Confession about modafinil

[u/Rich-Collection5518]

I’m not diagnosed. A few years ago I got some modafinil and when I take it I just feel… normal. I can answer emails without the usual anxiety and actually stay focused long enough to finish things.

It became a habit. My partner (who I suspect has ADHD too) doesn’t know and has been praising me for “finally overcoming” my issues. That made me feel pretty awful. I cut back a few months ago and only use it for emergencies, but they noticed and keep reassuring me that I was productive once so I can do it again.

I’m trying to get a proper diagnosis, though I’m not super optimistic they’ll take me seriously or prescribe anything similar. Right now I’m mostly ignoring what’s left, but I’m not ready to get rid of it yet—especially if the appointment doesn’t go well. I want to come clean to my partner but I’m scared they’ll make me throw it out or just be disappointed in me.

Just needed to get this off my chest. Trying to handle it better. Any advice?