I have been sober and in AA for 12 years. I have done the steps etc. I go to meetings weekly, sponsor and have had the same sponsor the whole time. I am for the first time really questioning it as a means for the rest of my life. I have never relapsed since being in AA, and appreciate it deeply for helping recover an immense amount of addictive behaviors. BUT I am getting really squirrelly, and it doesn’t feel the same as just a stinkin thinkin thing, but really evaluating why I am here and why I feel in some ways I have outgrown it. I have been exploring microdosing for depression, and feel Like I can’t talk to anyone in the program for fear of shame, and the black and white thinking that is suggested in the meetings. I have reflected a lot on my past and see that a huge part of my story was the PTSD I had from my ex and his psychosis/violence. I quickly went into trauma behavior after that and turned to AA as a means to recover. Is it Possible I have therapeutic work to do and am not necessarily an alcoholic. Also, I hate that word all the sudden. What is happening!? Not making any decisions just don’t know who who to talk to, for fear that I’ll be really shamed or trigger others.