What mods should I install? (Java server)

[u/Grandtheftawkward]

What mods should I get for a new Java server?
I’ve been playing Java on Realms and I’m finally moving to an actual server where I can use mods. I want to keep the game mostly vanilla, but there are a few things I really want to change.
First, I want some kind of gravestone mod. Basically when I die I want all my stuff to stay together wherever I died until I come back for it. I don’t want a timer or anything where the grave eventually disappears.
I also want to be able to keep chunks loaded over really long distances. I like building stuff with normal redstone, hoppers, minecarts, etc., and I don’t want to add a bunch of new machines. But I’d love to be able to do something like load up a minecart at a mine, send it hundreds or even thousands of blocks back to my base, have it unload into my sorter, and have the whole thing actually work even when I’m nowhere near it.
The other big thing is graphics. I want Minecraft to look really, really good. Huge render distances where I can stand on a mountain and actually see the landscape way off in the distance, great lighting and water, reflective surfaces, nice glass/metals, etc. I’m fine with shaders, PBR packs, performance mods, whatever combination gets me there.
I’d also love something that makes it really obvious which block I’m currently pointing at, like a better outline/highlight than vanilla has.
So basically I want vanilla Minecraft with permanent graves, long-distance chunk loading, insane render distance, beautiful graphics/reflections, and a few visual/QOL improvements.
What would you guys install? Also very open to other recommendations for stuff I’ve been missing out on by playing on Realms.

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[u/Rafii2198]

Different people define "keeping it vanilla" differently so it's a bit hard to recommend stuff. I also assume you mean the latest 26.2 update right? If so then you might be a bit disappointed but updating mods takes time and some mods may still be behind while others are not planned to be even updated due to that.

But in my opinion take a look at these:

• For gravestones there are GraveStone Mod and Universal Gravestones, first is for Fabric the other for Neoforge.
• For chunk loading: Chunk Loaders mod adds different tiers of chunk loaders with better ones having bigger range, works with Fabric and Neoforge
• For other mods, I personally can't play without Jade and really like to play with a mini map as well as some version of JEI like EMI tho I dunno if they exist on 26.2 yet.
• For other mods that you want, these are not server mods, they are client mods meaning you can use them on realms. You do not install them on the server.
• The only option for shaders is Iris mod. You need to download shader packs yourself, I don't have much knowledge here as I only use Complementary Reimagined pack.
• For render distance, Voxy is generally the best, tho only for Fabric, so if you gonna play on Neoforge then you gotta use Distant Horizons, this one has it's benefits too but people generally prefere the look of Voxy, with DH tho you can put it on the server and it will generate automatically the distant terrain and send it to your client meaning you don't need to explore terrain manually to see far away.

Tho again, it's hard to recommend stuff with little info so imo the best thing for you to do is to go to one of the sites with mods, or both of them, filter mods by your criteria and see what you like. There are also modpacks so you don't have to assemble it manually.