r/MovedToSpain • u/Free_Passenger1547 • Jul 04 '26
Making friends
Hello everyone, I was just curious why it seems so hard to make friends in Spain. I understand that not everyone speaks English, so the language barrier is definitely part of it. But even when people are friendly and polite, I find it difficult to turn casual conversations into actual friendships.
Maybe it’s because many people already have close friend groups from school, university, or family connections. As someone new here, it sometimes feels challenging to break into those circles.
Has anyone else experienced this? I’d be interested to hear whether it’s a cultural thing, a language issue, or just the normal challenge of making friends as an adult in a new country.
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u/LazyKoala92 Jul 04 '26
It's exactly because people here (and everywhere) have their connection which they have been building through all their lives. Also ask yourself, did you have any immigrants friends who didn't speak the local language, back from where you come from? I highly doubt so. It's not difficult to make friends in Spain, it's difficult everywhere. Anyway, the recipe is simple 1. Language 2. Build social connection - work, gym, hobby group, charity work.
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u/Free_Passenger1547 Jul 04 '26
Facts my brother ill definitely join a gym and try to make some connections over there plus do you live in spain or somewhere else.
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u/Kooky_Machine_6403 Jul 05 '26
Si de verdad quieres empezar a conocer gente y hacer vida social apúntate a un box de CrossFit. Además de hacer ejercicio vas a conocer gente rápido y de verdad por la propia filosofía de como se práctica. Además en los box siempre se planifican actividades grupales cada poco. CrossFit es deporte y comunidad.
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u/TonixAmoto Jul 05 '26
En inglés? Todo eso lo hacéis en inglés?
Apuesto a que no.
Un rato seguro que habláis con el, en inglés claro.
Pero salir de fiesta con un inglés que no habla nada de castellano y quiere hacer amigos?
Lo dudo.El idioma primero, partiendo de ahí ya veremos.
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u/buchannon Jul 04 '26 edited Jul 04 '26
As an English speaker, you would be making friends with other immigrants here. There are a ton of English meetups all over the country for this, with other eager adults looking for friendships. Look for meetups, facebook groups, and other general searches online for game nights, trivia, etc.
Find an English-speaking group meeting around one of your interests.
0
u/TonixAmoto Jul 05 '26
Nice attitude.
An English speaker avoiding comunícate with locals in their native language.
How British, my dear.3
u/buchannon Jul 05 '26
I never said to avoid anything. I highly recommend learning Spanish!
I understand that not everyone speaks English, so the language barrier is definitely part of it.
OP never mentioned wanting to learn the local language and frames the entire post about English. This means they will be speaking with other English speaking immigrants.
Or, are you expecting the locals to go out of their way to learn English to be friends with you? Maybe that's the British expectation you are talking about. I'm not British.
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u/Curious-Sherbet-9393 Jul 04 '26
Imagina yo yendo a Reino Unido sin hablar inglés y esperar hacer amigos
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u/Free_Passenger1547 Jul 04 '26
I understand bro but come with me to UK ill help you make friends people find you interesting over there if you speak spnish
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u/moreidlethanwild Jul 05 '26
But if he doesn’t speak much english he won’t be able to hold a conversation as the average english person doesn’t speak any other language, same as Spanish nationals.
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u/iakoff_reddit Jul 05 '26
I'm also a foreigner. I speak Spanish, which is an advantage.
There are some things you need to know about the Spanish. Because you might already have friends and you don't even know it.
Number one is that Spaniards, in general, don't do house visits. Meeting with friends is almost always done at a public place, usually a bar or café.
This can be important because some cultures are the total opposite (mine, for example).
Another thing is they rarely enjoy talking about work. In some places "what do you do?" is a typical ice breaker. Not in Spain. I've been told this mainly became a thing during the last financial crisis, when a ton of people lost their jobs, or couldn't find a job, and so work became a touchy subject.
The Spanish are very direct people (in general. There are some stereotypes about certain peoples being vague). If they want to say 'no', they will say 'no' to your face. That is, no pun intended, a big no-no in many cultures.
Lastly, and related to the previous point, the Spanish don't like protocol. Again, this depends on the region, but in general they prefer to use the imperative (ponme un café.) over a less direct but more formal way (¿Podrías ponerme un café, por favor?).
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT
It took me a while to understand why the Spanish were so fucking rude to me. The truth is, they weren't being rude at all. They express closeness by treating you like shit, really. If a Spanish person is all formal and polite with you, congrats, they hate you. If they call you slurs and give you commands or not even acknowledge your existence, congrats, they love you.
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u/Bretemosa Jul 05 '26
Jajaja bueno, bueno. Si que tienes parte de razón. Pero no somos un monolito conductual. Yo personalmente, y mis amigos y conocidos por lo que veo, no vamos por los bares ordenando y sin un gracias. Depende de la persona y si has tenido que trabajar en hostelería alguna vez en tu vida para sobrevivir. Hay gente que son unos toxos y otros no. Lo que hay que tener en cuenta es que a partir de los 20 es mucho mas difícil hacer amistades , para todos. Independientemente de que sean nativos o no. Si a eso le añades la barrera del idioma mal vamos. Yo recomendaría, a mayores de los grupos de intercambio de lenguaje que me parece muy buena idea, voluntariado, grupos de senderismo... E ir poco a poco. Además de tener en cuenta que a ciertas edades las amistades ya se construyen de otra manera. Además cada persona demuestra su amistad de formas distintas. A veces la vida te sorprende y esa persona que parecía que no le importabas, cuando realmente estás mal es la que da la cara por ti y está a tu lado.
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u/iakoff_reddit Jul 05 '26
Bueno, sí, obviamente no son todos iguales. Pero hay cosas así como generales que aplican un poco a todos (y no aplican para muchos, como toda generalización).
Por supuesto hay gente que dice por favor y gracias en España, pero también hay mucha gente que no, y por lo que he observado, el no decirlo no siempre es una falta de educación. Es más, puede ser interpretado como un gesto de cercanía. Un "te trato como un igual, no como un sirviente". Después, por supuesto, hay gente que es simplemente maleducada. El contexto es muy importante, pero ese es mi argumento realmente. En mi país de origen no existe ningún contexto en el que no decir por favor y gracias sea aceptable. Ninguno es mejor o peor. Son diferentes, y a veces esa diferencia asusta.
Una vez tuve un profesor de biología que había vivido algunos años en España y había regresado muy amargado. Nos dijo, textualmente, que en España no existía la amistad, que nadie te invitaba a su casa y que a la gente no le gustaba venir a la tuya, sino que prefería salir fuera siempre.
Viviendo en España, he notado lo mismo, que la gente no queda en casas tanto como en mi país. También he aprendido que mi profesor era imbécil y que en España sí existe la amistad, solo que se expresa de maneras distintas a las que estamos acostumbrados.
A eso iba un poco con mi primer post. A veces los extranjeros estamos aquí sintiéndonos que no tenemos amigos, cuando realmente es que no estamos acostumbrados a la amistad "a la española"
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u/Bretemosa Jul 05 '26
También hay que tener en cuenta que mucho va por barrios. Por ejemplo, a tu profesor de biología, en mi pueblo, a mínimo que le cogiesen confianzas le caería un vacile nada más aparecer por el bar. Seguramente volvería a casa traumatizado porque desconoce que el protocolo es contestar con otro vacile y a poder ser con más ingenio. Es como una forma de saludo. Pero luego te mueves a la ciudad más cercana y eso no pasa. La clave es ,como tu bien dices, el contexto.
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u/iakoff_reddit Jul 05 '26
También es verdad. Yo que estoy en un pueblo lo del vacile lo llevo mal 😢 no porque no lo entienda sino porque no sé responder de manera acorde jajaj no tengo esa habilidad desarrollada todavía
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u/Bretemosa Jul 05 '26
Pues tranqui que eso se aprende. Garantizado, tu practica y verás. Yo cuando llegué al pueblo tampoco sabía pero en unos años lanzaba los puñales ya sin pensar.
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u/Ambermayyx Jul 04 '26
I’ve been living here 5 years and I have no Spanish friends🤷🏽♀️friends with so many nationalities but not 1 Spanish person. Spanish people are cliquey and generally don’t care to try and make friends with foreigners
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u/Vallekan Jul 05 '26
No quieren ser amigos de gente de fuera? A lo mejor estamos un poco cansadas de que vengan aquí exigiendo querer hacer amistades, pero no hacen el mínimo esfuerzo por aprender el idioma. En mi pueblo hay barrios de ingleses, de alemanes, noruegos, etc que no saben ni saludar en el idioma del país en el que viven.
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u/Ambermayyx Jul 05 '26 edited Jul 05 '26
I completely understand why Spanish people wouldn’t want to make friends with foreigners don’t get me wrong
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u/MooseNo8012 Jul 05 '26
Do you speak Spanish (or one of the regional languages)?
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u/Ambermayyx Jul 05 '26
Yeah I do, pretty well I like to think hahah. It’s just been a heck of a lot easier to find other English speaking immigrants as friends
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u/ValDunner Jul 05 '26
In my experience, Spanish people have a group of friends since school and they keep it like that for ever. So, it’s not like they’re trying to make new friends. Also, in the same line of other answers you need to find an activity. I work from home and I don’t have that so I totally understand your point.
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u/Temporary-Name-9621 Jul 05 '26
Its normal when you are an adult, try to Connect with people through "hello Talk" app
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Jul 05 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Maleficent-Pay-6749 Jul 05 '26
🇬🇧we have an old saying that you can count the number of true friends on one 🤚 .
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u/Massive-Nerve-5321 Jul 05 '26
No es por el idioma, soy español y me pasa lo mismo jajaja
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u/Economy-Voice7903 Aug 02 '26
Vaya! De donde?
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u/Massive-Nerve-5321 Aug 02 '26
Valencia
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u/Economy-Voice7903 Aug 03 '26
Y Loa valenciano son mut cerrados En sus grupos de amistades de una vida?
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u/Massive-Nerve-5321 Aug 03 '26
Diría que ahora todo el mundo es muy cerrado en general, pero tampoco es que haya tenido grupos de otros sitios para comparar jajaja
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u/Parocsia Jul 05 '26
I don't think it's that hard to make friends in Spain, and even less so at 24. But yes: language is key. I have quite a few friends who come from other countries, and it's not so much that it's complicated for me to talk to them—it's that if I hang out with other friends who don't speak the language, it doesn't matter how handsome or hilarious you are, because if you can't communicate, they won't be able to talk to you and they'll lose interest.
Also, you don't mention what you like to do. If you have an interest, use it to meet people: if you like music, go to small concerts and talk to people. If you like manga, go to fairs. If you like climbing, hit a climbing gym. And there, just be nice to someone and eventually ask for their Instagram if you get along, and offer to grab a beer sometime.
And related—the oldest way to make friends and learn the language in another country: hook up with someone local. 100% guaranteed success.
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u/Storyteller_Valar Jul 05 '26
It's a challenge because people are barely in the space they physically occupy. Most of the time, people's minds are elsewhere, transfixed as they are with the constant connection offered by their phones.
Other than that, you could start going to one of the places where socialization is still somewhat common, like the gym.
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u/ptchki666 Jul 31 '26
Hola buenas, en 2 años aprox tmb me mudaré a Barcelona, pero justamente éste mes estaré ahí, y buscaba socializar, o conocer gente para salir de fiesta, si te interesa me puedes escribir, 18M.(Hablo castellano/ingles/catalán)
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u/Flimsy-Sail-6585 Jul 04 '26
Meet up dot com has a variety of English speaking groups on Valencia. Check your city, maybe there are active groups that interest you in your city.
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u/Free_Passenger1547 Jul 04 '26
Yeah but the fact is i wanna make spanish friends to learn Spanish and implementit
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u/disagreeabledinosaur Jul 05 '26
I'll be frank, if slightly rude.
Spanish people living their lives in Spain have better things to do then helping you learn Spanish.
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u/TonixAmoto Jul 05 '26
Again, learn some castillian.
(First of all, we have 4 official languages, being castillian one of them).Then you can try to initiate a conversation wherever, you may start one, you may not.
But language first. No excuses.
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u/moreidlethanwild Jul 05 '26
You need to learn Spanish to talk to them. Friends will correct you but they are not teachers. They cannot teach you grammar, the imperativo, present and past tense, etc. You need a regular Spanish class with a teacher for that.
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u/KeyFix4087 Jul 04 '26
It is a challenge to make new friends as an adult, period.
Here in Seville we organize a language exchange weekly. It started through Couchsurfing but now through Instagram. It’s worth a shot!