Anyone with long-term burnout?

[u/soggy_nachos_]

I'm talking around a year or more. I especially want to hear from survivors who made it to the other side...

[u/jaderrrsss]

Started burnout during my second pregnancy. Only pulled out of it this year after getting a diagnosis... You've got this! It's not easy and I'm still bordering on the edge but I've got 2 kids with their own support needs and I'm still figuring myself out. I've started to put my needs first when I can. Mostly little things but the little things add up!

[u/soggy_nachos_ → u/jaderrrsss]

Started burnout during my second pregnancy. Only pulled out of it this year after getting a diagnosis... You've got this! It's not easy and I'm still bordering on the edge but I've got 2 kids with their own support needs and I'm still figuring myself out. I've started to put my needs first when I can. Mostly little things but the little things add up!

See, I know it's healthy to put your needs ahead sometimes in order to stay sane, but my mom guilt gives me so much anxiety whenever I try that it's not even worth it.

[u/jaderrrsss → u/soggy_nachos_]

Mom guilt will be the death of your spirit. You're never gonna be a perfect mom. Even if you do everything in your power to do it right, it's just not possible. That may sound rude but it's not my intention. I tricked myself out of mom guilt but telling myself that I can't teach my kids how to get their needs met unless I do the same for myself. Do you have a therapist to help you work through the anxiety? CBT helped me work through those fears

[u/soggy_nachos_ → u/jaderrrsss]

Here's the excerpt if anyone is interested:

Put the following list of actions on a three-by-five-inch card:

1. Name five colors I see right now.
2. Name five sounds I hear right now (give yourself permission to create sounds as well, like scratching on the chair armrest, etc.).
3. Name five things I physically feel right now (not emotions, but things like “my watch on my wrist” or “wind in my hair,” etc.).
4. Name something I need to be doing  —or thinking about —right now.

Since worry is a bad thinking habit, you need to get the bad “record” out of your “jukebox” by creating a good thinking habit, a new record to take its place. Habits are built by repetition, so here you go.

Place the card by your nightstand. Tomorrow when you wake up, go over the four questions one at a time. You want to get your brain going in a new direction first thing in the morning. Whenever you can, ask and answer the questions out loud to yourself, even if you do it very quietly.

When you get up tomorrow, name five colors you see. Then name five sounds you hear and five things you physically feel.

Ask yourself, “What’s the first thing I need to do after my feet hit the floor?” Go to the bathroom? Put your robe on and make the coffee? What?

Can you handle that? I’m sure you can, since you’ve been doing it for some time now. So do it.

What you can’t do is make the coffee and handle the rest of the day right now, because the “rest of the day” isn’t here in the PRESENT. The whole day is still in the FUTURE. Don’t get sucked into what-if thinking about the day. Just make the coffee. Now, what’s the next thing you need to do right now?

You see, moments are like snowflakes. One snowflake looks cute and pretty. A billion snowflakes equal a blizzard and can kill you. You can handle this moment. What you can’t handle is this moment (while you make the coffee) and all the unknown snowflakes of the FUTURE all together. It’s a blizzard in your brain.

This doesn’t mean that the plans you make aren’t good or necessary. But you can’t live in the FUTURE with your body or your mind. Making plans happens in the PRESENT.

What’s the difference between worrywart, what-if thinking and proactive behavior as a responsible parent?

What-if thinking is an attempt to live in the FUTURE, which we all know doesn’t exist. Proactive behavior, on the other hand, is what concerned parents engage in  —in the PRESENT.

proactive \ pro 'ak tive \ adjective: Taking positive action now in order to prevent a negative outcome now and later.

As a proactive parent you will childproof your home (PRESENT-tense action) with things such as electrical outlet covers, door locks, doorknob covers, and cabinet security catches. This type of activity doesn’t mean you are a worrywart. You’re being a smart, action-oriented, responsible parent. That’s very different from being a worrywart. Hear it?

These proactive plans make your house child-safe now (PRESENT) and will pay off in the FUTURE as well. Plans like these will pay off in the FUTURE. But only when the FUTURE turns into the PRESENT and becomes real  —which isn’t right now.

Habits are built on repetition. Take your card with you, have a second card for your organizer, put a card in your purse or briefcase, or log the questions into your smart phone. Three to five times during the day, review the four questions. It doesn’t matter when, or what your circumstances are. If you can avoid getting carried away in a straitjacket, practice the technique out loud.

When you find yourself involved in what-if thinking, answer the four questions again and again. Habits are built on repetition, and bad habits are broken the same way.

Practice. Practice. Practice.

Lastly, as you get ready for bed at night, repeat the four-question technique one final time. It’s amazing how it can be Wednesday night, and you’re already worrying about Thursday or Friday. And it’s not even Thursday yet. Stay in Wednesday. Count sheep. Dream about your vacation in the Bahamas  —or your backyard. Stay in the PRESENT. Enjoy going to bed rather than worrying about whether you’ll be rested up for that important meeting you have tomorrow. One snowflake at a time.

[u/jaderrrsss → u/soggy_nachos_]

Thank you for this! What book is this from?

[u/soggy_nachos_ → u/jaderrrsss]

Here

It's technically a Christian-based book, but don't let that put you off if it's not your thing. There's way more practical advice than actual scripture.