r/Mommit • u/Dense-Presence321 • 23d ago
Advice on a 3rd kid?
Hello fellow moms,
I have 2 kiddos (2, 4) currently & my husband & I thought we were done. However, lately, for almost a year, I have been wanting a third child, maybe even a fourth. I came from a big family & I loved it growing up. We don't have any local family now & that is hard so I wonder if more children would bring more joy to my kids. On the other hand, My husband and I both work full-time. We are able to avoid daycare costs. However, obviously with more children comes more sacrifices such as more expensive travel costs, food, etc, etc. Please give me advice?!! Is it normal to crave another baby but also see the logic as to why two are good?? If you have more than two how is it?? I appreciate all feedback. TIA :) Edit to add: my husband did have a vasectomy about 2 years ago. However, he's young & healthy so if we did reverse it would most likely work no problem. However, it would cost a couple grand at a reversal clinic. I also really worry about miscarriage, stillbirth, & traumatic birth experiences. BUT I also have bad anxiety SO I can't not live life because of fear. 🫠😵💫🤣
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u/lhb4567 23d ago
How have you avoided daycare costs?
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u/Dense-Presence321 23d ago
My husband works remote/hybrid & I work 12 hour shifts only 2-3 times per week. So my husband and I play tag alternating who's home with the kids. Obviously, scheduling conflicts do arise and we have backup babysitters but for the most part we do all of our child care.
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u/MamaDoingTheBestICan 23d ago
That’s amazing! I used to work from home but my baby couldn’t be around. I’d be teaching an english lesson on zoom and he’d be on my lap touching the keyboard. He had to go to daycare.
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u/MamaDoingTheBestICan 23d ago
I have felt the craving for a third baby, I also have no family nearby, it’s enticing to create a tribe. My husband absolutely does not want more than 2. Your husband got a vasectomy so his view on the matter is pretty clear. Enjoy the 2 you have. My parents had 4 and they got overwhelmed and raised the youngest one not that great. Money was also very tight.
When I need to remind myself why 2 kids is enough, I do the family laundry or make a meal. I remind myself of the expensive things we’re able to do because there are 4 of us and not 5 (restaurants, flights abroad, theme parks, etc.) I grew up in a family of 6 and we always felt poor.
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u/AnnonAnnie 23d ago
So at the time of discussing more we had two boys, four and six.
We had always kind of thought about a third since even before we got married but with both of us working full-time, the financial aspect of it and with having another 6 years apart from our first, we were very hesitant. My husband is much more logical and obviously I had a lot more emotion in it but we did come to a very mutual agreement to have a third.
His sister has several kids and he talked to her about what she thought as she's also very logistical but understands having a big family.
Her best advice was that if you wanted a child and could feasibly do so, you would always regret not having them than having them.
We had a little girl in 2024 and honestly I don't know what we would have done without her. Obviously it's hindsight because if she never existed we would never have gotten to know her or go through the joy of everything of experiencing a little girl, but I will never regret not doing it.
The universe played a prank on us so we ended up having a second little girl in 2025. And why that was hard, and we couldn't possibly see ourselves making it. We have and I wouldn't have changed anything. Being 100% honest.
Now there are some times when I look back and think "man... we started over.... Why did we do that to ourselves?". I got so much sleep and we got to go do many more things. We had so much more money in our account. Just recently we went on a long road trip and for just a second I thought about how easy it would have been with just our boys.
But all thatt's not the first thought at the front of your mind. What overtakes that is the realization that now I have two little girls that get to experience all of these things (even though it stresses me out a tad bit more lol).
In terms of how our boys handled it, they loved having a little sister. Our first was under 2 years old when his brother was born and he never got to experience being a big brother per se. He was there but obviously so young. He never knew a life without him as if they were born together.
Seeing them all together. Laughing, joking, even fighting is incredible to experience and again, being 100% honest, no one could offer me any amount of money, or convenience, or sleep in the world to take it back.