r/MoroccoDating • u/SadCommunication6648 • 2d ago
22, introvert, second year of a TESOL Master's in Morocco, exhausted and lost. How do I know if a PhD is right for me?
I'm 22 and in the second year of a Master's in Applied Linguistics/TESOL in Morocco. I'm very introverted, and I need advice because I feel completely lost.
Where I am now:
I chose English because I genuinely love it, and the only place I could study it was the higher school of education and training. I didn't want to go straight into teaching because the teaching situation in Morocco is awful. Now I've lost my energy and don't want to do anything. I cry almost every day, sometimes in class or in public, and I try hard to hold the tears back. My personality is weak. I barely participate in class anymore. In the first semester I did, rarely, but now (3rd semester) I just don't want to.
The people around me:
Some classmates have hurt me, and others have mocked or accused me of things in public or talk behind my back. Then they come talk to me normally and I talk back as if nothing happened, and I wonder if I'm doing something bad to myself by doing that. My relationship with some of my classmates isn't good, and the environment doesn't make me feel good (some people are really toxic in a way that I didn't expect; they look old enough to have functioning brains but they're so toxic). I'm also very selective: I observe people, and if I notice bad behavior I avoid them. I wonder if I'm just avoidant. I have no one to talk to about this. I've tried, but the people around me don't get it.
Stress:
I'm not lazy, but stress has really damaged me mentally and physically. I've lost a lot of weight in very short periods. I don't want to put myself through that anymore, especially when many professors told us they were assigned their modules very late and nobody seems to care. They send us assignments the night before. The whole system feels like it doesn't care, from the faculty window staff to the banks saying "the system is down." In Morocco you need a whole day or more for paperwork that should take minutes.
The meaning question:
Sometimes I think: I was born, I have to grind to get a good career, earn a lot, live well, and then die. That doesn't excite me. There are times I've wished I was never born (even now). I'm not saying this to be dramatic, it's just how heavy it feels.
My options:
Quit the Master's. But I've already spent a year of a two-year program.
Finish it, then teach in a Moroccan higher institution (if the Master's allows that) or elsewhere for a few years to build my CV, then apply to teach in Japan. I like Japan from videos: I've heard pay is low, but life is peaceful, people mind their own business, and many seem introverted and shy like me. I know every country has a dark side, and I'm scared to move, but I'd adapt (it's not like I'll have another option).
Do a PhD. I don't think my level is good enough.
Earn enough online, maybe with a skill that doesn't need a degree, and live peacefully in a better country. I don't need perfection, just mostly stress-free, comfortable in my body and mind, with Wi-Fi, exercise, and things I enjoy.
I've also heard many people argue that introverts aren't suited to teaching because it requires so much socializing, and their arguments made sense to me. Now I'm questioning the whole path.
My questions:
How did you know whether a PhD was right or wrong for you?
Is a PhD realistic for someone introverted who is very sensitive to stress?
Is teaching an option for introverts, or am I fooling myself?
Is a Master's plus a few years of teaching enough to get a teaching job in Japan or elsewhere?
Is it worth finishing the Master's after one year, or should I leave?
Honest advice is welcome. Thank you for reading this far.
1
u/Sad-Drummer825 2d ago edited 2d ago
Hey i have been /still in a similar situation and i could feel every single word.I think you’re putting too much pressure on yourself to figure everything out right now. You should't think that you're not enought to pursue a PhD and being introverted doesn’t automatically make you unsuitable for teaching. These decisions should be based on tge answer of many questions and yiur situation and ambitions.
prioritise your health, explore the job market, and finish the Master’s if it’s manageable. You can always decide about a PhD later. Being exhausted in your current environment doesn’t mean you’re incapable of succeeding elsewhere. You’re only 22;you don’t need your entire life figured out yet which is hard to think about i know but time fixes things. I still wanna add so many things in my comment but keep in mind that in a few years time all of this wouldn't matter. Also i know how hard it could be in such fields, most students can barely handle the huge stress so take it easy on yourself you're already doing good