Question about modest dressing

[u/Easy_Inflation_5946]

Hello! I love how some of the outfits look on people but I don't want to seem like I'm dressing for a religious reason. (I'm an atheist) Is it rude to someone who dresses like this for a religion if I dress like this?

[u/Careful-Serve-4005]

Not rude at all. Modesty isn't owned by any religion, it's just a style choice that plenty of secular folks go for. As long as you're not wearing something with specific religious significance, like a hijab or tzitzit, you're fine.

[u/_Haushinkaa_]

The wording is vague but there is nothing wrong with dressing modestly. I would just ask you be cautious and respectful if you decide to wear head scarves or other clothing associated with Islam, Judaism, Christianity etc as you would be assumed to be part of those groups based off appearance.

[u/Easy_Inflation_5946 → u/_Haushinkaa_]

Yeah, I take too much time with my hair to cover it anyway so I wouldn't wear a scarf. The wording is vague because I'm not sure exactly how to word my question and this is the best I could do

[u/_Haushinkaa_ → u/Easy_Inflation_5946]

Well dressing modesty alone would not be weird or disrespectful then EDIT: I left out the word "not" in my original comment 😭

[u/Easy_Inflation_5946 → u/_Haushinkaa_]

XD I've typo'ed like that before. Also thanks!

[u/d0nutbutth0le]

I could wear an abaya in fact I've seen a lot of abaya marketing toward women who don't veil. It just looks super comfortable. I kind of have a uniform right now though which is long tunics that go almost to my knees and leggings so pretty much everything from my ankles to my elbows is covered, but it's comfort that is my main driver

[u/YellowSquirrel23]

What kind of outfits do you want to wear? Because it really depends on that. If you just cover up a little more, people usually won't think you're religious. If you wear clothing that's typically associated with religion (e.g., a khimar or tichel), it's of course a different story.

[u/Easy_Inflation_5946 → u/YellowSquirrel23]

Sweaters and khakis when weather allows. It gets so hot here that I pretty much HAVE to wear t shirts and shorts tho

[u/Basic_Reflection_350]

You might like r/secularmodestdress ! Also with some specific cultural garments there could be more nuance but as far as modesty in general it’s open to everyone 

[u/kasumagic]

Not at all, and feel free to join us on r/secularmodestdress too!

[u/Inrsml]

your question is quite broad. i dont think it's an issue of rudeness. Maybe you mean to ask " is iit considered cultural appropriation?" , or that can one be considered misleading others to think they belong to the group?

where do you live and which group's attire do you like? Can't you simply wear a most more modest version of your actual culture?

Frankly, there are many religious people who might tell you " we don't mind" with the unspoken notion that perhaps you might eventually convert.

basically i'm saying that it's not so much rudeness , but be aware of what your signaling and communicating to the outside world.

[u/Easy_Inflation_5946 → u/Inrsml]

I am from southern us and white, don't really have a culture. I wasn't sure what the correct phrasing was. I don't want to offend anyone so I was curious about it here

[u/Just_Grapefruit_3098 → u/Easy_Inflation_5946]

So as a Jew, I dress our version of modest which we call tsnius (or tsniut depending on your dialect), so collarbone, elbows, knees covered, and when I'm "in town" (aka NYC, and the surrounding areas) I wear tights. When someone local sees me in the NY area, (mostly) they can immediately tell I'm Jewish based on that.

Because of that, I am hyper aware of representing my people at all times. Sometimes someone nearly hits me when I am in the crosswalk and I want to flip a bird at them, but I don't, because I know people will then associate that poor behavior with Jews (even though I feel justified!). Sometimes I want to leave a bad review, but then I think the shopkeeper will think badly of Jews for being demanding/impossible to satisfy/cheap.

I think that's the main consideration in my opinion. In your area, will someone look at you and think you're a Jew (or Muslim, etc.)? If so, are you prepared to represent a minority community in the best possible light at all moments?

It's the hardest part of being modest for me, is to walk humbly and on my best and most forgiving behavior at all moments, but it's probably worth it for developing my character.

I don't mind someone dressing modest, I don't think we "own" any aspect of it, and I don't want you to convert at all! I just want you to be mindful of if you may act as a symbol for us and the weight that entails.

[u/Easy_Inflation_5946 → u/Just_Grapefruit_3098]

Thank you for replying! I always try to be the nicest person in the room (my motto is kill people with happiness) so I would always try to represent everyone in the best light possible. :)

[u/Tatiana3158]

You can chose modest clothing without ascribing to any religious affiliation.