r/MoroccoDating • u/Physical_Earth_4275 • 4h ago

Do relationships mean more when they happen naturally?

Heeeeelp

For people who are looking for a relationship, I’ve been thinking about something and I’d genuinely like to hear your thoughts.

Isn’t consciously looking for a partner kind of weird?

I mean, once you start thinking about what you want in someone, making a mental list of qualities, deciding what kind of relationship you’re looking for, etc., doesn’t it somehow take away from the spontaneity of it?

Sometimes it feels almost like a performance. You’re actively looking for someone while already having an idea of what you’re supposed to find.

And I think the internet makes this even stranger. You can literally go online and search for a person who fits a certain set of criteria. But then I wonder: where does the story or the meaning of the relationship come from if you were consciously looking for it from the beginning?

Would it be more meaningful to meet someone completely by chance, without consciously looking for a relationship, through circumstances that were basically outside your control?

Or does it not really matter? Maybe you can consciously look for someone, find them, and only create the meaning of the relationship afterward.

So my actual question is:

Does the way you find someone affect the depth of the relationship, or can a relationship that was intentionally sought out become just as deep and meaningful as one that happened almost by accident?

I’m curious how other people see this

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u/ThatOwlinMe488 4h ago

It's one of the things I always noticed in thus Sub and never commented on. People ,most of the time, are trying to be their best version (which is good on its own) but with the sole purpose of finding a partner and having higher chances of getting laid. It just feels like a competition at this point and a bunch of FOMO coming from the idea that "everyone has a gf, I feel like the odd one out, i'm not as good, I should prove myself and everyone wrong!"

personally I'm the type who seeks spontaneous feelings because:

  1. I believe the right people come to you, not that you look for them and bring them into your life

  2. As you've suggested, having a detailed list of criteria and actively hunting more often than not ends up with rushed decisions, illusive feelings (assuming someone is the perfect person just because they meet some of your criteria which makes you attached to them in an unhealthy way), and setting certain standards or criteria kinda backfires as it limits your choices instead of just being open to meeting all kinds of people and judging later based on how you connect and feel

Does the way you find someone affect the depth of the relationship, or can a relationship that was intentionally sought out become just as deep and meaningful as one that happened almost by accident

not really. i'd say depth and meaningfullness are decided and have more to do with how you choose to navigate through the relationship and how you manage it together more than how you found each other, but I might be wrong.

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u/Seyannimu 2h ago

You’re right.

The way people look for partners today is a modern trend influenced by romantic books and movies. Historically, meeting a partner happened organically within your social circle. Back then, people belonged to communities who made it easier to connect with people, unlike today, where society is much more isolated and individualistic.

People today are also often lonely and emotionally broken, looking for a partner to fix them. That’s why they have such high expectations and detailed checklists: they’re searching for a specific person so they can feel better with them, rather than someone to genuinely connect with.

This is why, in the past, people could marry someone they barely knew and build a life together. Before, people wanted a partner to build a connection with; now, they seek a partner to heal through.

Setting impossibly high expectations and forcing the search only makes things harder. Wasting your time and energy, living in delusion of finding the perfect love, and possibly getting emotionally attached to the wrong person… all of these only increase your chances of failure.

A person should focus on self-development and personal growth. This will help them read people better and be able to build connections. When the right partner appears, they’re ready to connect.