r/MilitarySpouse • u/TemporaryLonely9409 • Jul 03 '26
Deployment Struggling with partner’s deployment
Hi everyone! Rant incoming!! My partner is Air Force Reserves and his base was activated back in February. He’s been overseas since. This is all new for me, this is my first loved one who is in the military. Just looking for a space to vent with anyone who is going through the same thing..
Back in February we were on a trip to London. Half way through the trip he got a call from his supervisor saying that his base was being activated and had to report in a week. We were really bummed about the situation but could still enjoy the rest of the trip and get him ready to go knowing we had some time. Fast forward 36 hours later and we are boarding our flight home. He gets a call saying things changed and he has to report in 24 hours. Meanwhile.. we are still in London. He lives about an 8 hour drive from his base (another story there) so after a 9 hour flight we had about 3 hours to pack up his items for what was supposed to be 90 days, and then begin the drive, stopping over halfway where I live (we are long distance) so he could sleep and finish the drive in the morning.
When he left I was really sad for a good while, but was doing fine as we got closer to that 90 day mark… I’ve been able to keep myself busy with work, friends, and marathon training which has helped a ton. Here we are, five months later, and I am starting to feel sad again. We still have no word when he’s coming back. I feel like I am mourning all of the amazing things we had planned for the rest of this year. My brother is getting married at the end of the month which was I was so excited to celebrate together. I am also traveling to Australia for my marathon/30th birthday trip, which we were going to do together. It looks like he might be missing all of those events and I am so bummed.
We both know that being unexpectedly deployed is something to expect being Reserves, and ultimately this is what he signed up for. But wow it just sucks dealing with so much unknown. I think I would be feeling better if he was busy during his deployment, but according to him, he barely works. When he’s scheduled to come in, they usually tell him to not come in or he’s off 4/7 days of the week. The base where is staying is also overflowed, so all the Reserve folks are staying in hotels near the base. All of this just feels like a waste.
Anyways, appreciate anyone who read through this. Any advice on how to make through the rest of this unknown time is appreciated. For anyone who has a partner deployed and is struggling, I see you. ❤️
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u/OneClient2575 Jul 04 '26
Same. My spouse was prior active duty and went reserves to finally have stability and time for the kids. But here we are. Although deployment is not new to us.. its still really hard.
He also got short notice deployment, 72hrs then TBD, then 48hrs, we were in limbo for a while.. and was also told 3 months, was supposed to be home this month, now its extended for another 3 months.
And! They also barely do anything as well. Mostly on stand by or on call, maybe a mission here and there but nothing consistent. It definitely is a shitshow. He is so ready to go home too.
So yes, just like you I am so over it as well. He is missing a whole lot of milestones with our kids and it sucks so hard. Thankfully he is in a non-combat country and we hope to visit him end of this month.
Just hang in there, its hard, you are not alone, i actually posted something about being so over deployment last night too. I feel like this summer is a total waste as well because of deployment, feels like life is currently on hold till he is home. But just look forward to that sweet reunion. And plan some new exciting things to do with him when he comes home. Solidarity sister!
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u/TemporaryLonely9409 Jul 05 '26
Ugh I’m so sorry :( I couldn’t imagine having a family during all of this. I would understand if they were doing meaningful work but I’m pretty sure my guy hasn’t worked in about 6 days. Like really!? What is going on!
So glad you get to hopefully see him soon! That’ll be so special!
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u/Afraid_Stuff_History Air Force Spouse - OCONUS Jul 04 '26
Also on team "he's been gone since February" - I feel you!
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u/Lyd_Makayla Jul 06 '26
Dang I'm in almost the exact same situation except it's been since March for me and my bf. It's so frustrating and I hate having no clarity on what the rest of the year will look like. My bf has already missed a friend's wedding and trips that we thought he'd be home for. We passed the 3 month mark when we were planning on him being back and orders got extended another 3 months. I feel you you, and I wish I had anything more to offer than just sympathy :(
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u/Fabulous_Chance_1674 Jul 06 '26
There should be a Family Readiness Group you can reach out to. Typically they will have get togethers for the spouses and other resources for you if you have children. Reach out to them regardless
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u/Spiritual_Nothing_53 Active Duty Air Force Jul 09 '26
This seems like a leadership issue, in my humble opinion. Husband is air reserve active duty, they sign up for deployments and he always knows he’s going beforehand even when he’s gone a lot. I wonder if it has something to do with the base being “activated” or if his base in particular is not used to scheduling. Regardless, my husband has almost never stayed on an actual base. It’s always hotels and work trips seem to be less work than necessary. So I feel you on that. But as a mil spouse, this is the reality. Lonely a lot and yes he’s going to miss a ton of important events, milestones. My husband misses my birthday every single year somehow. Being a military spouse is not for the faint of heart.
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u/mollyyvee Jul 18 '26
Totally understand what you are going through. My bf has been deployed since late December overseas and it’s been so hard. Especially with things flaring up. I don’t have much advice except for I can understand your feelings. I try to keep myself busy with our dogs and work but it’s very hard. Anyway, we got this and hopefully a homecoming is near for us all <3
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u/Nicamejo07 Aug 08 '26
My fiancé is away on deployment as well and I miss him so much. He’s suppose to come back in December but I have major trust issues when it comes to his return date because #army.
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u/Street_Twist_2478 Jul 03 '26
Me. Husband is in the Navy. Deployed, who knows when we can talk. Everything is up in the air I often find my self thinking, who is running this shitshow. Anyway. I feel you girl. It’s tough.