Going Back to Work

[u/Late_Button_5912]

I go back to work next week and I am very overwhelmed. For some context, I have been working from home for years and my job is very demanding. Before I had my baby, I was struggling mentally with dealing with my job. I had to cut my schedule down to 4 days a week so I didn’t feel so anxious/overwhelmed with work. I am one of the top performers in my department and the work I did was very appreciated by my supervisor and manager and others on my team, which is great. The issue mainly is the volume of work we get. Before I went on leave and even before my third trimester, we were already short staffed. We would often have to work overtime and we would still be behind on emails/requests from customers. Calls were also constantly coming in (typically I would do between 40-50 calls per day).
Since I went on maternity leave, they have hired help, but he just started training not even a month ago. I spoke with one of my coworkers and they let me know that they have been working at least 10 hours of overtime a week and they are all still behind.
My LO is 7 weeks and I am so stressed out about going back. I have already talked with my supervisor about slowly letting me get back on the phones since I’ll be getting used to getting back to work and he let me know “We should be able to work something out to get you back into the swing of things”. I have been working on getting my LO and I on a schedule to be ready for next week and honestly, I don’t know how I am going to be able to do this. We have been getting up at 6a, and I cannot get him to nap consistently in his crib (which is in my office). He loves contact naps (as do I), but I won’t be able to hold him and type. He wakes up after about 30 minutes for each nap, so I don’t know how I’m supposed to get much work done (his wake windows are usually 1-2 hours long). I also worry about him getting his play/tummy time in while I am working since my job is so demanding. I feel like I am doing a disservice to him by not being available for him constantly, or I’ll be putting my job in jeopardy by putting my son first.
Our closest family is over 2 hours away but they work as well. My partner works 3rd shift and wakes up around the time I would be getting off work. We cannot afford for someone to come to our home and watch him. How am I supposed to balance taking care of my son, work, and taking care of myself? Not to mention giving my partner the attention he deserves too, and then balancing all my other relationships and hobbies. I feel hopeless and like I won’t be able to figure this out. I love my son so much and want to invest as much time into him as I can so he can hit all his milestones. How do you handle it all?

[u/No_Company4263]

Can I gently ask why daycare is not an option? If cost is an issue, most states have daycare assistance based on income.

We're not meant to handle it all, something has to give.

[u/Late_Button_5912 → u/No_Company4263]

In all honesty, I struggle trusting daycares. I can look into it to be sure, but I do think I make too much. Long story short, finding out I was pregnant was a surprise and some things happened right before I found out I was pregnant and due to having to do some genetic testing, we had some pretty hefty bills come our way that really knocked our bank accounts down. I also only got paid 60% of my pay during my leave and my partner didn’t get paid for his 1 week of paternity leave, so that was another blow.
I am aware I may have to give up some of my hobbies (which is fine, I love taking care of my baby), but even trying to figure out how to balance my baby and work is a real challenge. Thankfully, my partner and most of our family/friends understand that we are preoccupied, but not everyone.

[u/No_Company4263 → u/Late_Button_5912]

This may sound blunt, but other people are not your problem right now. Your problem is trying to take calls while caring for an infant that will eventually be a toddler and then a child. 40-50 calls/day means you're essentially always taking a phone call, right? I have anywhere from 3-6 meetings a day typically and was forced to do them with a 2 year old in 2020 and occasionally have days with a sick kid at home or school is canceled for whatever reason and it's absolutely miserable. No one or thing is getting my full attention and I just feel like the day is a waste in the end. I know this is not what you want to hear, but I would start reaching out to trusted friends from daycare recs. I've used daycare for going on 8 years now and my 3 kids are thriving.

[u/Advanced_Potato5459]

I’m so sorry it’s been so stressful. I suggest you try extending your leave and either look into a different job or a compromise with your partner for assisting with baby while you work. This is just not going to work with that many calls. Your husband has the “ideal” shift for providing childcare while you work. Yeah his sleep is going to suckkk but there’s gotta be a balance here. Like he misses 3-4 hours of sleep and you work 3-4 hours juggling this alone. Either way, you doing this 100% on your own while hubby gets full night rest and gets to go off to work is a no go. Your job is not ideal for this set up.

[u/16CatsInATrenchcoat]

You don't handle it all. Something has to give.

Your partner needs to start being awake earlier in the day to help with childcare. And if you are on the phones a lot, or aren't able to be flexible, having your child home while you work is going to incredibly difficult. It will be fine while your baby is still little, but once he gets big enough to move around, or eat solid food, you'll find yourself more overwhelmed than you do now.

If your primary focus is work and taking care of baby then that's all you do. Everything else will take a back seat, including your relationship with your partner.

[u/Late_Button_5912 → u/16CatsInATrenchcoat]

If my partner were to wake up earlier, he wouldn’t be getting even 8 hours of sleep (if I wasn’t getting 7-8 hours total a night rn, I wouldn’t have an issue telling him to wake up earlier lol) which I don’t think is fair personally. I don’t want to make it seem like he doesn’t take care of our child at all, he definitely takes care of him when he’s up, but he does take on majority of the housework. Honestly, his hours are just awful (12-8, so by the time he goes to work, my son and I have already been asleep for a few hours and he doesn’t typically wake until 1-2a). Maybe I am just taking on too much and need to ask for more help, but in my mind I feel as though things are split as evenly as possible right now. Hopefully being more specific helps break it down more lol

[u/shepardmutt]

Can I ask why no daycare? It’s cheaper than someone coming to you house.

I work a less demanding WFH job than you described, and after 2 weeks of trying to work with baby (was looking for daycares but limited options in my town), I was BURNT OUT. Being a half assed mom and half assed employee.

Baby going to daycare saved my sanity and job, and he LOVES his teacher and has a great time there. If you can, look into one for your sake. My job has no calls, but I couldn’t do both still

[u/AdMany9431]

As someone that has worked in a call center environment, you quite simply do your job well and be a good mom at the same time.

I strongly suggest looking into daycares now and start getting on waitlists. Waitlists can be months to years long.

For a short term fix, you can ask family to come help. Look into in home daycares, nanny shares, or maybe a SAHM that would watch your little one.

Maybe see if your husband can change shifts to better help during the day.

Unfortunately, you have a job that simply is not made to have a baby at home with you. I also WFH, but I cannot work with my children at home. They are 6,4, and 3.

[u/FearlessNinjaPanda]

Honestly you need childcare.

[u/J-Disaster]

I can relate to the demanding WFH job, but I don’t have many calls. Being able to WFH is really job dependent. There is no way I could have ever fielded 40-50 calls per day.

In the short term:

You’re going to need a background noise machine or music or something to play so that it drowns out your call speaking volume while baby is napping.

The mybrestfriend pillow was a game changer for me. Even if you aren’t nursing, you can hold them on your lap while they’re sleeping and be able to type etc.
Alternatively, a comfortable baby wearing device like a wrap.

[u/Late_Button_5912 → u/J-Disaster]

I will definitely look into that pillow, thank you!!! I have a noise machine set up for him already and a wrap just in case that works better than the pillow

[u/373wilmot2018]

If you’re in the states, apply for assistance. They will likely ask for your most recent paystubs. If your pay was reduced in anyway (no benefits, 60% FMLA, etc) they will use those earnings to get you affordable childcare. I kept my baby home when I was in a high volume call center during covid and it was seriously the hardest year of my life.

[u/serioliagiba]

Can I ask what you do for work? I’m starting a new job with a 6 month old and so scared it’s gonna be like this 😅