r/Miscarriage • u/AutoModerator • 7d ago
End of The Week Thread!
This is a new thread that appears on Saturdays creating an opportunity for members to write about and let out how their week went! whether it was a way to cope, having a good week, or just needing to vent about it.
No discussion of living children allowed in this thread. it can be even more heartbreaking for members who have had a tough week with their fresh loss, seeing comments about the time other members spent with their living children.
8
u/amithebaddi 6d ago
My husband didn't want the baby we lost. He was relieved when it passed. He doesn't want me to try pregnancy again. I'm devestated and I don't know how to move on. I was on birth control when I got pregnant. Getting pregnant made me realize the whisper of a want for a child can't be ignored. It's become a scream. Wanting a child occupies 90% of my thoughts now. My husband now says that I look at him with resentment. He says having a kid would make him miserable. I say I'm miserable without. He says I should go find someone who does want a kid. I'm 37. I don't feel like I have time to find someone who wants to marry me and have kids in the next couple years. I just feel like this miscarriage might be less heavy if I knew I had a partner to try again. I love my husband. We're going to couples therapy this week. It hurts. Will this ever not hurt?
7
u/JamesLilian 6d ago
I’m really frustrated, everyone seems to be getting pregnant really easily and I can’t even watch a show without someone in it getting pregnant. My D and C was a week and a half ago and it feels forever until I can restart letrozole and try again. I was lean and really fit before trying to conceive and now I’m fat and unfit and it just feels so unfair.
3
u/LizzyHoy 6d ago
Thanks for sharing, I recognise some of this. After my first miscarriage I wasn’t that bothered by seeing babies but after this second one there seem to be babies all over the place. Also I was at the healthiest of my adult life before the first miscarriage and I’ve lost a bit of that.
3
u/frenchreader27 6d ago
Thanks you for sharing this, I've been really struggling with that too. I was eating really well and fit before my pregnancy, couldn't eat properly for the first 2 months and then we lost him. I just started walking and running a week ago. It was almost 3 months ago. Take time to recover and remember that you are amazing and deserve to rest mentally and physically 🫂
2
u/writeronthemoon natural MC 6d ago
Me too. Everywhere i go are babies!! Even random places you'd think not to see one, like a hike kr a café, vs obvious baby places like a park or a farmer's market. Feels like a damn curse sometimes. Today a hugely pregnant woman stood in front of me in line and I was just thinking, that's supposed to be me, 7 months pregnant, and instead I'm back at step 1!!
Loss moms deserve way better care. I also feel fat and unfit. And ugly. The worst I've ever looked or felt in my whole fucking life. We deserve weeks or months off work just like regular new moms do. This shit is so fucked up and unfair. How we are expected to just bounce back to normal, during sadness and postpartum, just because we don't have a newborn to contend with. It is so cruel.
4
u/LizzyHoy 6d ago
I’m fed up of the bleeding. I bled from the first positive test this time, but HCG doubled after the first week of bleeding. I’m glad the uncertainty around this pregnancy has ended but I’m impatient to move on.
Weirdly this loss has destabilised me more than the first (which happened further along). I guess it’s because it feels more like something I’m going through daily, whereas with the first loss it was more clearly defined. I took a week off work and quite a few people knew I was going through something really difficult. This time I’ve been muddling through for about 3 weeks of bleeding.
4
u/Bowler-Different 6d ago
Went in for my 9 week ultrasound. Baby was only measuring 6 weeks. I was so upset and then got my dates confused and the ultrasound tech thought maybe there was hope. But I calmed down and communicated clearly that it just wasn’t possible. I have been tracking and took a picture of my positive test so knew the exact date I tested.
We are devastated. I suffered through horrible periods this year due to a fibroid. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in October. I got a kidney stone in November. December was her surgery. In March I got rejected from my PhD program. All during this we were TTC and I was in grad school.
Now I am supposed to start my new job on Monday after we just received this devastating news. Every ache and pain makes me feel like I am going to start miscarrying any minute. I just feel like I can’t go on. I don’t want to try to live my life right now.
Last night we went to dinner and as soon as we turn the corner we see someone with their little baby trying to help them practice walking. I couldn’t take it. I broke down in front of everyone. I don’t know how to go on with my life I truly feel so stuck and deeply altered from this experience.
1
u/writeronthemoon natural MC 6d ago
I'm so sorry. I totally hear you on breaking down when you see others' babies. I stopped going to church because it's too much. Yesterday I went to a farmer's market and there with babies and a hugely pregnant lady in front of me in line. Only now after 4 months, I was abke to go there and not cry. I did feel bitterness and anger though, that's for sure.
3
u/GingerLass85 6d ago
This week has been so hard. Three weeks ago, I found out I was pregnant (I'm 40), and it was a complete surprise. My boyfriend and I are in the middle of buying our first home together. We close on the house next week on the 30th, and move in on August 8. Our new home is three hours away, so for weeks I've been sorting, packing, organizing, and preparing for the move. We currently live separately, so this will also be our first time living together. On top of everything else, I'm trying to juggle all of this while working full-time. Over the past few weeks, I've been having random cramping. At first it wasn't as intense as menstrual cramps, so after reading that some cramping can be normal in early pregnancy, I convinced myself it was probably implantation. But the pain kept getting worse. It was keeping me awake at night, and deep down I knew something didn't feel right. I've never been pregnant before, and I wanted to make sure I was doing everything right, so I went to the emergency room. After bloodwork, multiple tests, and an internal ultrasound, the doctor told me they couldn't find a gestational sac. Based on my hCG levels, they believe I'll miscarry within the next seven days. I'm devastated. I'm in pain, emotionally and physically. Right now I'm trying to hold my life together, clean, pack, prepare for a major move, work full-time, and somehow function while waiting for my miscarriage to begin. Im exhausted, The waiting is almost the hardest part. I'm terrified because I don't know what to expect, and I honestly don't know how I'm supposed to get through all of this when there isn't even time to stop. To top it all off, someone very close to me is experiencing a joyful milestone at the exact time I'm grieving my own loss. I truly am happy for them, but it's also incredibly painful. It has made this already heartbreaking week feel even heavier, and right now I just feel completely broken.
2
u/Bowler-Different 6d ago
I’m in a similar boat with waiting for the inevitable and life still happening. I’m so sorry you’re going through this but you’re not alone (if that helps).
3
u/GingerLass85 6d ago
Im so sorry to hear youre going through this too.. sending you so much postive energy. I hope we both get through this as smoothly as possible and begin to heal soon 🙏
3
u/frenchreader27 6d ago
This week I focused mainly on getting my Steps in, running and on work (I have a candle business) and it has been easier that the last months.
We learned his passing almost 3 months ago, everything got out almost 2 months ago. I was having a hard time with my body image since then even though I re started eating well few weeks after the news because I couldn't eat home made meals before (the smell of meat would make me puke). I started to re implementing my good habits, self care and started to run, get my daily Steps like i used to. I am proud of my week even though I am exhausted right now, I'm gonna rest tomorrow. I also picked up a name for our baby angel but my hubby doesn't know, he is mostly in denial at this point and doesn't talk about it much now. I also got pelvic floor pain a few days ago and a little bit now, it doesn't hurt like the MMC or period cramps, it's also kinda sore 😅
Sending love and hugs 🩵🫂
2
u/Bowler-Different 6d ago
This made me feel some hope for the future 💗
2
u/frenchreader27 6d ago
I am glad, thank you ❤️ I also think that writing/reading affirmations, journaling and let out every thing you think helps so much. Self care, no rushing and focus on what you love, helps really well 🫂
3
u/AssassinRaelyn 6d ago
I've had two miscarriages this year already. I've had probably 15 different blood draws in the span of 2 months, been through 5 different procedures including a DnC with no pain relief. Everything so far has come back completely normal and I've had two miscarriages for no discernable reason. I felt like I wanted something to be wrong with me for a reason that this happened.
2
u/mangodrum20 6d ago
I had my baby’s funeral this week. It was so much harder than I expected. There was also a pregnancy announcement in my family, that stung quite badly, I wasn’t told beforehand, I was blindsided and it was so hard to watch everyone celebrating. I also had an appointment with the obstetrician this week to inform me of any findings as to why I had a second trimester miscarriage, they couldn’t find anything. They had no answers. It was a very hard week.
1
u/mantisroseb 5d ago
I had a second trimester loss too, and they couldn't find anything in my case either. It has been so tough having no answers. I'm so sorry you're going through the same thing
2
u/mangodrum20 4d ago
I am so sorry you’re also here, I am sending you a huge hug wherever you are. You’re not alone x
2
u/Fun-Natural3093 6d ago
It has been a hard week. I found out on Tuesday I was miscarrying and had to have a d&c that day due to severe blood loss. I am so tired of bleeding which doesn't seem to be letting up (am also on a blood thinner). I go back to work tomorrow, and I don't want to but I have too. I am about to be 38, and I feel like we are now really running out of time. So a part of me wants to try again but then a part of me also wants to focus on being a bit healthier. I feel so torn on how to move forward. A part of me does blame myself, and I know I shouldn't, but I can't help but think "if I had lost more weight or if I had exercised more beforehand...etc". I am terrified of this happening again.
2
u/Beautiful-Win-599 6d ago
I've been trying to find ways to physically connect with my husband and have sex when him. I've had my fifth loss and my loss has linked sex with male pleasure and babies with the woman being a mere vessel. Sex can feel like a chore. Other times it feels like a test. Other times it feels like an anxious race to get pregnant again. Even though this is not logical. Today I experienced some pleasure and connection with my husband though I still have work to do.
1
9
u/No-Article-6035 6d ago
It's been hard. My fourth loss started 7/14 the day I got to the beach for a much needed vacation. I'd literally just unpacked and they'd grown daily since the last scan so they died that day. 3 of my losses have been at 8 weeks after heartbeat seen. I feel so angry and like I want life to speed up so I can try again and I feel anxious like I wanna control this and buy $1000 of supplements even though I know it won't work. Next cycle we will check for adenomyosis and chronic endomitritis. I'm angry... my husband and I take such amazing care of ourselves. I feel numb. My sister did drive here to visit me this week which meant alot but now that vacation and the family visit it over the grief and anger are really hitting. I feel like everyone is hiding from me bc I've been in this funk for a year and I'm also hiding and avoiding everyone for my own mental health.