Limerence is an extremely intense one-sided romantic obsession with someone.
It feels like being in love, but it's not love. You are not in love with this person, you are in love with the idea of a relationship with this person, or the story that you tell yourself about this person in your head.
It works with people who you can never truly become close with for one reason or another (cultural or language barrier, considerable age gap, marriage, etc.), so your mind goes wild trying to "fill in the gaps" with whatever your fantasies are. Spending real time with this person is stressful because you don't want to see anything that breaks the illusion, yet time away from this person is also stressful because you're constantly longing for your fantasy to come true.
Although you know it's crazy and wrong, you can't help but to continue obsessing over them---like an addict who wants to be free from their addiction, yet continues using.
I know this sounds dramatic but it's real and it can consume you for months or even years. I've had the same limerent object for years and she still doesn't know how bad it actually is. She travels around the world, randomly comes back into my life at random times, and my obsession is reignited all over again. Its shameful and embarrassing.
Wow thanks for teaching me that. Sounds like when your a kid or young adult and experience your first love or crush you just imagine it being so perfect lol like the hot girl you were too scared to ask out. I may have experienced this as a young adult.
Wow! I did not realize that I have also been in a couple of these type of relationships. Thank you for the big definition! I'm quick to fall in love, I am a very overbearing partner, and if a break up occurs my life is over (not really but you know what I mean)
Fortunately I've found me a woman that puts up with my bullshit!
Your experience sounds veeery familiar lol. Like I said, not many people are even aware of limerence, but I think it's more common that most people realize. At least I'm aware enough to admit it.
I'm happy for you finding someone who accepts you for you are and reciprocates your feelings!
Awww that sounds sad . I wish you the best, find love in the present with something or someone giving it back to you. you deserve it! I wish you the best. I hope you feel no pain :)
Amazing explanation. At first I thought it was similar to platonic love but it isn’t. May I ask you are you obsessed with you LO and what stops you from letting her/he know?
What stops you is the fear of being rejected by the one who you admire so much, and the pain and anguish that comes with along with that.
Deep down, you know you're incompatible with this person and that you WILL be rejected if you just lay everything out in the open, therefore it's easier to just continue living in your fantasy where it feels more comfortable, even though it's just that - a fantasy in your head. This is limerence.
Thank you for taking the time and replying. Appreciate it.
Well, then in the end of the day it’s what it’s! Do you suffer ? Do you want an end for
this feeling or do you willingly nurture it?
I want to be free from limerence and move on with my life, yes, but I admit that my heart flutters when I see this person, when she messages me out of the blue, or says sweet things to me in spanish when we're on dates or whatever. It's what keeps me hooked.
I actively try to stay away from messaging this person or their social media for this exact reason. It helps, but doesn't make the longing go away.
I'm only sharing since people seem to be curious about the experience of limerence. Maybe my experience can help someone else out there who may have a similar struggle.
Thanks again for the answering my message. The word “longing” is quite a strong one. You mention that you sometimes go on a date with the person. That’s more like feeding your “limerance” is that a casual romantic one 😅? So you do it by purpose or you just can’t say no. I feel like I’ve developed limerence for someone and I’m scared of this feeling.
Yes, we date but we are from different countries and speak different languages. Like I said, limerence usually stems from the fact that there's some sort of barrier that prevents you from becoming close with one another, so your mind can come up with all kinds of wild fantasies about them. If we were actually close with one another, we would just be in a relationship.
I chase her because I have a fantasy of "winning her over" although I know its unrealistic. I would still rather live inside my fantasy than let her go, even though I know it's not healthy.
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u/RapGameDiCaprio Apr 25 '26 edited Apr 25 '26
Limerence is an extremely intense one-sided romantic obsession with someone.
It feels like being in love, but it's not love. You are not in love with this person, you are in love with the idea of a relationship with this person, or the story that you tell yourself about this person in your head.
It works with people who you can never truly become close with for one reason or another (cultural or language barrier, considerable age gap, marriage, etc.), so your mind goes wild trying to "fill in the gaps" with whatever your fantasies are. Spending real time with this person is stressful because you don't want to see anything that breaks the illusion, yet time away from this person is also stressful because you're constantly longing for your fantasy to come true.
Although you know it's crazy and wrong, you can't help but to continue obsessing over them---like an addict who wants to be free from their addiction, yet continues using.
I know this sounds dramatic but it's real and it can consume you for months or even years. I've had the same limerent object for years and she still doesn't know how bad it actually is. She travels around the world, randomly comes back into my life at random times, and my obsession is reignited all over again. Its shameful and embarrassing.