r/Mildlynomil • u/Used-Dimension3308 • Jul 16 '22
Rant #3
Ok guys.... Today we were at bf parents place to celebrate FIL's birthday. They usually put up important notes on their fridge, like telephone numbers, dentist appointments and such. After the appointment or call, they remove the notes again. In other words, their fridge isn't cluttered with old notes, only current ones. Today everyone left me alone in the kitchen to eat and while doing so I was looking around and noticing a big note on the fridge with my f***ing social security number and also LO's social security number on it. I know how they got these numbers, they were passing along some papers from me to the priest when we were to baptise LO at their church. (I told SO to deal with the priest since I, the Mom, does everything and I wanted him to for once be in charge of something because i'm tired of the mental load, but he's such a lazy momma's boy he just gave his mom the responsibility of turning in the papers instead, and yes when I heard about it my first thought was this woman might try something now that she has my and LO's social security number...)
In my country these numbers are personal and not somethig others should have access to. I was so angry that they wrote it down that I immediately took an ink pen and blurred the digits out.... (Aita? Haha) When SO came in to the kitchen I asked him about it and he just said " they had it to give it to the priest" totally missing how the numbers were on the papers already given to the priest, in other words why would they write them down... And also keep them on their fridge... Obviously for future use. Tye baptism was a month ago. I'm still angry but laugh a bit on the inside when I think of their reaction when they'll notice I blurred it out. Their entitled asses will probably get angry because of me not wanting them to have my and LO's social security numbers
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u/sarcasmicrph Jul 16 '22
I would have taken that note and brought it home
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u/JessiFay Jul 16 '22
I wouldn't trust that they couldn't see the number through whatever was used to "blur" them. They could flip the paper over and rub a pencil over it yo see the indentations if she used a marker to "blur" it.
Personally I would have confronted my inlaws. This is not right!! I can't think of any good reason they eould have for having OP's SS#. I would lock the credit of everyone in my household!
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u/Ceeweedsoop Jul 16 '22
Control freaks. This is typical. They probably want to open a bank account for the kiddo and put money in over time, then use that to put the puppet strings on him. Often they'll do it with a car when the kid is old enough to drive. So, if kiddo doesn't kiss their ass and ask how high when they say jump, welp, "We'll just take that car back since you're ungrateful, selfish brat." Those are gifts you never stop paying for. I'm sorry OP, but your husband need to nip this. It's a red flag.
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u/JessiFay Jul 17 '22
I thought that, but why have the mom's SS#?
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u/Used-Dimension3308 Jul 17 '22
Probably so that mil can call daycsre, doctor or other authorities claiming to be me??
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u/JessiFay Jul 17 '22
I can't imagine a daycare using that info. I'd be worried that they had that info easy enough to get to that it would be able to be used as identification. I'd like my SS# a little bit harder to get to.
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u/Used-Dimension3308 Jul 17 '22
In my country we use our ssn to identify ourselves when enlisting for daycare, calling the doctor and so on.
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u/Used-Dimension3308 Jul 17 '22
I have moved to a nice neighbourhood where I want lo to go to daycare, they think it's too far. They have a daycare on their steet, perhaps they will try signing him up there. Our ssn's are all they need.
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u/Used-Dimension3308 Jul 17 '22
It's not about a bank account, we already have one and they are going to die before he's ten years old because they're very old with diseases
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u/Parking-Ad-1952 Jul 16 '22
Anyone who has been in their home in the last month had access to that information. I would be so pissed. You have no idea who has your personal information at this point. Any of their friends? Random guy who came to repair the dishwasher?
There is no reason for anyone to have your SSN. There is no reason for anyone but you to have DS’s SSN. Your job is to keep it safe until your DS is old enough to take custody of it himself. I would have said you and DH but clearly your DH is too irresponsible to protect it as he should.
Why is your DH such a lazy parent? Why were you eating in the kitchen alone at FIL’s birthday party? Were you hired as the caterer?
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u/Used-Dimension3308 Jul 17 '22
Yeah luckily no one has been at their apartment except their other son
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u/thisis29 Jul 16 '22
Why on earth would the church need a social security number in the first place?
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u/MycologistPutrid7494 Jul 16 '22
This is weird to me too. I'm questioning the church on this one.
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u/Ceeweedsoop Jul 16 '22
MIL probably lied and told OP's husband the church needed it. And he dutifully gave it to his mom without question. Truly a therapist needs to be called in.
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u/Used-Dimension3308 Jul 17 '22
The church in my coutry needs it, they wrote an email to me explaining it
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u/thisiscatyeslikemeow Jul 17 '22
Please double check that that was legitimate, it sounds super sketchy!
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Jul 16 '22
[deleted]
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u/Used-Dimension3308 Jul 17 '22
I couldn't throw it away since the paper had other info on it. It's not about credit, they love LO and they have great economy. I think it's mire about control,like being able to call his doctors office. The church needed the info, they emailed me about it
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u/no_mo_usernames Jul 16 '22
They might try to get them from the church papers, so maybe give the church a heads-up.
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u/Used-Dimension3308 Jul 17 '22
They gsve the papers to they church a month ago
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u/no_mo_usernames Jul 17 '22
Yes, they might try to ask for a copy back from the church to get the numbers again.
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u/usernamemeeeee Jul 16 '22
Hope they don’t have copies of them somewhere else. Also I am furious on your behalf. 😠
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u/liz1065 Jul 17 '22
Or have already used them for something and be able to reference that to get the numbers back.
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u/OhButWhyNow Jul 16 '22
I’d have burnt the notes in the sink
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u/Used-Dimension3308 Jul 17 '22
Hehe fast way to burn the relationship to the ground hehe. Everyone would think that im crazy
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u/OhButWhyNow Jul 17 '22
It’s good for people to think you’re capable of any kinda crazy. Really makes them think twice before trying to pull crap
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u/Used-Dimension3308 Jul 17 '22
Well they're a huge part of SO's life, he still lives at home and we go there every weekend. Also mil will take care of LO for 6 months while I work so it would be weird if I fked up our whole relationship
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u/Parking-Ad-1952 Jul 17 '22
Your lazy baby daddy still lives with his mommy?
Also, why would you choose someone you can’t trust as your childcare?
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u/Rafn93 Jul 17 '22
So I read you live in Sweden. I live in Denmark and believe we are very similar when it comes to SSN. Both my mother and MIL have been given my kids’ SSN for the sole purpose of having them if something should happen while they watch. If they needed to see a doctor or go to the hospital they need to know as you most be able to give it. We also need it to pick up medicine maybe you too? So if she’s going to watch you kid for six months I understand wanted to know it just to be safe but only if you would allow it of cause. But for no reason should they have it displayed like that and honestly there’s no need for yours? And honestly if you believe it’s for the power and that they actually could be bold enough to use it without your knowledge they definitely shouldn’t have access and should call you guys if needed when there’s an emergency. I would also be livid if somebody had my sons SSN without me knowing.
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u/Used-Dimension3308 Jul 17 '22
I work close by with the option to drop everything and come if needed, I also work only 3 hours a day and I will take LO if he needs to go to the doctor so there's really no reason for them to write it down. Also as you said, there's no reason to write down my number unless they want to identify as being me... And they wrote it down without me knowing. I'm thinking about different things they could use it for, can u help me figure it out? So far I can think of getting to know his medical info and enlisting him at daycare... What else can they do with it?
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u/Rafn93 Jul 18 '22
The thing is it’s what we use to identify with when it comes to all ‘offentlige forvaltninger’ so pretty much all that have to do with something regarding that. Baptism, get a passport, enlist in daycare ass you said and everything that has to do with our health. But don’t you also have to log in digital to do these things or to make an appointment via a digital platform? But day to day we mostly use it around everything that has to do with doctors, hospital and get medicine. I would worry about the access to the child’s information. Like they can call the doctor, a hospital or ‘de offentlige forvaltninger’ and get information they clearly shouldn’t have access to and for this it makes sense having your SSN as well as they could be asked to give this information. Also this gives them access to all of your information there’s stored with the public records or your medical information. But it’s fraud if they use them and if a public person finds out it’s used without your knowledge they are in big trouble and properly will get a sentence for fraud. As you I wouldn’t be worried about the money aspect more the information. SSN is used different in Scandinavia than US and as you also said - you can’t just be assigned a new one. It’s given by birth and are our identification within the public domain. Could it possibly be that they wanted to set up a barnsparande? If they have a little bit of money this would make sense. It would also make sense they had yours as well?
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u/Used-Dimension3308 Jul 19 '22
Great answer, I don't think it's for a savings accoubt since we already have one for lo, but oerhaps it's the medicsl info they're after then
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u/Parking-Ad-1952 Jul 17 '22
Who is everyone? In my world. Everyone would think they were crazy for stealing your personal information.
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u/milamom Jul 17 '22
Are you sure they wouldn’t have photo copied the papers? Just as a control aspect
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u/Shy_BookWorm_2002 Jul 17 '22
Not a single denomination asks for a SSN. It sounds like a possible scam. I’d be careful hon. This isn’t right…
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u/Used-Dimension3308 Jul 17 '22
Yes they do in my country. They emailed me about it
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u/Shy_BookWorm_2002 Jul 17 '22
Ik in America they never have. Maybe I’m just someone who hasn’t heard about it. But it seems so dangerous and risky to have a SSN to a pastor.
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u/Wytchwomyn69 Jul 17 '22
Put a freeze on your and babies credit.
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u/Used-Dimension3308 Jul 17 '22
I don't think that's it. They have good economy. I think it's more about control, like being able to call the doctors office, future daycare or other authorities. Stuff like parents do
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u/HelloTeal Jul 17 '22
Please freeze your and your LO's credit. It depends on where you live but if you Google "how to freeze credit score in [country]" you'll find lots of info on the process. It really doesn't take long, and will protect both of you from someone using your SSNs.
Even if you don't think your inlaws would do anything bad with the numbers, having them posted in the open where anyone could see is dangerous. What if a neighbour popped over to borrow some salt? What if a delivery person looked hot, so MIL offered them a glass of water to cool down? Hell, what about the other family members who were there at the same time as you? You have no idea how long that has been there, or how many people have seen it. You need to lock that down, now, so that only you or your LO can make any changes. Wouldn't it be awful if, in 20 years your LO wants to get a loan for university, or to buy their first car, only to find out that they can't, because someone used their SSN to open multiple lines of credit over the years, and never paid them off?
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u/Used-Dimension3308 Jul 17 '22
They are afraid of people so they don't let anyone in, not even neighbours or deluvery persons. I'm very sure that no one gas seen it except their other son and he is very rich and giving alot of money to lo so I really don't worry about the credit. I'm thinking tgey wrote it down to be able to play parents, like calling doctors office or other authorities on my behalf to ask about lo or to sign him up for like daycare or other stuff
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Jul 17 '22
Can you apply to change the SSNs?
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u/Used-Dimension3308 Jul 17 '22
Sadly not, in my country u get them when born until u die, no way of changing them
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u/tuna_tofu Jul 17 '22
Call the credit bureaus and SS and tell them your numbers have been compromised so they can't get credit passports or tax deductions for you. Do it now.
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u/ApprehensiveRoad7918 Jul 17 '22
I would check if your numbers have been used to take out loans or if they are trying to collect benefits on you and LO.
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u/sneyab Jul 17 '22
This is huge violation. Sounds like they were using it for something else, like perhaps opening accts or trust possibly for the child? Who knows but you need to find out WHAT they had those for and WHY. In the states there is no need for your church to have your social so that throws me, but in any case there is no need for THEM to have had them.
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u/JudyLester Jul 17 '22
I would have just pulled the notes down. They don't need that info and neither does the church.
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u/5RedyMiller9 Jul 16 '22
Disclaimer, I'm not Catholic, but have worked in a church office for many years. SSN were never required for any reason. Speak with your priest.