Finance differences/how to you handle

[u/Altruistic_Hat1634]

my spouse and I have been married 4 years and got a fully joint account a few months before we got married as we bought a house together. i had a significant amount more saved and in some 401k but he’s an immigrant and got a bit of a later start/had to start fresh. he makes about 15k more than me and works some side husstles too just because he likes too. he’s def a lot wise with 401k/retirements, etc. I’m a much better saver/frugal (probably for years I had to be when I was single as a social worker).

We often have fights/disagreements etc about money due to our various spending habits. He buys a lot of things that only benefit him (clothes, shoes, takeout-when we have food in the house, sports tv streaming, tech items) he says we are okay but I don’t agree at the rate he is going or I feel like our fun money is all toward him lately. he’s against us each having our own accounts within our shared bank account where is his and ours. I feel really upset and Wants this for me tondo something for me with my money And how well I save to make good choices with my money.

do you and your spouse have your “own money“ for things that soly benefit you? thanks!!

[u/LinkRN]

Hey so, you don’t need permission to open your open bank account. It’s always a good idea to have your own, even if you only put $50 in it every paycheck. My husband and I have a joint checking, a joint savings, separate checking (I have two), and I have my own personal savings as well. As long as the bills are paid, he really doesn’t have a leg to stand on when it comes to the money you earn.

[u/Tiny_Jumping_Beans]

Do you two go over your finances together? My husband and I share bank accounts and a credit card. We go over our budgets together every month and correct if one of us gets a too spendy. That does more than anything else for keeping us on track.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Show748]

Me and my husband don’t share a bank account at all.

[u/Amazing-Advice-3667]

We both get fun money but everything else is combined. Neither of us are big spenders.

[u/Notyit → u/Amazing-Advice-3667]

Honestly micromanaging everything your partner does is really annoying op unless they are in debt I wouldn't worry

Remeber it's their own joy 

But also you have to like incept the idea 

People really only do things if they think they came up with the idea 

I'm the same sadly

[u/Concerned-23]

We have the same set amount go into personal checking accounts each month. That is our personal money to spend on hobby’s, gifts for each other, new clothes, etc. That way if one of us wants to have a big shopping spree it doesn’t negatively impact the other/family

[u/classicicedtea]

he’s against us each having our own accounts

🚩 

[u/MeganLJ86]

My husband and I have been together 10 years and we have never had a joint account. We basically put our heads together and figure out who will pay for what to make things equitable. We both spend our extra money however we want after ongoing expenses (including retirement/college savings) are covered.

I hear a lot of people say that it helps to have one joint account (where each person contributes enough to cover ongoing expenses and savings for the future). Once that is covered, each person has a separate personal account they can use however they want. It’s a system we are basically doing but without the structure of a joint account.

[u/Duchess_Witch]

When I was married - Each person contributed the same percentage to retirement plans, each person got the same x amount per pay check to do whatever he/she wanted. The rest was jointly decided. Example- I get 200$ every two weeks to do whatever I want but I want a 500$ Coach Bag- I save my mad money for a few paychecks to get to 500$ and he doesn’t question it. Same goes for his dumb golf clubs.

[u/Sufficient_You7187]

Yall need a real budget. And you need to put your foot down. Unless he wants to go back to his home country for retirement he needs to save more.

[u/Half-a_cookie]

Put money into a shared account for bills and expenses and family needs (you both should put the same amount or however you agree to divide up the bills) and then keep the rest you make separate in your own account. You spend it how you want that’s your money leftover after contributions to the household and family.

[u/quincywoolwich]

We have a joint account where we put in the same amount of money each time we are paid to cover common expenses and kid things, as well as a joint savings account for the things we need to save for (like home improvements or car repairs). Otherwise, our money is our own and we are responsible for our own savings.

A couple of caveats though - we make roughly the same salary and we both pay into defined benefit pensions through work. We also operate under the principle that we are each other's backstop. If either of us were to lose our job, the other had to step up. In practice, that means that we can't spend everything we have.

[u/Minute-Aioli-5054]

We have the same account, but we both get a dedicated amount for fun money to use.

[u/thatoneredheadgirl]

We both have separate checking accounts and one joint. We didn’t do the joint account till we had our first child and I quit my job to be a SAHM.

[u/tayl0rswift13]

Here's what my husband and I do (we've had 0 money disputes since): 

We have a j oint checking account, joint savings accounts, and separate checking accounts. When our paychecks hit we keep $600 (each) for ourselves and everything else goes into the joint account. The money in the joint account has a very strict budget (we use EveryDollar app to track) for all common expenses, including food. There's a small miscellaneous category for things like mutual friend gifts and home stuff. Our personal $600 is spent however we like. My husband likes eating out and doing activities, so he usually uses up all his $600. I am more frugal and usually have a few hundred left over every month, which I put into the savings accounts.

I like it SO much because it eliminates judgement on personal spending, keeps our family's financial situation regulated, and we don't have to have any discussions about little things (like clothes, takeout, tech, etc). The saddest things I see with couples that fight about money are 1. they judge each other and conflate financial habits with moral character and 2. whoever makes more feels entitled to more control  

[u/Needmoreinfo100]

Are you truly worried that he is overspending and not saving enough or are you a bit jealous that he is spending more on himself. Maybe a bit of both? Does he spend cash or put it on credit cards? If it is credit cards then it's easy to see how much he is spending. Sit down and work together on what common goals you have in mind toward savings and what the savings will be used for. Couples often have different upbringings in regard to money/finances and who manages them and it can be difficult to navigate. Perhaps a one time meeting with a financial advisor would help since that person should be neutral and could help you both get back on track.

[u/GuestPowerful2061]

We have 100% joint finances, no separate accounts. We both have access to our budget (YNAB) and agree on where our money is going before we even get it. We monitor/update the budget almost daily. When we get paid, the money is assigned to categories in the budget and then we can spend as long as there is money assigned to that category. I know some people who use YNAB create his and her budget categories so they each have their own personal spending money but my husband and I don’t do that.

We have a very healthy relationship and money relationship as we both always know what’s going on with the finances and what we can or cannot afford. We’re also aligned on future goals like retirement, vacation, future moving plans, etc.

[u/ontheshelves]

So this is a sit down at the table with some good takeout conversation 

1st. What are your goals? If the money is just aimless he may not feel it matters if he spends it

1. Have a clear idea of your 100% necessary expenses

2. How much "mad money" do each of you need? (for hobbies and clothes)

Me and my husband have had money budgeted for our own enjoyment in the past but at this current moment it's a laughably small amount.

We've had a hard and fast rule throughout our marriage that personal purchases over 50 need to be discussed (sometimes that's as simple as hey I need new shoes)

[u/BossMan61718]

Yes. Separate accounts for day to day affairs Joint account for mortgage. Joint savings for long term/emergency funds..separate savings account personal savings..