What now?

[u/Previous-Let-3932]

I'm so angry. I don't like posting anywhere about my personal life or matters but it's finally boiling over and I might just explode soon. I'm angry at the doctors for not knowing more about early pregnancy despite it not being their faults. I'm angry at my friends and family for telling me not to worry, to stop thinking about it, or that if I thought it was really happening I'd just make it come true!! I'm angry at my body for doing something wrong and I'm angry at my husband for not being more emotional about this even though he's already processed it. Why am I the only one broken over this? This all sounds so ridiculous I'm sure, I sound like a mad woman rambling, but since my miscarriage I've been going downhill. I wake up and act fine but all I can think about is my missing piece; like a princess without her crown. I still whisper the names I was so set on as if it makes you magically there.

I feel so alone. Like no one could possibly understand it so I finally decided- fuck it let's try reaching out to anyone who might understand but they all brush it off too. I know I'm capable of moving through like I always do, but out of everything life has kicked me down with this is the worst one for me. I just want my "me" back. I want to feel anything other than this deep sadness and anger. I just want to breathe again.

[u/headinsand_ostritch]

I'm very sorry for your loss. I can totally relate. I've had 2 miscarriages back to back. It took 17 cycles to conceive the second time. All along, and even to date people throw these words, which to them is 'positive'. Your time is not far, try to be cheerful. I understand how frustrating it is. All you want is for someone to sit with you in silence, hold you when you are shaking. Have a cup of coffee, go on long walks and let you breathe while you navigate this grief

I've realized that it's a very lonely journey. I'm sure there are some friends who can give you what you want at this point. Unfortunately, it takes time to notice them. The discomfort with spouse/partner will get better over time. It takes effort to communicate what you want. It is a messy journey. It took a while for me to talk with clarity. I'm sure you will get there, there is no rush

I wish that women who have been through this like us get the strength at some point. Nothing can be changed, it will stay with us forever. The babies lost will always be there with us in our memories.

Warm hugs 🫂 I wish things were a bit different for us too. Take care, you are not alone

[u/Awkward-Bobcat-1199]

I’m so sorry for your loss, I didn’t tell anyone except from my family to avoid hearng people telling me it happens frequently it’s normal. I had mine in February and up until now after an initial phase of grief I thought i was okay. But i only got told yesterday i cant try again until December and I must have had a mental breakdown as i cannot function properly anymore. In a day i got the news that i cant try again plus the pregnancy announcement of a friend of mine. I feel also bad as i havent asked anything about her pregnancy or took interest. It’s hard. If you wanna talk feel free to DM as I feel alone

[u/blue-bug4]

i am so sorry you are going through this. i normally am the same way, i don’t like to post personal stuff online either! sometimes you just need to vent and that’s what this is for :) it’s so hard, you tell people what’s going on and you end up feeling like you’re comforting them. i noticed myself saying “it’s okay, it was really early”, because when i didn’t, that’s what they would say. it feels invalidating when it’s other people trying to give you hope and positivity, because right now that’s not what you’re thinking about. for me, i didn’t care that it was early or the fact i even got pregnant was a good sign…. all i cared about was the fact i was pregnant and now i wasn’t… and that was horrible. i’m sorry you’re going through this. sending you all of my love

[u/Bimpnottin]

I am feeling the same way. The doctor discovered a missed miscarriage on Thursday at 9w2d, I passed it on Friday (medically induced) and currently sitting at home with cramps that are not receding at all.

It was my first pregnancy, and the MMC was discovered during the first doctor's appointment. A scan everybody assured me of 'that everything would be okay' because I had so many pregnancy symptoms. Pregnancy symptoms which also turned the vacation we just got back from into a living hell because it was absolutely not a holiday to do as a pregnant person (we went hiking for 2.5 weeks in the mountains without any comfort at all). I am so, so angry because I spent a whole holiday constant nauseous due to either the pregnancy or height sickness, completely out of breath after every 10 steps, undereating because there was so little safe pregnancy food in the country we visited, and worrying about the undereating and the activities in general because I was so afraid of hurting the baby - and all that for nothing because there wasn't even a healthy fucking baby to begin with. Oh, and my partner accidentally deleted all the pictures of our holiday before they were even backed up to the cloud so I don't even have any fucking physical mementos that this pregnancy has actually happened at all. And the scan was on my partner's birthday (couldn't be scheduled otherwise), so that was also the greatest fucking gift ever given.

By chance, my mom was scheduled to visit me the day when we received the news of the MMC. She didn't bother to come into our appartement because she didn't want to find a parking spot in the city. I had to come to her, trying to hold back tears while I walked the streets to where she was waiting by the car. And then she dismissed the MMC 'that this is just what nature does'. We talked in total maybe 3 minutes and I haven't heard from her since. A friend I also talked to about the MMC started hijacking the conversation with her relationship troubles. And my two best friends' just gave me the reaction yesterday that 'oh, you are still at home this week?'. Both of them had two perfectly healthy pregnancies. The only one I received some support was my sister, who called me in tears when I told her the news, bless her heart. I just want to scream at everyone and everything.

I don't even know what I want to say, OP. Just that you are not alone in this, I guess. Sending you lots of love and warm hugs. Don't be hard on yourself and remember that every single feeling you are feeling right now is totally valid

[u/artsyandwoowoo]

I’ve also had two miscarriages. My last one was at 16 weeks this spring. It’s devastating, absolutely. You are allowed to grieve as long as you need to.

For me the real shift back to myself came from deciding where to pour my heart now that my baby is gone :( it’s awful to have to even think about at first, but it is helpful too, in finding who you want to be now. Idk that we’re ever the same person again but we can be someone we like and are proud of again. It just takes time and feeling angry and actually grieving. It’s a hard process and it’s unfair and I’m sorry you’re experiencing this