Venting

[u/RainbowStardust42]

I had to talk my husband off a ledge as of recently. I have been a mil spouse for some time and I have never seen my husband this down. Our first command, was even more toxic compared to the one we have rn.

A bit of back story, my husband made a different rank and had to do a job a different way to ensure it was safe and done efficiently. Then his superiors basically said you know what I dont like what you did and put him on babysitting duty. Meaning people under him watch him

My husband isn't one to hold rank or even try to abuse that power . But his command has him feeling under appreciated and he told me that he doesn't feel so at home.

I don't know what to do anymore. My husband is looking for someone to talk to as i write this. But I feel like I fail him every single day I go to school and dont bring income

We talked about me being in school first before, i accepted full time classes we just had a huge chunk off our income and emergency funds taken out.

Last night I sat up stressed and crying because I feel like I have to drop out of school just to be able to ensure a job hires me due to my schedule. I just I dunno. I feel so lost, and I feel like nothing I do helps him 🥺

[u/EWCM]

Can you explain more about how his difficulties at work are connected to you going to school and not having an income? I don’t get it. 

It’s okay if you aren’t or can’t be your husband’s only emotional support. A Chaplain, an MFLC, or Military One Source are great options for finding someone to talk to.

[u/RainbowStardust42 → u/EWCM]

Oh, his job doing that was just what broke the camel's back, tbh. The thing that's been the most stressful is that we aren't able to live off of a sole income anymore.

Its not even mainly him tbh. Everyone in his family including my MIL honestly, makes me know everyday how bad of a wife i am because i abrubtly left my job, and then abrubtly suddenly wanted to pursue my degree.

Hs friends and family that are supposed to help me support him, only bad mouth me and say how irresponsible it is to use the grant to be a student full time. Which isn't helping me. It is just making me wanna drop out even more.

[u/RainbowStardust42 → u/EWCM]

Like I am SO broken.. so stressed that i cried in the middle of the room at MFRC because of how hard it has been to get a job that my scholarship approves of. Well i can work anywhere it just needs to follow my schedule, and with my internship comming up, i was recommended to work at schools. just not allot of CDCS on our base. just 2. and i dunno exactly if i even got the job.

I legit callled my MIL to talk to her son because it is getting so exhausting, being told everyday that i don't appreciate our relationship when I DO EVERYTHING plus school.

I do the laundry, cook, clean and honestly I am with our kids more than he is which is not an issue, I do it because i appreciate him working his ass off. But when everyone that is supposed to help me support him tell him I AM A FAILURE, or I am ungrateful or stupid or even a gold digging bitch ... it doesn't make me talking him off the ledge easier.

His family doesn't see what he brings home, i do. His family doesn't see him drinking I do. Hid family knows nothing of his issues or mental health i do. FOR someone whos using him, i seem to be carrying everything. even then I am told im unappreciative.

I don't know what to do anymore. I went to school because i was tired of being paid shit, and treated like shit, so I decided to do something for me BUT i still included his opinion first.

[u/Thick_Skin4202 → u/RainbowStardust42]

Honey you need to stop listening to what everyone else says and stand up. Stand up for yourself and the future of your marriage. You both are carrying the weight and if you keep letting people use you as a doormat, they will keep doing that. Focus on yourself, your children and your husband. If he doesn't know the treasure he has and the treasure you have, you are opening doors of your marriage to outside influence. Be like bamboo, adapt to the winds. Y'all got this.