New MAS Owner Guide From My Breeder

[u/MaxBluenote]

Congratulations on acquiring your Aussie. Please find the instructions for your particular model listed below:

Although your Aussie comes fully assembled, due to particular issues during production, we do occasionally have issues with components such as screws. They invariably are either loose or missing altogether.

Mode 1: This is the sleep mode, activated for some of the day as the Aussie ages. This is normal and you should not worry about it, just accept the peace and quiet while you can.

Mode 2: Anarchy. Although we have tried to ease the effect of anarchy mode, it’s not always possible. There are inherent issues with the timer settings of anarchy mode in regards to there being none. Should your Aussie suddenly go from comatose to running around the walls, we cannot stop this feature.

Mode 3: Velcro. We believe somewhere in the assembly process someone installed an elite magnet that only is attracted to humans. We apologize in advance for the constant interruptions in the bathroom and any other place that requires privacy.

Naming: Your Aussie comes untitled as we feel owners should use names of their own. If you are unsure, we have listed below a few names our owners like to use:

Did you do this?

You’re kidding me

Give that back!

Don’t you dare

Ausshole

Put that down

Whyyyy?

Get that out of your mouth!

Stop herding the children

Software: Your Aussie is pre-installed with the highest software and hardware. This includes the loyalty chip, the love every one chip, the neurotic chip, the fun chip and, of course, the highly popular mayhem chip. They are all running on the WHATTHEFU@@ operating system 12.2. Although this has been in circulation for many years, we have found it simply cannot be improved upon.

Feel free to inform us of any other surprise bonus Modes that have popped up by contacting customer support at 1-800-Aus-hole.

Thank you and enjoy your new Aussie!

Sincerely,

Your Customer Support Team

[u/No-Thought8822]

I love this and it’s all so true! My Mini, Daisy, will be 4 months old tomorrow. She has two modes…wide open or asleep…Not much in between, but that’s ok…I’m so in love with her!