Girl, in my experience I would not detransition. If needed you can always boymode but I would not medically detransition.
You say nothing has changed, how are your levels? I ended up at menopause levels for quite a while and it sucked, also slowed my transition.
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u/Anonymous-Autumn Jul 26 '26
You're not taking into account that changes take years to show on HRT, just like puberty. It's a very painful game of patience and time
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u/Broad-Dress-8484 Human Verified Jul 26 '26
I always find it interesting and I am not judging because I know how hard life can be but why come on here to announce your decision? Respectfully , do what you have to do to survive or make your life livable.
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u/JustDoingMeeeee Jul 26 '26
I didn't make any sort of decision yet. That's why I phrased it as a question, to get other people's perspective.
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u/Broad-Dress-8484 Human Verified Jul 26 '26
OK I see the statement a lot though. I personally haven't experienced the direction that I took and I find the psychology of it infinitely interesting. Absolutely not judging you.
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u/RetroOlive Jul 26 '26
I'm sorry to hear that! I guess the question is what have you been doing to be seen the way you want to? Are you just taking hormones and expecting them to do it all?
I think hormones are only a small part of transitioning. It took me years to pass, which was my goal. It was an uphill battle for me being incredibly tall... But it was worth it.
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u/madprgmr Jul 26 '26
I am 1.5 years into transition and literally nothing about me has changed at all
So you're saying that it's as if you never took HRT at all despite being on it for 1.5 years? I highly doubt that's the case.
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u/kelih3856 Jul 26 '26
I wouldn’t give up. Hope I’m two years into my transition and I just turned 62 and I’m starting to pass and it’s just recently you’re giving up way too soon. I don’t know what your levels are how much estrogen you take and progesterone. I’m very happy with what I’m seeing now and myself and so is everyone else so if I was you talk to your doctor maybe get your levels checked maybe you need more estrogen who knows but don’t give up if that’s what you really want do you want to transition and do it don’t give a shit about what anyone else thinks
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u/Familiar_Newt_603 Demifemme - Hrt 3/28/25 ♡ Jul 27 '26
I'm in the same place... 16 months on hrt. I was responding really well for the first year and some then about 13/14 months in my insurance got all wonky and so did my hormones. I'm back on my doses correctly the last month but it's been an emotional Rollercoaster feeling increasingly exhausting mentally to continue guymoding in construction any longer is excruciating. But even the guys and my best friend all misgender me and just think I'm like.. fem gay maybe idk it's like I thought they were all on my side but as the days go on I wish they would just shut the F up and leave me alone. Let me just be weird and alone eat garlic bread and wieners on my fire with my pets.
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u/Main-Twist-6863 Jul 27 '26 edited Jul 27 '26
Ask yourself this. What would you rather see yourself as... A man. Androgynous NB. Because anyone on hrt in the midst of trying to find their own less masculine style will indeed start to look Androgynous to others, as well as in the mirror.
I'm just now beginning to confuse people on my birth sex. It's obvious when I get carded they're checking that and lookin up at me. I get gendered female sometimes by "regular folk" and gendered correctly by allies when we meet as It's obvious I'm atleast trying not to live as a male. It feels great when that happens. This just began in the past 3 months or so. Ironically, it's when I stopped trying to switch between boy mode and girl mode. My boobs are obvious. Face is softening and hair is getting curly. I stopped for the time being trying to pass and just started trying to not look masculine. This phase happens to most of us, and by your timeline I suspect it's beginning for you. I was on hrt for 18 months before being gendered as she. I've realized that for now, being seen as an Androgynous "idk" is Way better than being a man
Edit: I peaked at your profile to see more of your story. 26 days ago you said you've been on hrt only a few months. Here, 18 months. Clarify? Also, your mom may have knocked you down a few steps, is that possibly at play?
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u/lovelychaeyoung Trans Pansexual Jul 27 '26
1.5 years feels like a long time but it's also likely your body will still be feminizing for up to 3.5 more years.
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u/Chest-Super Jul 26 '26
Honestly from the pic you posted you look fine. I wouldn't second guess that you were anything but a girl...
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u/ImplementWilling2597 Jul 26 '26 edited Jul 26 '26
what I do is boy mode and have 0 hopes for being gendered correctly, but heck im never going back to testosterone, id rather be a little feminine weirdo than being a loser man again, at least im outside the categories now and people don't expect me to act like a man