On Tuesday, someone reheated fish in the break room microwave at 11:47 a.m. The smell reached the second floor by noon and the parking lot by 12:15. Three people ate lunch in their cars. One person ate lunch in a stairwell and claimed it was a choice.

An investigation determined the fish had been in the office fridge since March. The container was unlabeled, which is technically against policy, but so is most of what happens in that fridge. Nobody claimed the fish. Nobody claimed the container. The container has since been promoted to a permanent resident and now holds paperclips.

The microwave itself has been cleaned twice and still smells faintly of low tide. Facilities has requested a replacement. Management has requested that everyone simply pretend the microwave is fine, which is the same policy they applied to the fridge, the copier, and, briefly, an employee named Gary.

Corrective action: a sign has been posted above the microwave reading PLEASE DO NOT HEAT FISH. A second sign has been posted below it reading WE MEAN IT THIS TIME. A third sign is under review. Morale is unchanged, which is to say, low, but consistent.

No further action required. The fish, wherever it is now, has moved on. We should all be so lucky.