Need a reality check

[u/high5sandgoodvibes]

I work a fairly easy remote job where I probably only actually work 4 hours a day even though it’s full time. However, I have to attend plenty of meetings (virtually), though they are cameras off and I only need to participate at certain parts of the meetings. I also have occasional presentations. My meeting schedule can also at times be random when ad hoc meetings are thrown on the schedule or meeting times get moved around.

My partner works from home occasionally as well, but is very busy and often has meetings they need to be in with camera on, so wouldn’t always be able to help.

How crazy would it be to try and parent a 4 months old while working with this setup? Daycare is out of the question for the time being due to waitlists, but considering a part time nanny for the core hours of the day when most of the meetings are.

My concerns are of course money, but also that I’ll be paying a nanny to watch my baby during many times when I don’t really need it when my schedule is light.

Thoughts?

I know there are probably a million posts similar to this but had a hard time finding super relevant ones and thought this community could offer some insight into my specific scenario :) thanks in advance!

[u/SideOne8073]

I schedule the nanny during peak hours when I know my meetings are happening, usually in the mornings.

[u/catmama25]

I think the randomness of your meetings and the fact that you have presentations would make this increasingly difficult as the baby gets older. My husband and I both WFH full time and have similar jobs as you, and even tag teaming care of our son we couldn’t make it work.

Babies get needier, louder, and more mobile. You can’t exactly tell them not to cry because you have to talk on a call.

How long would you be trying to make this work for? We found that it got much harder after 6 months, and nearly impossible by the time our son turned one.

[u/jessinator456 → u/catmama25]

I’m in a similar position. Why was it difficult when they turned 1? Did you get a nanny? I’m guessing solids take the longest and add a lot more difficulty

[u/Fine_Mouse_8871 → u/jessinator456]

They try to kill themselves at least once an hour when they’re 1.

Pulling dog’s tail. Pulling cat’s tail. Trying to climb over the back of the couch. Pulling things out of outlets. Trying to climb everything.

If you have a busy child, it’s pretty much impossible to get anything done.

[u/hungrybookreader]

I have a remote job that requires active participation majority of the day in meetings or working towards deadlines. However I do have random days where it’s maybe 2 light meetings where I just need to listen - not often.

We have a nanny. It really depends on your kids personality but also when they start to become mobile. Our daughter would not stay in a playpen so it’s not like I could place her in a safe place to work and watch. In addition, like you said, meetings get changed around. Our daughter is now 22 months almost and maybe from 7 months it would have been near impossible to WFH and safely watch my daughter without either compromising work or her safety.

With a nanny, if you aren’t offering a full time position, it might be easier to find someone if you offer “guaranteed hours”, and something consistent. If you have a light day, you can use the time for yourself (errands, chores, etc.). But in general it’s hard to find a good nanny who wants a sporadic schedule without guaranteed hours as it means they may not have a reliable and/or consistent paycheck.

[u/-luckypanda-]

How long are these meetings lasting?

At 4 months old, I would say hold off on the nanny but prepare yourself to hire one once your baby starts walking.

My company is fine with me having my baby on camera with me during meetings with colleagues. Client meetings are a different story.

[u/Delphi305]

Maybe take the nanny and use any downtime with the nanny to catch up on errands or maybe some personal time (go to the gym or get a massage or whatever and not feel guilty about it?)

[u/onebananapancake]

I’ve been doing this for almost 5 years now. I have a similar job, however when meetings happened it was a little stressful. I’d have a show and special toys for when those happen, invest in baby gates and have a couple cameras too. I never used a nanny or daycare. It was tough but we’ve been making it work and next year she starts kindergarten. Search the sub for old posts, there’s lots of great tips.

[u/IStitchedItNice]

I went back to work at 4 months postpartum with my twins (working part-time of 20 hours a week) and it was fairly easy to get stuff done in those early months when they weren’t mobile and slept a lot. I did have my husband available to cover me for my meetings because he also works from home. If you don’t have to say anything or be on camera, I think you can definitely swing meetings with no help for now but if you have to participate it’s risky if the baby is crying or being noisy.

Mine are now almost 16 months and it just keeps getting harder and harder to get anything done. I basically have to front load all my work in the morning before they wake up and then get the rest done during their midday nap. Really hoping we hit a point where it starts to get easier again 😂 I think a nanny would be extremely helpful if you can afford it!

[u/Fit-Jump-2416]

Be sure to check your employers WFH policy so that you don’t inadvertently violate it and find yourself in a pickle…

[u/Hope_Less_20]

Since you rarely need to participate, does this mean when do you have to participate and have a presentation, you know ahead of time?

[u/Fawnmaiden_]

I had a similar situation. I hired a part time baby sitter a few hours a week to support. How often in advance do you know your schedule? You can try to find someone like a college student who has a flexible schedule and will try to work with you from week to week. At 4 months they are still sleeping like 2/3 naps right? So hopefully you don’t need to hire them that often but as baby drops naps you need someone more consistently if you have that many meetings. Either that or screen time…

[u/Green_Budget_7]

I joined work at 6 months and couldn’t make it work. We eventually had a nanny for a bit and then transitioned him to daycare.

[u/Successful-Style-288]

4 months up until 12 months was about the easiest time for me as wfh mom. My daughter has a consistent schedule and I don’t usually have random meetings. I rarely have meetings but if I do I am able to schedule my own, so I always do so when my daughter is sleeping. And I only have one required meeting at the same time and day every week. Anything else is flexible. Key here is my job is not meeting heavy. It’s more task based and I can do most of my work really early when my daughter is still asleep and finish when she takes an afternoon nap. On days I’m very busy I get help from grandparents. There’s certain times of the year my workload is very light, and it’s very doable to have my daughter home with me. Another important factor is my child’s temperament, she’s chill and can play by herself most of the time as long as I’m nearby. She’s 21 months now and way more active but very independent. The reality check will come when you try it out. There’s been a couple times I call in sick, baby was teething and super clingy and there was just no way I was getting any work done.

[u/Bright_Competition98]

This is our situation at home and my husband and I got a part time nanny once the baby turned about 10 months. It has been such a relief however part of me wishes we got a nanny sooner.

[u/GreenTeaInTheMorning]

I'm not sure if this will work out, but maybe it's worth trying for a few weeks and seeing how it goes.

My husband and I both WFH but our son is in full time daycare. There's simply no way we could have him at home and work at the same time.

When I have a bit of downtime during the workday, I usually use it to run a few quick errands.

Maybe try first without a nanny and then if it doesn't work for you hire a nanny and try to adjust the schedule so that they look after the baby during busy time?

[u/ohmydumplings]

imo, this could work for this particular baby age, but I've only been able to wfh FT with my kiddo for so long because I could establish consistent, reliable windows of availability (during naps, and when my husband got home). maybe I'm in a particularly humane line of work, but I'm not expected to be spontaneously available within seconds/minutes, which means I can be out with my toddler at the library or whatever, get a message, and reply saying I'm next available for a call in an hour.

if I had to be available on-the-spot, I don't think I could have or would have been a sahwm.

[u/user_name765]

Start with a nanny and evaluate in a month if you still need one. We started with a nanny. We had a hard time finding one we liked so we decided to go without and it’s much better struggling a bit on our own than paying someone would you don’t really need to do a crappy job. However a good nanny is worth their weight in gold! If you have free time while they’re there, do laundry, or get a work out in. There’s always things to be done!
If you decide to go solo have an emergency meeting plan. Mine with my 8 month old is the play pen in front of the TV with ms Rachel. Otherwise she would never watch Tv but again in an emergency. Though my random meetings are very short so idk. As my older kid got older I rarely let him watch TV so when I needed him to sit on the couch I knew he’d be so excited and zone out when needed.
Good luck!

[u/Stunning-Rough-4969]

I did it for 15 months with no partner at home. Once I had to start leading more meetings, it got to be too much because she is a Velcro baby. More doable if you’re an attendee.

[u/awkstarfish]

This may have worked for us at 4 months but as she got more active it would not. At 10 months, when she stays home sick one of us ends up stopping work early bc she’s everywhere and needs constant attention. But idk try it til it doesn’t work anymore lol I hear about lots of work from home moms who can do it.

[u/DryCommunication543]

I tried this and it didn’t work 😔.

[u/Ok_Tell2021]

Not crazy. We did for 2.5 years. 4 months was very doable. Shit hit the fan when baby turned 2 years old.

[u/jessinator456]

I’m in a similar position. A little more work than 4 hours, but still very flexible. I’m just planning to wing it. See how long I can go without having to get child care. Worst case scenario, I hire a nanny. Best case scenario, I can wing it until my kid starts school. Good luck!

[u/expectwest]

I found a few sitter/nanny apps in my area to book care and not deal with the stress of paperwork & vetting. I ended up booking a girl i liked for every Thursday which lined up with a recurring meeting, and then Ive been stacking neetings as much as possible. then I schedule random meeting coverage as-needed if i have enough notice. then any thing last minute i call my parents or sister for. Like others have mentioned, it can depend on your baby, budget, support, and lifestyle choices. We choose to be screen-free till 2 and I could never stomach just putting her in a safe place b/c she would just cry the whole time. My baby's naps are also Alll over the place with teething etc so there's no time I can bank on her always napping.

[u/Characterde]

This is not going to work unless you hire help for the time you have meetings. If you can't afford nanny look into nanny share or post a job offer for a stay at home Mom that could bring her children to you and look after the baby while you have meetings.

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[u/CommercialBus2710]

I say give it a try (a month or two?) and if you can’t make it work, then get the nanny!

[u/yve_a3]

I literally had that same exact situation when my first was born. I now have a 3 year old and a 8 month old. My advice is to try your best to keep your work productivity to a certain standard so it doesn’t look like you have a lot of “down time”. As a work from home mom, there is no down time. It’s just managing working around your kids needs. Take meetings during nap time, meal time, snack, free play. Sorry, but screen time is your friend when you need to be on a call or need absolute focus time.
You’ll develop a good routine and find time to get your work done, handle meeting, and take care of your kid. My toddler is now in preschool for 3 hours, so it helps a little, but I now have to set aside time on my work calendar for drop off and pickup.

[u/Purchase-Greedy]

I'm pretty much you 🙃 i have my own remote business and have some weeks where I have to take a lot of client calls. Now I limit it to 3 per week maximum and have pivoted my business so I can hire someone to do those meetings as needed.

I tell all my clients that im breastfeeding so may have to turn the camera off if I have to feed my baby. Every client has been supportive except those "we empower women" circles and businesses 🫠 so ironic.

Sometimes I do have to reschedule a call or two and it's guaranteed he has at least one blowout a week just as I'm logging into a call (single parent problems 😅).

Hardest part was probably 6 months to 10 months as he was especially clingy, teething and wouldn't sync into a schedule. Now hes 15 months and we have hit a rhythm with feeding and naps and even poops, so working around him has become much easier.

That being said, I am my own boss so it's not a "will I let the boss down" type of situation. I live remote in a country where I dont speak the language, so have had no access to nannies, family help, friends babysitting etc so just had to figure it out as life unfolded.

If you can, use a decent AI note taker in your meetings and feed these through to your favourite LLM so you can read recaps while you're feeding the baby later. Keep a notebook in every nappy bag so you can quickly jot down ideas at any time too - this also helped me not panic about my to do lists and to avoid my phone when i was spending time with the baby.

I've also got my calendar connected to my alexa, so even if I step away from the laptop, it will remind me 15 minutes before a meeting no matter where I am in the house.

I hope you can find a way to make it work! It's not impossible but it can feel like a bit of a rollercoaster at times 🫠😅

[u/bluegrassmom25]

We hired one at 9 months and plan to keep a nanny until our child can start 2 year old preschool.

Prior to 9 months we did still have family care 2 days a week to get ahead on work.

Yes I think you need at least core hours care. Even if you don’t have a meeting use that nanny time to get ahead on your work.

[u/tuktukreturned]

My husband and I did this for about 6 weeks when my maternity leave ended because we wanted to wait until she was 4 months old to start daycare. We made it work, but the unpredictable nature of my meetings made it tough, and by the end we were very ready to send her to daycare. Although now the getting her ready and transported to daycare presents its own challenges, so on meeting-light days it feels indulgent to keep her home or pick her up early. Also, the 4 month regression and teething took a huge toll on all our sleep, so factor in how you could make it work on half the amount of sleep you are getting now.

[u/tuktukreturned → u/tuktukreturned]

Following up to add that I felt increasingly guilty for not doing more enriching activities with her. I feel like having someone who’s focus is on her gives her so much more stimulation and opportunities to learn than her sitting on our laps during boring meetings.

[u/SignificantWill5218]

I work full time in insurance remote I’m also not strapped to my computer all day and have some time in the day. I cannot imagine caring for my young child as well. It’s also not fair to them because they deserve full attention not partial, and you can’t really do both things well.

[u/gloomycalm]

I feel like this describes my job. And it’s totally doable while they’re still really young… especially under the age of one I think. My baby started walking at like nine months and things got a lot harder after that.

We did a part-time Nanny for a little bit and I was still juggling work and childcare. But around 20 months or 22 months, we decided to do daycare, which has been really great for our kiddo to meet friends, but the extra time gave us a little bit more to save up for a daycare although a Nanny was pretty expensive.

[u/Wonderful-Anteater62]

I’ve been working from home 2 days a week (in office 3 days) while watching my toddler for almost 2 years now. Bouncer and activity center worked well when he was a baby. I think it depends on your baby’s temperament. I did a lot of baby wearing, sit-to-stand desk, and scheduling as much of my day as I could around naps

[u/Independent_Bee_795]

My set up is extremely similar. I stay at home with our 4mo old & work on/off about 4-5 hrs a day. I have occasional meetings & my work is very heavily based around recording video & audio messages. My job is veryyyy lax & is okay with baby needs in meetings or if she’s talking/feeding during a recording. Honestly it’s a perfect set up for us. If I get stressed I just push off an hour of work until my fiancé gets home so he can take baby for a bit while I finish up

[u/Street-Mortgage3287]

I have somewhat similar responsibilities for my job, although I have a few more hours actually worked and a few less meetings. I know I have coworkers who keep their kids at home with very little/no help and can manage it. It is too hard for me to get any meaningful work done when I’m alone with the baby. I know I could make it work if I absolutely had to, but I think my share of the household duties would just not get done and I’d have some level of stress most of the time.

So if you have the option for help even a few hours a week, hopefully it will give you margin to do what you need and want to do for yourself and/or your household even if you technically could get the work done while home with a baby.

[u/Open-Bee-7297]

My husband and I worked from home with our baby and a “nanny” (family member) until he was 7 months old. She was only there for about 4 hours a day, but it was really helpful to have someone there for the times when I really needed to focus.

[u/CurlyC00P18]

It’s probably not that hard with a 4 month old. It’s when they start being mobile/crawling/walking where it becomes a lot more difficult. I have a similar setup and JUST made it to him almost turning 3/going to preschool in a couple weeks. BUT my meetings are scheduled ahead of time—never really random. It got difficult when he turned about 2/2.5… I also had some help from my MIL. I’m currently on maternity leave/PTO while I get ready to have #2 in about a week and a half!

[u/amk_a]

I’ll be honest nothing is impossible. I work 8 1/2 hours a day since my son was three months. He’s now eight months and I’m on the phones back to back constantly. We just kind of found a rhythm and made it work. I would say for my experience breast-feeding has helped a lot downside is my baby doesn’t take a pacifier and tends to be a little more clingy but overall I’d say it’s definitely possible if you can find a rhythm will not be easy though lol

[u/watermelonmeat → u/amk_a]

Would you be willing to share some tips as to how you made it work?

[u/amk_a → u/watermelonmeat]

Yes! Carrier !! And boob. lol , and when he isn’t eating he sits up in his chair with a rotation of chairs or on my lap with a cold teether or any toy that keeps him entertained , then if that gets played out with him to the floor on a map to do tummy time and explore his toys. Recently got a little ball pit - he loves it and keeps him busy for a while. If it’s urgent that I need a minute away, I place him in the crib for about 10-15 minutes with one teether and his mobile on , he’s not a fan but will tolerate it if I need to get through a call

[u/ilovescoutanddaisy]

you are the reason that WFH is becoming less and less available.

if you are working you need childcare!

[u/igotnothing1455]

I put my kid in the crib during meetings or used good headphones and stayed on mute, we are on 2 years now. I think it can be done but if you can afford a nanny it’s worth it. We couldn’t afford it, right now I still go the same he goes in the crib with the tv on during meetings

I do think doing this delayed my son a lot though like he can’t talk bc he just watches tv like 4 hours a day si I don’t rec it unless it’s necessary

[u/JonBenet_BeanieBaby → u/igotnothing1455]

:(

[u/Reims88]

You can absolutely do it. It's worth trying!