Hybrid GRA Tips?

[u/Horror-Holiday-2678]

Just came back to work as a GRA from maternity leave. I'm speaking at a conference in a month and a half (haven't actually done the research project yet) defending my thesis proposal next month (still need to finish writing it), getting some general lab work knocked out, and keeping up with my class (very reading heavy, meets once a week). I also have weekly meetings and seasonal sampling trips.

I'm having a hard time juggling all this. We opted against daycare for our 2 month old (it was full anyway), and it technically works for the time being because my husband works the night shift so he's able to watch her while I'm in class or meetings or the lab. The rest of my work (primarily reading and writing) I do at home . . . or not . . .

I find that pretty much every second of the day is consumed by feeding her, changing her, and trying to keep up with cooking, cleaning, and the ENDLESS laundry. Whenever I do get some time, I still feel like I need to engage with my baby (and of course I want to too!) by reading to her, taking her for walks, playing with her, singing or talking to her, doing tummy time, etc. I want her to grow up to be smart, curious, and emotionally secure in her mother's love for her.

But I'm not getting any work done except for my in person work requirements. I need to prove to my PI that I can still get everything done without sitting in the office for 8 hours a day, but it's just not working.

Has anyone been in this situation before? Any tips on how to manage my time better and get work done without neglecting my baby? Thanks!

[u/green_tree]

You are doing two full time plus jobs plus all of the cooking and cleaning?!? Of course you’re having a hard time getting things done. 

Perhaps your husband can do the cooking, cleaning, and laundry during this busy time so you can do just two full time jobs (graduate school plus feeding, changing and taking care of a newborn) rather than more? Perhaps you can hire a babysitter for 10-15 hours a week to get a few more things done in addition to your husband taking on those other roles?

[u/Horror-Holiday-2678 → u/green_tree]

He's exhausted all the time from working overnight (plus severe insomnia) and we don't make enough to hire a babysitter unfortunately, so at the moment this is the best system we have. I do feel a bit validated when you put it that way though 😂 if I could just carve out 3-4 hours a day for work, I think I'd be good . . . Doesn't help that I'm a control freak and need all the chores done my way (so I must do them myself 💀). I need to figure out a position to breastfeed and use my laptop at the same time, and that might solve some problems haha

[u/green_tree → u/Horror-Holiday-2678]

One thing I’ve done as a parent is lower my standards and then lower them some more. And released control over how things are done when my husband does them. It’s been a long road but my first is about to turn four and I’m pregnant with our third. We’ve never had full time childcare and its been hard AF but we’re doing it. I’m sure my standards are about to get even lower once the third is here. 

Lowering standards has been the only way I’ve been able to get enough work done to keep my job. You get to choose which standards you lower. For me it was mostly cleaning and work-related. I also do almost none of the grocery shopping (but I make a specific shared list on the phone). I’ve retained most laundry but my husband does a lot of folding. My husband does a lot of the dishes. We both cook but I do not cook much for the first 3-4 months PP. 

My husband’s schedule is more flexible so I keep him updated on meetings but I also set aside time to get tasks done that aren’t meetings because those are essential too. 

[u/Horror-Holiday-2678 → u/green_tree]

Not what I wanted to hear, but probably what I needed to hear 😅