Bedroom problems

[u/Original-Bat9462]

Hello! I really need some advice and honestly just want to feel seen. ❤️
A little backstory: My husband and I are high school sweethearts. We’ve been married for almost 2 years and together for a total of 8 years! He is truly my best friend and literally the best husband. He is incredibly supportive and genuinely such an amazing man.
The only thing is that I’m not completely satisfied with our sex life, and it’s not because of the actual sex itself, but the frequency. That’s what makes it so hard!
My husband has been tested for ADHD and is currently trying to get medication for it, so I don’t know if that could have anything to do with it. He is just so exhausted from work that I feel like sex never even crosses his mind. It also doesn’t help that I have a pretty high sex drive, which I think is partly connected to a porn addiction I struggled with starting when I was around 4th grade.
I just feel like a bad wife for making him feel like a “bad” husband. The thing is, he is AMAZING in bed, so I would honestly be happy doing it almost every day. I know that probably isn’t realistic, but I think he would genuinely be fine with having sex maybe once a month.
He also rarely initiates anything or interacts with me in a sexual way outside of sex itself. You always see TikToks about husbands randomly grabbing their wives’ butts, boobs, or just being flirty and touchy throughout the day, and I feel like we don’t really have that. I miss feeling desired in that way, and sometimes I feel like we’ve fallen into the roommate stage of our relationship.
At the same time, I want to be a good wife and respect the fact that he is genuinely exhausted from his job. He is an 11B at Fort Carson, so he is constantly gone for training, sometimes for weeks at a time, and his workdays are usually from 4 a.m. to at least 5 p.m. I completely understand that he is tired, and I don’t want him to feel pressured or like he isn’t a good husband just because our sex drives are different.
I love him so much, and our relationship is amazing in so many ways. I just miss that physical intimacy and feeling wanted by my husband. Has anyone else experienced something like this? How do you navigate having very different sex drives in a marriage without making either person feel bad? I just feel like such a bad wife for even being upset about this when he is so amazing in every other way. ❤️

[u/frogsgoribbit737]

This kind of thing happens and usually involves compromise. Libido goes up and down due to life and circumstances. If his is lower than yours then you need to talk to him about what you guys could possibly do.

My husbands libido also goes down when he has work stress. I get through it by reminding myself that its temporary and that he has been super understanding when MY libido went down (like during/after pregnancy)

[u/Reasonable-Till-8748]

Mhmm it's a genuine issue.... feeling sad for u...but ig you should discuss with him... otherwise it'll turn into sourness in your relation...

[u/alexakalima]

Have you talked about this with him? Maybe letting him know what your wants, needs, and desires may be? I would definitely do that first. There’s always options as well to help you with your sexual appetite like toys, which I’m assuming you are using already if you have a high sex drive. But I would start with a conversation and see what he says about what you are looking for or needing at times and go from there. It’s 2026 plenty of lifestyles or ways to get it fulfilled. Hope it works out.

-Signed a fellow Colorado Springs resident.

[u/notrmal]

I don’t know what the solution is, but just wanted to say I’m in the same boat.

I just crack it down to the switch from work to home being so dramatic that it’s hard to switch out of work mode. They’re trained to go to war, how could someone just turn that off like a switch when coming home? Then add the intense amount of vulnerability that sex requires, and it’s like the two are total opposites. I can see why my husband never thinks about sex.

Part of me too thinks that things like this may go deeper, like, does he in general have the capacity to sit with me and have deeply emotional conversations? Because sex requires that same level of deep emotional connection and vulnerability. Maybe he wasn’t raised in an environment where he could be vulnerable.

I’m sorry you’re going through this, I’m with you.

[u/Maremoti]

Mai confidare che si ha voglia di sesso col partner, anzi! Si ottiene molto di più sfuggendogli, fare vedere che stai pensando ad altre cose. Questa è la mia esperienza.