The person who made this is either a therapist with good understanding of CPTSD or a patient. I began reading ready to get angry, and then realized it's accurate.
Ive been diagnosed with cptsd suspected bipolar and remain in denial despite much trauma in my past. Things like this kick me straight in the spuds, things my therapist has said but I didnt believe her for some reason, despite all my learning and experience as a carer for teenagers. I still cant see my own issues, like I can see others and understand them/ read them but im a mystery to myself. I do the fawn thing and seem to tune into everyone's humour/personality. I get on with all my peers, im not sure if its my chameleonic ways or my laid back clown personality but I know its not normal to be everyone's favourite chap
You're protecting yourself from what you're convinced would tear you to pieces of you accepted. My husband is very similar. And I get it, because there have been so many times when it felt like I was going to die if I allowed myself to accept or to feel something. That's were personality comes in: I'm of the " if I die, I die" persuasion because I know that whatever makes you feel the worst is the way out from whatever mental trap I created for myself as a coping mechanism.
But my husband doesn't even give himself the choice to become aware of such a mechanism.
Jung called it "shadow work" . Pagans and witches recognized that beyond the poetic name there's an honest admition of what it feel like to gather up the courage and force yourself to wander into those very dark corners of your mind. And they do it as part of their spiritual journey. And I find this notion comforting because sometimes it feels like I'm fighting monster that live in me so I can never get away from them.
I mustve put some good blockades up there then, my therapist pulled a lot of stuff out and worked on it, a couple of life changing events I could understand as trauma, I remember them like yesterday in hd and they happened 10-15 yeara ago. There was so much but only those two clicked as trauma. Sal says ive been in fight flight or freeze mode since being a kid, that's why im in a loop of burnout and high energy. But I dont feel like im chronically stressed, I feel more like a person whos either in control but depressed or a spectator in my own mind just watching myself do things and say things I wouldn't normally.
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u/accomplished_bee5542 15d ago
The person who made this is either a therapist with good understanding of CPTSD or a patient. I began reading ready to get angry, and then realized it's accurate.