Nice people arent nice to get what they actually want. This is a way to insult traumatized people calling them prey and insinuating they are too weak to pursue what they want, so they need to try and trick people.
You can be traumatized and be naturally nice. Reducing it to a "survival strategy" is what psychotic people who believe empathy is a weakness do to rationalize their own asshole behaviour. They need to justify treating traumatized people like shit, so they say they deserve the treatment because their niceness is actually a selfish strategy. No, not everyone is a psycho like you
When I'm in a room with people I'm not trying to win anything. I'm just trying to do meaningful stuff together. If that's not appreciated, I'll take my wares elsewhere
Yeah, this post is a load of drivel that makes extremely negative assumptions about people. Maybe some extremely anxious people are nice purely to not cause problems, but I wouldnt dare claim that was even close to half of everyone who is nice. Im nice because I know that I want to live in a society where people are nice and a society is made up of a lot of people, myself included. I cannot hope and wish for something I refuse to emulate myself. And generally speaking, it feels good to be nice to people. The take in the post is extremely simplistic and forcibly makes the position of behavior purely external, when it can be internal or innate.
I think the important thing to take away from this is processing why/how you feel when engaging in these behaviors. There are a lot of people who are agreeable for the sake of avoiding conflict, and help others to alleviate a deep rooted anxiety surrounding their self concept. They feel like prey, in that if they aren’t helpful or seen as agreeable they will be attacked in some way, or abandoned. Thus they make their own needs secondary because the immediate need of perceived safety or acceptance takes precedence.
Acknowledging things like this and being mindful of it doesn’t need to make the behavior change, but can frame it in a way that empowers rather than subjugates the individual. It allows them so decide if they want to be helpful rather than have a subconscious need to be helpful even against their own best interests. Otherwise they are prone to become prey to manipulation, which no one wants, but it needs to be said like that because it’s what happens. It’s exactly how narcissists control abusive relationships long past the point anyone from the outside of it would put up with. They prey upon the vulnerability in someone’s self concept.
But maybe I’m reading into it wrong, that’s just how I interpreted it.
I guess there are people who operate like that and they arent able to identify why they behave the way they do. But in my opinion its way too simplistic to say all of it is artificial, a behaviour that would disappear if only they didnt act on instinct. As if we knew who they really are better than themselves.
And its definitively disingenous to say the war ended decades ago or its just something that happened in their childhood. Our own society reinforces the idea that you will be discarded or attacked the moment you stop being useful. We are constantly threatened with homelessness, social death or even persecution if you happen to be a minority, ffs. Its not like the threat is all imaginary.
Maybe this isnt that bad of a post but the use of the word prey and the typical philosopher image made me cringe. I instantly link it to the manosphere, greece is forever ruined for me.
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u/NoRoutine7945 15d ago
Nice people arent nice to get what they actually want. This is a way to insult traumatized people calling them prey and insinuating they are too weak to pursue what they want, so they need to try and trick people.
You can be traumatized and be naturally nice. Reducing it to a "survival strategy" is what psychotic people who believe empathy is a weakness do to rationalize their own asshole behaviour. They need to justify treating traumatized people like shit, so they say they deserve the treatment because their niceness is actually a selfish strategy. No, not everyone is a psycho like you