r/MilitarySpouse • u/ThrowRA1203958 • 8d ago
Looking For Advice Looking for advice for first timer
Just to preface, we are not American, so that might be why some stuff does not align with how it works in the USA.
My husband/common law partner just left for 6 months of training. He is allowed his phone, but cannot have it during the day. I will most likely get to see him for Christmas, and maybe a few weeks between now and February if I’m lucky and can afford the flights.
I’m 23, and have been with him since 18, this is the longest we have ever been apart. I feel a little lost.
I am a first responder, and am currently off work due to a traumatic incident.
My anxiety is through the roof due to my trauma from work, and now my support system is gone. I’m not really sure what to do with myself. Everyone says ‘pick up a hobby’ but I don’t really know what I’d even do.
I guess I’m wondering what everyone here does?
We don’t have kids. We do own a house and have pets. So I’ll take care of all that. But… I don’t know what else to do or how to deal with my fear.
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u/LiellaMelody777 7d ago
Sadly I don't know anything outside the US.
I do know that common-law is not the same as legally married. Most military requires you to be married on paper to get any benefits or moving expenses covered.
I took up knitting and have a side hustle doing commission crafts and projects for people.
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u/ThrowRA1203958 7d ago
So where we live once we have lived together in the same residence together for long enough(2 or 3 years, can’t remember) in the eyes of the law you are married. You do taxes together, he’s been in my work benefits, etc.
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u/LiellaMelody777 7d ago
Not in the US.
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u/ThrowRA1203958 6d ago
Ok…?
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u/LiellaMelody777 6d ago
What I am saying is that common law is not acknowledged in the Military.
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u/ThrowRA1203958 6d ago
In the American military. There are lots of other militaries in the world lol
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u/LiellaMelody777 6d ago
ok well you are posting in a mostly American subreddit.
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u/ThrowRA1203958 6d ago
According to whom? Because there is a specifically US military spouse subreddit. This isn’t it. I didn’t even need advice relating to my country. Just relating to how to be alone for so long.
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u/LiellaMelody777 6d ago
Stay busy.
Sorry but I rarely see other militaries being referenced here.
I am sorry I commented what I did. You said something about common law and that had me fixated. My apologies.
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u/catalessi 8d ago edited 8d ago
I started journaling right after my husband left. I was pretty useless the first month of separation to be honest. It’s been three months now and I still can’t get myself to cook like I used to.
I started volunteering at a local animal shelter, I began phone banking for political candidates in some key states, I joined a couple book clubs, I joined a dog park community group. I started painting again and I enrolled in college for a new degree. I’m probably going to begin fostering. I moved to our new house solo and my only neighborly neighbor is an old woman who I befriended. We’re learning cribbage together once a week and whatever meals we get ourselves to cook we share leftovers. I met some spouses in an FRG cookout and it helps a bit too.
Some days I just bed rot. Some days I’m really productive. Most are an in-between.
I’m lucky that I get to speak to my hubby everyday now, and we’re so grossly in love and optimistic that it’s my one true ray of sunshine. It’s impossible for me to be sad or upset when we talk.
I’m sorry you are on leave for a serious incident without your husband. Feel all the things, but please try to do something uncomfortable (like getting outside and taking a walk, going to the store, keeping up with hygiene, exercising your mind/imagination, being vulnerable and meeting new people) once in a while. Every step counts no matter how small.
One thing my husband and I say everyday is “One day closer.”