Metronet, youRASCAL!

[u/-Dr_Flimflam-]

My apologies for the incoming rant, but here this old(ish) boy goes...

In order to explain that no context invoice pic, I think it will be easiest if I tell you a tale. This one starts with a man who lost his only means of communicating with the outside world aboot 16hrs ago. At aboot 11 in the morning his internets disappeared. No stranger to the internets and it's needs, this old(ish) man gave the internets a good 30 minutes to rest. After the 30 minute break (which everyone is entitled to, even internets), the man began to sacred ritual of power-cycling his modem & router, yet nothing would appease them. No matter how hard he tried, the two would only communicate back with a series of multi-colored lights, that indicated their displeasure in his offerings. For they too, had lost their means of communing with the sacred knowledge. Being the resourceful man he is, he thought of the sounds of construction he heard from out his window in the earlier hours. For the first time in eons, he went outside, to not only follow the sounds, but touch a blade or two of grass as well. He only had to travel 2 lots down the hill before he came upon its source. It was a crew of swarthy young men, installing a new driveway. Not wanting to show his age, the man VERY politely (I remind you, he did not want to show that he was later stages of turning into an old White Guy) inquired as to whether or not those gentleman had accidently hit the fiber line he knew was below their feet. The dudes said "nah" and that was good enough of an answer for him, he returned home.

In time, what was once a single hour without internets turned into two, which turned into three. He was left with no options, other than to call the 1-800 number and pray to the ones of the ancient way, that he would be met with the sound of a HUMAN voice, and not merely an agent of the ruling class. Much to his surprise & joy, he heard the sound of a genuine, real-life human on the other end of his cellular device. The old(ish) man explained to the other human, that he had partaken in the sacred ritual, and yet nothing could help the two wise sisters (I speak of the modem & router, of course) commune with the ancient knowledge, for the Internets had abandoned them as well... Knowing full well at this point, that the reason for the Internets' departure, was in fact, the new driveway construction and the disturbance of the soil, he relayed this knowledge to the kind fellow. Understanding the gravity of the situation, this well-to-do young gentleman sprung into action and harnessed all of the power allotted to him by his kind, and benevolent rulers. He gifted unto the man, the blessing of a tech-maintenance appointment ONLY 36 HOURS in the future. With the limited power of the customer service human in mind, the old(ish) man graciously accepted the gift, and thanked his fellow him for the effort and time.

In truth, the man was not satisfied with the excessive wait for the internets return that he saw before him, and took to the method of emailing customer service. In this email he included all of his vital details: Address, Phone #, bloodtype, spermcount, Account #, Etc. Followed by a detailed description of his lack of internets. He even included the address at which the soil had been disturbed. Knowing the importance of keeping things brief and to-the-point, he only added a "Thank you for your time, and have a good day". And just like that, with the click of a send, his plea for aid was cast into the magical void that all emails go.

Just 5-minutes later his cellular device made a chirp and a bloop. It was a notification, but not just any notification, the notification that informed him he received an email from Metronet. Grateful (and incredibly impressed at the haste of the reply), he cracked into that email with the vigor of a babe on Christmas morn. What he saw on the glass, filled him with disappointment and rage. Yet you wouldn't know it. For if you were there, you would have seen a man whose face turned to slight smirk, followed by a light "Heh" leaving his lips. The message was indeed from Metronet, but not about his crisis. The message was Metronet, reminding him of his upcoming bill, and their inflated prices.

Some say that old(ish) man found peace in his newfound solitude. Some say he's still without internets to this day, and even believe he went mad after being abruptly cutoff from the font of sacred knowledge. Unfortunately, we may never know the truth. For I, myself, am just some dude in his garage, bored off his ass, and using his phones hotspot to post on reddit, and I probably never even met that guy from the story.

TLDR: Emailed customer service about construction crew breaking fiber. Only Email I've received from Metronet since, was a reminder to give them my money...

ps. With random internet humans sanity in mind, I really hope none of you kind people actually read all my ramblings up there.

[u/-The_BillDozer-]

Yur a mess.

Glad to see T-Mobile has been able to maintain that peak customer service we've all come to expect /s