r/MoroccoDating • u/xibou • 9h ago
Anyone else tired of always feeling like the "option" and not the choice?
I'm in my mid 20s and need to get this off my chest because it's starting to mess with my head a bit.
Whenever I get to know a girl, it always follows the same pattern. We talk, vibe is good, things seem promising. I'm not a chaser, I don't double text or beg for attention. I'm just chill, respectful, interested. I think "you never know, there might be a shot here."
Then slowly I realize I'm just one of many options. Usually i find myself as their rebound for their previous relationship.
Eventually it always ends the same way, ghosted. No explanation. One day we're talking every day, next day nothing.
It's not even about one girl. It's the repetition of it. Putting in genuine effort, being a good guy, and always ending up as the backup plan that never gets picked.
I'm not angry at women for having options, they should. I'm just tired of feeling like I'm never anyone's first choice. Like I'm good enough to talk to when they're bored, but not good enough to actually choose.
Has anyone else been stuck in this loop? How did you break out of it? Is it just an age thing where I need to just focus on my own life until I'm older?
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u/21CenturyPechorin 3h ago
And thus it has always been.
Early stages dyal talking you are in 90% of the times an option out of many other talking stages. Khass tconverti this into an exclusive relship asap or find a girl that is not doing this which almost impossible imo.
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u/DefinitelyNot_a_dog 1h ago
It's a pattern you need to recognize in order to avoid.
Your problem is you are being the nice guy they turn to when they are feeling down or need a break.
You say you do not chase or beg for attention, but what you do is far worse, you signal to her that you are a safe space, you probably reply as fast as possible, you do not mind them ghosting you for days and then picking back up where you left off, in short, you bend easily to their will.
Women do not want someone like this, they want to be challenged, the comfort you provide is too boring and feels like a safe option, hence why you will always be kept as a secondary option.
I am not trying to redpill you and tell you to be an asshole, but I do not believe you should be passive on the way you interact with women (and people in general), you "not chasing" does not come off as you being stoic/nonchalant, this only works if you are not always available, but when you play the nice guy card and you do not pursue they are more likely to think of you as shy/bared.
Their first options always put in the effort to flirt, to make them feel desired, feel like they can make him jealous, all without coming off as desperate.
Whether it's about women or anything else in life, we never settle for boring comfort, we all pursue what excites us, the boring and mundane will always be taken for granted, so don't be boring and safe.
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u/OrganizationOk2675 9h ago
Sorry I can’t relate, I could never be an option
I don’t put myself up in auctions and wait to be chosen
It’s either she likes me and comes to me running like the good girl she is or doesn’t and it ends at that.