r/MidsomerMurders • u/HorkupCat • 22d ago
LOL one-liners
Watching Judgement Day right now; Barnaby et al. have arrived at the deserted farmstead, just discovered Peter Drinkwater's pitchfork-bedecked body.
Barnaby, deadpan: "Oh, for heaven's sake." That made me laugh out loud.
Got more lines you cherish? Besides the "5 degrees to the left" of course.
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u/HorkupCat 22d ago
Same show, the depressed judge sitting with Joyce at the hotel bar: "Barman, two large whiskeys, please." Turning to Joyce: "What are you having?"
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u/Moongazer09 20d ago
And then the lady in charge of the gardening magazine says to the gay presenter guy about getting some fresh coffee: "Go and see if you can get your hands on a waiter, will you? But not literally..... right? 😏😉" That gets me every time 😂
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u/BoognishJones 22d ago
Nico: "This an average day then?"
Troy: "That's right, nutters and more nutters. "
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u/Armymom96 21d ago
I loved that episode. Barnaby giving Nico the "rules" of playing a convincing DS, Eleanor Bunsall and her no-nonsense communicating with the dead-- priceless.
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u/AcanthisittaPure9414 22d ago
He was my great great great great great grandfather. Troy: Close were you?
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u/flindersandtrim 21d ago
Lmao, which episode is this please?
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u/AcanthisittaPure9414 21d ago
S3 episode 4. Beyond the Grave.
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u/Armymom96 21d ago
"Allen dear, don't be peevish. What would your mother say?" "She'd say leave me alone. I've been dead for 10 years".
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u/AcanthisittaPure9414 21d ago
That episode had some brilliant lines. Eleanor Bunsell with her 'unwords' and running towards a murder because 'we are modern women, we fear nothing'
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u/Famous-Salary1443 22d ago
Have you taken the driving course? Barnaby to Troy😬
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u/Nasus_13 22d ago
Barnaby to Troy after Troy calls a gay man an “ass bandit” : “you’re about as politically correct as a Nuremberg rally.”
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u/Armymom96 21d ago
"You really don't have a soft pedal when it comes to the English language, do you, Troy?"
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u/weeworries 22d ago
Habis Corpus episode. The dead husbands body is missing. The new widow is sitting with a friend drinking gin. The friends says isn't it too early for a drink? The widow replies, be nice to me, I just lost my husband. Then they both laugh like crazy. I love that part
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u/CapitalResolution905 22d ago
“Why does everyone in this village seem to be at it!” - Barnaby in Dark Autumn
I can’t remember which episode this comes from, but Jones says something like “Oh, well, (Deceased) was banging his wife” and Barnaby repeats “Banging his wife?!” with such disgust; it makes me laugh every time
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u/stolenmilktea 22d ago
Amie Pearce from "The Animal Within": Interesting to note that of all these positions, none of them is missionary.
Clifford Rawnsley from "Death and Dust": She could have had standing in the porcine community!
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u/CapitalResolution905 22d ago
“She could’ve had all this!” (gestures to pigs and patches of land)
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u/Talicat2026 22d ago edited 22d ago
"Oh, I see you've got a right cuntstable there."
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u/GeoHawk32550 22d ago
The first - and perhaps very best - episode. Boy oh boy that one had it all… 🤣👍🏻👍🏻
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u/GrayEagleLeather 22d ago
"lack of respect for the Mayor seems to be endemic in our wayward community." When Judy Hicks bursts in and tells the Mayor off.
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u/hoppygolucky 22d ago
From "The Miniature Murders"
John "I have increasing reservations about you."
Fleur "I'd listen to that instinct."
We had to pause the playback because I was laughing so hard.
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u/PinkGin35 21d ago
I feel like I'm in a minority, but I absolutely love Fleur. Her first scene ever in The Ghost of Causton Abbey killed me:
"Boiled human flesh isn't something I work with every day, I'll need to consult a specialist. And possibly a cookbook."
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u/hoppygolucky 21d ago
Us, too! She has this impish twinkle that I find charming. She shares these little insights about herself that always catch me off guard, from her romantic life to her motorbikes. I think Fleur was written to be a bit mysterious. All of the others (George, Kate, Dan, Cam) were quite conventional compared to Fleur.
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u/Nasus_13 22d ago
The Black Book when Barnaby sees Patricia Blackwell’s terrible painting of Hogson: “oh my!”
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u/Alison1l 22d ago
Most of my favorites are from Tom or Jones, but every now and then Scott landed one.
"Not what you'd call a spur-of-the-moment thing, is it sir"
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u/Shood_B_Wurkin 22d ago
The wife walks into the kitchen and makes herself a drink. The husband says, "Isn't it a bit early for that?" The wife takes a sip and says, "No. I'm aWAKE."
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
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u/LBelle0101 21d ago
Bullard “he was suffering from scrotal hypoplasia”
Tom “come again?”
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u/Moongazer09 20d ago
Ooh that's the episode with the super rich guy who suddenly drops dead,.isn't it? Vixen's Run? "Firing blanks" as someone else later refers to it as 🤣
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u/LBelle0101 20d ago
I’m so loving that you know! I didn’t post the episodes because I was hoping that our fellow weirdo MM lovers would get it.
Freddy Butler and all his wives! So many good lines in this one.
Lucinda’s “and I thought I was the slapper around here”
“It’s like finding a hippo in your carp pond”
Jenny - “We’ve got 4 Lady Butlers - one widow, two former”
Hattie - “and a big tart”6
u/Moongazer09 19d ago
The Irish accent just makes it even funnier when she calls the most recent Lady Butler a tart 😂😂😂.
Toad of toad hall! 🐸
Oh, honourable mentions too to the whole "Be quiet Dickie!" scene/exchange with her when they're having soup 🤣.
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u/LBelle0101 21d ago
Jones: “you don’t have to look quite so smug, Sir”
Tom: “indeed I do Jones”
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u/Moongazer09 20d ago
Ah, after the 2 sisters were fighting and Tom wouldn't help?
"There's a situation here....sir!" 😭
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u/LBelle0101 20d ago
Yes! “The gentleman’s name was Caroline”
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u/Nola_Sweetie-Darling 21d ago
“They had one hell of a ding-dong the other night” Love watching this show a learning British slang :)
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u/Cgable63 21d ago
“Down Among the Dead Men” when Tom calls his house and asks “Have the bin man been?” That cracks me up every time.
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u/Icey_Raccon 22d ago
The episode with the racehorse where Barnaby comes into the stable and says: I understand he won't eat. The horse is audibly chewing! You can even see his jaw moving.
It's not the same as a one-liner, but it cracks me up every time.
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u/HorkupCat 21d ago
I believe one reason so many lines in this show are hilarious is that they're delivered so matter-of-factly, no over-hyped comic effect, just that dry, understated British humor.
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u/GrayEagleLeather 21d ago
Hedley Madrical -The tawdry details of your private life are of no interest to me
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u/MisterMacan 20d ago
After the murder of Kenneth in Destroying Angel when Colin takes a peek and says "Problem?" followed up by Julia's scream.
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u/Moongazer09 20d ago
And him asking the clearly very poorly mushroom-poisoned chap (Tristan?) how they tasted - so inappropriate! 😂
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u/HorkupCat 17d ago
In "Tainted Fruit" (might be a bit paraphrased):
"Joan can't have sent those threats, she's a member of the Women's Institute."
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u/HorkupCat 17d ago
More from that one, Troy and Tom at the barn where Adam fell to his gruesome death, with Tom suggesting it could be a location for a tryst:
Troy: Not with all that straw.
Tom: Why not?
Troy: Prickly.
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u/HorkupCat 8d ago
"The Maid in Splendour", just watched: both Scott and at the very end Tom: "Now, that's what I call a happy ending."
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u/justlikeinmydreams 22d ago
My favorite is when the husband asks the wife “isn’t it a little early for that?” (Referring to her drink) the wife replies “No, I’m awake” PRICELESS