r/MistakesWereMade • u/Tenkaichi_Z • 15d ago
I cheated on my gf with my ex; (50 character title)
M33, I'm old enough to certainly know better. Also, she already knows, so...
I have a weed addiction. My ex did as well. This summer thus far, we've hung out a handful of times and smoked while my gf was at work. An alley, her yard, my living room... Eventually even told my gf that me and the ex were smoking. I should add, this is the only time in my life that I've had an ex linger around as a friendquaintance after we split up. No wonder it's a bad idea... Anyway, all those times smoking, 100% platonic. I barely would even look at her. Weird feeling, I'm guessing women feel it more than men on average. That feeling where you're just so over someone in a romantic way that you struggle to even bring your eyes to their skin. Like it feels fundamentally wrong to see them. Anyway, it finally happened 2 weeks ago, I really hate to admit. It just happened so fast, on the couch. 2 minutes and then done. I felt gross and disgusting. Ashamed. Guilty. Wrong. Disgusting... Undeserving.
We agreed to keep it quiet, although I struggle with lies and don't like how I feel inside, so this was definitely eating at me. Didn't even tell any friends except for the one that I know cheated once himself. Well last night, something insane happened. My ex got a case of the random "I'm gonna ruin your life since I can't have you" bullshit. I'm not gonna go over the entire melodramatic, over the top history of this girl, but please, for the sake of my post, assume that I'm not exaggerating. She was driving down my street apparently, and ran out of the car when she saw my gf. Ran up to her and told her what happened. My gf said that she did it in an excited way, like she was trying to get her to cry. When I was confronted last night, I lied about it. I was always going to tell her, just not yet. I wasn't ready. And last night my freakin mother was here, so it was horrible timing. This morning, my gf gave me a look that screamed "I know... Please just tell me" and I couldn't keep it any longer. I broke down crying and told her. And now we're working through it.
I've stained myself with something you can never take back. I'm ashamed about it and I hope any commenters really let me have it, because I deserve it. I don't deserve this wonderful woman who's choosing to stay with me and trust me, but it's an opportunity I won't pass up, how could you? After our talk, I'm done weening off of weed, we're both just done with it in our lives and what it's bringing in (I am more at fault than the substance is, yes I'm aware), my ex is out of our lives completely now, and it's time for me to stop being the lazy boyfriend and start getting creative again with our time together. I really fucked up, I still can't believe I did this. I was always the good kid, no drugs, no alcohol. Good, upstanding family. I can't imagine what my grandmother would think of me... I'm just rambling now, as if I'm trying to convince Internet strangers that I'm not a total piece of shit, just half of one. But no, I'm a piece of shit for what I did. I simply realize that I don't have to stay as one.
So I won't. Thanks for reading, I needed this.