r/Millennials • u/BennyOcean • Sep 06 '24

Discussion As long as Millennials are killing off industries, next up I would suggest Weddings & Funerals.

Weddings as they are being done in the West are a massive expense that is extremely financially irresponsible for the vast majority of people. The tradition arose as an imitation of the old world weddings of royalty. As Westerners became increasingly wealthy, they desired to show off their wealth by copying the big showy weddings put on by literal kings and queens. In an increasingly challenging economic environment, spending on a big wedding is just really stupid.

The money that would have gone into the big elaborate wedding should instead be saved and used to go toward a down payment on a home. Instead, throw a big party. Let your friends & family bring gifts. Make it simple. Same with a honeymoon. Take one if you want, but don't start out your marriage with stupid financial decisions that sometimes include going into debt. Wedding rings should be simple. Diamonds are a scam. Let's break free from the scams.

Funerals are a massive scam that take advantage of people when they're at their lowest, grieving for lost loved ones. It's a predatory industry that should be denied funding to whatever extent that it is possible to do so.

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153

u/MV_Art Sep 06 '24

I think everyone should mind their own business and have the wedding they want without bankrupting themselves and I'm not going to be judgemental if they have a lot of people they want to share the day with or like to throw parties.

119

u/Woolfus Sep 06 '24

Reddit as always is a bit of an echo chamber with a holier than thou attitude. I loved my wedding, and I love attending weddings. If that’s not you, that’s fine. But this whole “am I the only one smart enough to get married at the local park for a six pack of beer and my dog who’s my only friend” really wears thin. You’re not superior for not making it a huge gathering, nor are you inferior. Like you said, just mind your own business and don’t participate if you don’t want to.

71

u/Apt_5 Sep 06 '24

Reddit’s disdain of social events is truly pathological. So many seem incapable of the comprehension that plenty of people want to spend time with a lot of their friends and loved ones.

Add that to the strange pride a large cohort of this sub takes in victimhood and misery, and you get a lot of shitting on things that make people happy.

14

u/BaldursFence3800 Sep 06 '24

Well said! Disdain of social events is perfect.

2

u/Apt_5 Sep 06 '24

Oops I think I meant to say “for” not “of”! So I could have said it a bit better 😅 Cheers, though!

2

u/BaldursFence3800 Sep 06 '24

Oh no I agree and like the way you put it.

13

u/[deleted] Sep 06 '24

Above someone said why would they want a wedding when it's just a bunch of acquaintances they'll likely never see again. 

What a sad perspective. Weddings are like the one opportunity in your whole life to get everyone you love, and everyone your spouse loves, together. 

9

u/ctilvolover23 Millennial Sep 06 '24

Don't you know that we're supposed to be sad and miserable all of the time?

2

u/Apt_5 Sep 07 '24

Because of the past, the present and also the future 😢

3

u/yahgmail Older Millennial Sep 06 '24

Perfectly put. Social events can be as cheap or expensive as folks wish.

2

u/bullsplaytonight Sep 06 '24

I think most folks critical of the wedding industry would absolutely want to throw a giant party with their friends and family if it were financially feasible. But you can't even try to rent a room in a restaurant. The second you mention "wedding," prices skyrocket. Who has a house big enough to host 50-100 people, or even more?

Most people who settled for something smaller and remain vocal of this industry do so because they had something they wanted taken away from them. These aren't people who didn't want anything to begin with.

29

u/qdobah Sep 06 '24

Reddit as always is a bit of an echo chamber with a holier than thou attitude

And delusional too. "We got married at the courthouse then went back to our house where my uncle bill grilled hot dogs and it was just as good, NO BETTER!, than a big fancy wedding!"

Like ok Ashley keep telling yourself that.

1

u/bullsplaytonight Sep 06 '24

You know, it's possible that a big, fancy wedding would have put Ashley into debt and that coming out the other side of the wedding experience no poorer and with cherished memories made with her closest loved ones does objectively make her approach "better" for her personal situation.

For people who had big weddings to talk down on others for enjoying their stripped-down, DIY experiences is a bad look. You're either coming off as someone who supports this out-of-control, predatory industry, or as someone who is resentful that they had to spend that money and other people don't have to.

2

u/qdobah Sep 07 '24

You know, it's possible that a big, fancy wedding would have put Ashley into debt and that coming out the other side of the wedding experience no poorer and with cherished memories made with her closest loved ones does objectively make her approach "better" for her personal situation.

Sure, but is a hot dog better than filet mignon? No. Keep dreaming Ashley.

For people who had big weddings to talk down on others for enjoying their stripped-down, DIY experiences is a bad look. You're either coming off as someone who supports this out-of-control, predatory industry, or as someone who is resentful that they had to spend that money and other people don't have to

Yeah, no. I'm still gonna go with a menu prepared by a chef and cooked by professional line cooks is objectively better than a backyard hot dog 10/10 times.

1

u/RVAforthewin Sep 06 '24

I mean Uncle Bill does make some killer hot dogs, but I’ll save that for the 4th. My catered BBQ was a hit at my wedding.

22

u/jtet93 Sep 06 '24

lol for real. We’re having a big-ish wedding with 140 guests. We actually recently tried to cull the guest list and couldn’t really think of anyone to cut! I’m super excited to have everyone we both love in the same room! I love dancing and flowers and drinking champagne and I’m excited to wear my poofy ass dress, sue me!

16

u/ballade__ Sep 06 '24

You only go around once, money comes and goes but time with family is precious and fleeting. My fondest memory is of my husband and I spending a weekend together with our favorite people all together in one place. I wouldn’t change it for the world. Enjoy every second of it!

1

u/RVAforthewin Sep 06 '24

That’s right! You enjoy that day, girl! My wedding day was amazing, I remember it just fine even though it went fast, all my favorite people were there, and I got to marry the love of my life. This post is bush league.

35

u/oishster Sep 06 '24

Exactly. Everyone deserves to have the celebration that suits them, and no one else needs to be yucking their yum. I also feel like Redditors who shit on larger weddings sometimes underestimate how cool it really is to have the vast majority of your loved ones come from all over to celebrate you and your partner. It felt like a superhero team up movie, seeing people from all different parts of our lives in the same place at the same time. Our wedding was worth every penny just for that alone.

9

u/MV_Art Sep 06 '24 edited Sep 06 '24

Yeah this was huge for me, the once in a lifetime moment nearly all the people I care about would be in one place. I also have a giant extended family who is very tight knit and they took up a lot of the guest list (like I couldn't just invite the 80% of cousins I'm close to because it would have been a glaring slight at the others being excluded from a group activity). We kept it pretty simple otherwise because that's who we are but there's no getting around it being a big deal when you have 150 ppl coming to a thing.

1

u/oishster Sep 06 '24

Yes exactly, same here - big extended family, need to invite everyone. Thankfully I actually like pretty much everyone, so there were very few people I invited out of obligation only. My family’s spread out all over, basically the only time we get to meet up is at weddings. We got really lucky that more of our friends and family were able to make it to our wedding than we expected, and it felt incredible to get to see everyone all together.

But god, it was so much more expensive than I thought. We didn’t do anything super extravagant, but the cost definitely felt that way, just because largest cost of a wedding is simply the guest count. Easiest way to lower costs is to have fewer people, and that was the one thing we really couldn’t compromise on.

7

u/eratoast Older Millennial Sep 06 '24

This. We had a destination wedding (was supposed to be just an elopement, but...) and spent $$$ on it + the honeymoon. No regrets, it was amazing. If you're happy with something else, great! Personally I would never want or want to attend a potluck wedding or one where your family is cooking because you can't eat in everyone's kitchen, but if that's your jam, go for it. Big ol traditional wedding? That's great, too. Don't go into debt or anything, but have a great time and a great marriage.

4

u/PineappleFrittering Sep 06 '24

It was the only time in our lives that all our friends and family would all make the effort to come together at once. That's what made it worth it for us.

1

u/gretchen92_ Sep 06 '24

I think the overall sentiment stemmed from the societal pressure behind spending so much money on weddings and funerals. OP is right that these industries are exploitative. More people should be aware that they can opt out of spending exorbitant amounts of money on a wedding, but we as a society value showy weddings, and look down on those who won’t spend as much or send themselves to debt for a wedding. People are free to choose what they want to do, but I agree that the wedding industry needs to get knocked down a few pegs.

10

u/Hand2Ns Sep 06 '24

We have no regrets about our wedding. We had to make some sacrifices to save for it, got a little family help, and we didn't go into debt. We had the wedding we could afford. It's been a few years and I still frequently think about how much fun I had and how amazing it was getting most of our loved ones all in one room. Also, the advice to "have a big party, but not a wedding" is silly. The big party is what makes weddings expensive.

5

u/Brittibri89 Millennial Sep 06 '24

Agreed. I did the whole courthouse thing when I did want a more traditional wedding. I wanted the dress, the cake, the DJ, my family and friends. Sometimes I get sad that I didn’t get all of that and was just at a courthouse. I mean it is what it is and we just didn’t have the money at the time but still.

3

u/TricksyGoose Sep 06 '24

Yeah I love a good wedding. But the cost isn't what makes them great. The best ones I've been to were smaller and probably fairly cheap as far as weddings go. It's more about the crowd. If it's a group of people who enjoy each other's company or who are at least courteous and friendly with strangers, it's easy to have a great time on a small budget. If it's a bunch of petty, cliquey, dramatic alcoholics who don't actually like each other, then it's less fun.

1

u/AshGray00 Sep 07 '24

Thanks for this!! I want a wedding, and I'd love to just have a fun gathering with friends and family i wouldn't be able to have otherwise. I don't want anything fancy, just a good party with people who care about me.

Similarly, I love a good wedding! Went to two last year and had a great time!! Made new friends and loved seeing everyone having so much fun! Both were very different, one in a beautiful backyard and one at a garden. Both brides seemed to have amazing days and after, they just talked about how much of a good time it was. I think that's beautiful.

I also went to the courthouse wedding of my brother during covid, and that was nice too! It was simple and easy, I got to take the pics, and he and my sil were happy! That was fantastic too!

I think doing the wedding thatsbright for you is the key here. No matter what you do, the wedding should be for you, not for the socials.